Faith: In Reality

It seems my blogging self is back!  It is late at night so I am, of course, more reflective and analyzing my thoughts.  I don't quite know where to begin with all that is in my head at the moment.

I work closely with two very wonderful women.  We are all different as can be, but yet the same in so many ways.  I am the 'boss' and they are my support, my team.  All of us are at different places in our spiritual journey and it amazes me the way we feed and support each other.  We share a love and a closeness, friendship, that I have never shared before with other women.  I cannot fathom how this happened to me...just by God's power I guess.

All my struggling to remain in God's will and not allow myself to stray away the past several years, I suppose that can be called walking in faith.  Faith In Reality.  I am seeing a culmination of events and growth in my life, things that have come into place in ways I could never have imagined.   This is most definitely not the end of my spiritual journey with Christ, but it seems to be a new level.  A new depth and something so much more than just myself.  Maybe I am growing out of the beginner Christian stage of development where things were about me and God, to a place where it becomes more of a place about God and me and the surroundings He has placed me in.

This is neat.  This is new.  A little awesome to consider.  Where are you taking me, Lord?

Bummer Deals

Today has come with lots of sad news.  The baby of a friend of mine who has been in the hospital since birth has just been diagnosed with some severe defects in her lungs and airway.  The next step is a trach while the doctors decide just how to proceed.  The trach may or may not be a permanent fixture. :(  This news comes about a week after they thought she was on the road to going home with mom and dad.

Then my friend who lost a leg to cancer, has finished a several-month-long chemo treatment for a side-effect of the cancer she beat, is currently in the hospital due to low platelet counts and fever.  It is scary because when she first learned of the side-effect issue, they told her she may only have 5 years to live and I desperately want to see God use the light she shares much longer than that.  She has a 13yr old son also.

And on the home front, my honey finally looked up his last test results for his hormone levels.  He was feeling so good on the injections, he delayed taking them to see if his body might be making more hormones on its own.  He dreams of one day getting off the injections.  The results showed the lowest levels he has ever tested.  Those dreams are dashed to the ground.  Unless God chooses to heal this, bi-monthly injections are a forever part of his life.  This news is not surprising, nor shocking, but to face that reality isn't fun.

I know God is at work.  I know I am being tested.  By the grace of God I survived a full on spiritual attack at work in the form of a very angry client yesterday and now it seems there is an emotional thing happening today.  Yesterday I rejoiced regardless of the attack because it was so amazing to see God working in my job and the lives of those around me.  The emotional attack is a little different.  It takes me into a quiet place inside myself where I look to the Lord to help me find the truth of the situation despite how I might feel about it...

Awesome God

It never ceases to amaze me, the ways God works in my life.  Ways I never dared ask or hardly dream.  I was looking to hire a simple clerical person to help with data entry part time.  Did God send me someone?  You betcha!!!

He sent someone who can not only take on those minor time-consuming tasks, but someone who can do so much more!  He sent me a confidant, someone with experience who I can look to for ideas, guidance, and affirmation.  He knows my needs and dreams so much better than I do, it is unreal. 

God is doing something, I don't know what, but I can't wait to find out!

What is God doing in my life?

You know, I'm not entirely sure.

Not by strength, nor by power

I'm finding that staying close to the Lord is the only way I can survive the responsibilities I have been given.  When my quiet times with God get neglected, that is when work seems overwhelming and I am more absent with my family at home.  When I am honest and upfront with God and strive to develop that relationship, then I seem to fly on unseen wings of grace through even the toughest situations and when I am home, I am much more present and able to forget about the stresses of the day.  I don't know what I would do if I were attempting to wear all these hats in my own power.

Zechariah 4:6 "...Not by strength or by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD..."

Boundaries

My job can be overwhelming.  Suddenly I am a leader.  I make decisions all day, every day.  I lack experience and although I'm learning as I go, I truly long for someone who could give me guidance, someone with experience to bounce ideas off of. 

I just pray that the Lord will show me what to do.  Teach me what I need to know, to give me discernment and courage to uphold my boundaries and be brutally honest and direct if I have to be to maintain my boundaries.

Leading is so complicated.  I can't say I'd ever choose this position on my own.  Life will never be easy I'm afraid.

Always Learning

This past month has been a whirlwind of activity.  Being a leader -or rather, becoming a leader -is such a growing process.  I am constantly facing challenges that I have never faced before.  My plate is full and overflowing with the many tasks that I am responsible for.  There is literally not enough time in the day to accomplish it all.  Decisions that must be made in split second reactions, choosing my words, which tasks to prioritize and give attention to and which to save for another day.  I can have a terrible draining day and an encouraging exciting day all in the same day just depending on the events that occur.  I have clients who I must answer to, not only concerning the care provided to their children or the way that the business is run, but also answers to how to be better parents and to increase their understanding of their children.  I have teachers who look to me for guidance, direction, techniques and answers in challenging children, running their classrooms, working together and with parents.  I have superiors in the financial realm, in the overall operations, in the medical field, in the state government rules and regulations, etc. etc. etc.  The list never ends...or at least I don't want to know how long it could go! 

And somehow, in all the chaos, all the personal insecurities I face, God has remained faithful and steadfast.  I can honestly report that I am living proof that God equips and provides.  That God uses the foolish and the weak to accomplish His glory.  I simply can't take credit for the ways things have worked out.  I take credit for my failures, for the many mistakes and learning curves I am living.  I have seen the Lord work out so many seemingly destructive situations into blessings and growth for the company, for my staff, clients, and myself.  God is good.  Period.