Here I am another two weeks later. Still going through challenges and dealing with frustration, joy in triumphs, anger and some satisfying successes also. The roller-coaster continues and I pray that this is the hills and valleys decreasing for a while.
I have finally chosen the person who will be my second-in-command at work and I'm thrilled to see the light grow brighter at the end of this tunnel! The only problem is that it is taking longer than I had hoped to replace her as a teacher so she can join me in the office. Finding new hires lately that meet the state qualifications and the Christian qualifications of our program has proven quite challenging. Please help me pray for God to bring us just the right people.
Another piece of good news is that my shift at work is back to a consistent schedule (the past four months I have been working alternating opening and closing shifts). It is so nice and it's really helping life at home be smoother!
My husband's health struggles have been creating more challenges, but I think we are finding some solutions. Since chemo, his hands and feet have always swollen up whenever he does any physical labor (mowing the lawn, working on his motorcycle, cleaning the house for periods of time, etc.). A few weekends ago he had some swelling, but not more than normal until he and I worked on grooming our puppy's goldendoodle fur. When we finished his hands swelled so much that they hurt and a slight tough on his finger caused a large bruise from middle knuckle to the joint at the hand. The swelling didn't go down for days. The bruise took even longer to heal. Even when the swelling did go down, it easily returned.
Finally we found some "arthritis gloves" at a local pharmacy. Something I've searched for many times, even to the point of asking the pharmacists who have acted as if I was talking about something unusual. Praise the Lord we found them! My hubby's been wearing them and just a couple days ago he took them off and his hands were normal -it made me realize how long his hands have been swollen. I almost didn't recognize his hands they were so thin and normal looking! I had gotten used to him having thicker hands and fingers that I didn't realize it was swelling.
Mid-summer he goes back in for a check up. We plan on talking to his doctor about it then too. Maybe they will have some other suggestions to help in addition to the gloves.
My brain capacity is shrinking and the words are disappearing from my thoughts so I will bid you good night until next time!
Friday, April 25, 2014
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Where Feet May Fail (Oceans by Hillsong)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2PNTq_-mZs
This is one of my new favorite songs. It is so full of worship and humbling yourself before the Lord. One of my favorite lines is "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders..."
God has really been speaking to me in the lyrics of Christian music lately. The words of the songs that wake me up each morning speak to my heart and sometimes seem to be God speaking literally to me using those words. At church, the lyrics of the worship music touches my heart and I recognize that they are exactly the words I need to pay attention to because they deal specifically with the focus of change that God is working in me.
My relationship with God has been more open. Since I got angry with Him and realized how I have tried to speak in a "holy" manner when I pray, I am doing my best to be completely honest with myself and with God. By tearing down that wall of pretending I am better than I am, I feel closer to my Lord. I perceive that He is involved in my life and cares dearly for me. That wall that pushed Him away is slowly disappearing and that's a really cool thing.
As I write this and it is a positive blog, I am also praying for protection and that I am able to continue to put aside my need to be "perfect" in God's eyes. I have another challenge coming up and it could easily bring me back to a low place. So please pray with me that I will remain faithful and trusting wholly in the Lord to lead, to guide, and to protect and provide through these coming challenges.
This is one of my new favorite songs. It is so full of worship and humbling yourself before the Lord. One of my favorite lines is "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders..."
God has really been speaking to me in the lyrics of Christian music lately. The words of the songs that wake me up each morning speak to my heart and sometimes seem to be God speaking literally to me using those words. At church, the lyrics of the worship music touches my heart and I recognize that they are exactly the words I need to pay attention to because they deal specifically with the focus of change that God is working in me.
My relationship with God has been more open. Since I got angry with Him and realized how I have tried to speak in a "holy" manner when I pray, I am doing my best to be completely honest with myself and with God. By tearing down that wall of pretending I am better than I am, I feel closer to my Lord. I perceive that He is involved in my life and cares dearly for me. That wall that pushed Him away is slowly disappearing and that's a really cool thing.
As I write this and it is a positive blog, I am also praying for protection and that I am able to continue to put aside my need to be "perfect" in God's eyes. I have another challenge coming up and it could easily bring me back to a low place. So please pray with me that I will remain faithful and trusting wholly in the Lord to lead, to guide, and to protect and provide through these coming challenges.
Friday, April 4, 2014
Whatever is true, kind, noble...
I'm working on trying to keep my mind focused on positive things as the bible says in Philippians 4:8, "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable--if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise--dwell on these things."
I'm realizing that even the little negative things can really affect my attitude. My week has been filled with ups and downs as usual, but I am beginning to glimpse the light at the end of this tunnel I am traveling. There is still work to be done and more waiting until I get there, but it ended on a good note. Or at least I think my attitude is changing a bit for the better. God is showing me the triggers that turn my joy into fear and in getting to recognize triggers, perhaps I can learn better how to avoid them or negate them.
Earlier this week for the first time in as long as I can recall, I came home from work, relaxed and when it was time to prepare for dinner, I felt like it was Friday night and wasn't stressed for the upcoming day's responsibilities. What a breath of fresh air that was!
I'm seeing God working again. Not that He ever stopped, but I am recognizing it again. A co-worker of mine who has already lost a spouse to a terminal illness is going through it again. I don't know the extent of how God might use my experience with cancer to touch her life, but I am much more compassionate than I might have been and thankful for the ability to understand where she is coming from.
Seeing her struggle to grieve and the look of emotional panic in her eyes, I can't make it better, but I can listen. I can allow her time to grieve. They need a miracle or it will be a matter of extending life...modern medicine cannot cure this illness. Despite her grief, her attitude is why I respect her so much. Her heart is to preserve her husband's dignity, quality of life, and respect his decisions. Please join me in lifting her up in prayer. They are both believers.
On a more positive note, I have seen some of my staff look to God for answers to a problem they were having and see how He works things out for the better. A relationship headed downhill, while disagreeing doctrinally with each other, they both sought the Lord and He has provided a way where they can create a more healthy distance while maintaining a respectful attitude towards each other.
I'm realizing that even the little negative things can really affect my attitude. My week has been filled with ups and downs as usual, but I am beginning to glimpse the light at the end of this tunnel I am traveling. There is still work to be done and more waiting until I get there, but it ended on a good note. Or at least I think my attitude is changing a bit for the better. God is showing me the triggers that turn my joy into fear and in getting to recognize triggers, perhaps I can learn better how to avoid them or negate them.
Earlier this week for the first time in as long as I can recall, I came home from work, relaxed and when it was time to prepare for dinner, I felt like it was Friday night and wasn't stressed for the upcoming day's responsibilities. What a breath of fresh air that was!
I'm seeing God working again. Not that He ever stopped, but I am recognizing it again. A co-worker of mine who has already lost a spouse to a terminal illness is going through it again. I don't know the extent of how God might use my experience with cancer to touch her life, but I am much more compassionate than I might have been and thankful for the ability to understand where she is coming from.
Seeing her struggle to grieve and the look of emotional panic in her eyes, I can't make it better, but I can listen. I can allow her time to grieve. They need a miracle or it will be a matter of extending life...modern medicine cannot cure this illness. Despite her grief, her attitude is why I respect her so much. Her heart is to preserve her husband's dignity, quality of life, and respect his decisions. Please join me in lifting her up in prayer. They are both believers.
On a more positive note, I have seen some of my staff look to God for answers to a problem they were having and see how He works things out for the better. A relationship headed downhill, while disagreeing doctrinally with each other, they both sought the Lord and He has provided a way where they can create a more healthy distance while maintaining a respectful attitude towards each other.
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