Holidays are Here!

Life has been a whirlwind of chaos.  We've had house showings at all times of day, sometimes with very little notice.  When selling your house, an unexpected cost is all the dining out you end up doing because showings are often during the dinner hours and make it difficult to cook anything and still have time to eat it, while not making a mess or smells that a buyer might not appreciate...but in the next few hours, we are signing our a contract with a new set of buyers, and the showings will be done!  Hurray!

The new buyers are a couple from Louisiana who lost their home in 2016's flooding.  They have a little girl and boy -and fell in love with the custom paint jobs we did in the kids' rooms!  I think that is pretty cool, that my artwork will survive and be appreciated for a few more years.  Not that it was something I really cared about, but it is a neat development.

We will be closing on our current home with them just before Christmas weekend, and closing on our new house sometime that same week right before Christmas.  It's going to be nuts, but I'm excited to finally be moving forward!

In more sad news, we had to put down our doggy last Monday.  She was 6 years old and had always struggled with health issues.  We had recently switched veterinarians when she got sick because our former vet office was temporarily without a doctor for whatever reason.  I am very thankful for the time we had with our new vet.  Every single staff member was kind, patient, and listened well.  They never judged and always gave an estimate of costs for all options, something I really appreciated.

My oldest daughter came with me when we put her down.  It was heartbreaking, but really made the grieving process easier for her.  She sobbed and held her doggy for several minutes after she had passed, and the vet's office was gentle with her and helped her to say goodbye in a way that didn't make her feel rushed or undervalued.  Her grief was understood and carefully handled.  As a mom, I couldn't have asked for better service.  When we returned to pick up her ashes later, they gave us a beautiful card with lots of handwritten, kind-hearted words.  Best vet ever.

On the baby front, we're at 10 weeks along today.  I have minimal morning sickness symptoms, mostly I just feel yucky when I need to eat something...no nasty gag reflex so far...praise the Lord!  In fact, the worst symptom I have is feeling tired all the time.  I take naps a lot or go to bed early.  Next weekend, I plan on shopping thrift stores to find my first maternity clothes!  I'm just starting to have trouble fitting into my next size-up pants.

I think I'm just starting to get past the denial stage of this surprise pregnancy.  I half expected the doctor to tell me there was no pregnancy at my last visit.  It's just been such a shock to adjust to.  Even baby names, I look at them, but none of them feel real yet.  I'm just not fully comprehending everything that's happening internally.  It will come in time.  We talk about the baby, I feel the symptoms of its presence, so I'm sure my brain will catch up eventually!

Time for a Little Story

     Wednesday, October 17th: Once upon a time, there were three.  Baby number four is tempting fate!  Complete and total shocker after having a tubal ligation during my C-section with our son two years ago.

The only catch is that it is so early yet that we don't know if this little one is viable.  Will he or she get to meet us here on earth or in heaven?  There's a high risk of ectopic pregnancy after a tubal.  It will be another two weeks before we find out if this little one is here to stay or not.

I knew I was pregnant before I even took a test.  I just knew.  Today according to the calendar, we are 4 weeks and 4 days along.  I'm still processing, but how can I not also be excited?  Who doesn't love babies?

     Saturday, Oct. 20th:  I told my hubby and I called the doctor.  I was immediately scheduled for a blood draw two days apart to check my HCG levels.  The blood draw labs are an indicator of the health of a pregnancy, but not the location of a pregnancy.  My levels more than doubled in the two days, which is a positive sign.  I'm starting to feel the beginnings of morning sickness...usually I get nauseous when I need to eat.  If I don't eat in time or don't eat the right things, I will feel worse and worse.  So far with this one, I just feel queasy.

I was super emotional and scared on Thursday.  I'd been reading up on ectopic pregnancies because I wanted to know what symptoms to recognize if I had any.  It is terrifying to think that something horrible might happen to you in front of your children or worse...change their lives forever by losing you.

I also cried over the thought of losing this life within me.  We didn't plan for it, but God did.  He knows.  He knows why He allowed this little life into our lives.  He knows if this one will live or die.  He knows our hopes and dreams and our fears.  I desperately want this little one to live -even though I can't comprehend what life would look like with this little person coming into our lives.  My hubby sent me to bed.  I was having some pain in my abdomen which only added to my fears.  Thankfully it went away once I laid down and it hasn't returned so far.  I know God has this.  I trust Him.  Whatever the outcome is.

     Wednesday, Oct. 24th:  I haven't had any further pain, and for the most part I have been able to get through each day normally.  Sometimes I even forget that I am pregnant.  The stress comes out at night.  I wake up and the baby is on my mind.  I'm scared to lose it and scared of the resulting medical concerns if it isn't viable.  I also constantly have on my mind what it might be like being pregnant and moving, how we'd tell our family, and what changes it would bring to our lives.

This coming Monday we have an ultrasound scheduled.  I am hoping to learn the baby's location and viability then.  We also have a follow up pre-natal visit that Wednesday.  One day at a time.  Praying for health, strength and God's will.

     Monday, Oct. 29th:  Ultrasound day!  I've been anxiously awaiting this day, hoping for good news and trying to keep myself ready for the worst news too.  Then I had a horrible thought.  I'm probably going to see our baby for the first time today.  Today could possibly be the one and only time I see our baby alive.  Tear jerker!  I kept that thought to myself, I didn't think my hubby would appreciate any added stress over the possible events today will initiate.

The sonographer was very kind and was able to show us that our baby is alive, in the uterus, and had a healthy heartbeat!  Instead of feeling joyful as I had thought I would, I felt the same disbelief and shock I felt when I took the positive pregnancy test.  This little one is here.  Really here.  I'm going to go through another pregnancy and delivery.  That part of the reality check is still hard to swallow.  I love babies and the romanticism that goes along with them.  My last pregnancy was anything but romantic.  It was torture, and I was miserable for a good majority of it.  What will this one be?

This little one is such a surprise.  I honestly never imagined having more than three kids.  Three was always the silent number in my head.  Four is quite the shocker.  Whatever God has planned for this little one and our not-so-little family, I am spiritually and logically looking forward to seeing God's plans unfold.  Emotionally, I haven't left shock-mode and am still trying to absorb it.

     Thursday, Nov. 1st: We announced our pregnancy to everyone yesterday.  We told the kids who are shocked, but mostly positive about it all.  They are already thinking of names and room arrangements.  We texted our families -that felt a little distant, but it just kinda happened with the busy-ness that goes along with Halloween.  I feel better knowing that we don't have to keep it a secret anymore.  I hate secrets.  Now it is just getting into a new routine.  We told our toddler that there was a baby in my tummy.  He gave us a confused look and pulled up my shirt to see.  We all laughed, it was cute and funny!

Watching, waiting, on the edge of our seats anticipating!

That title is a portion of lyrics from a Phineas and Ferb song (Disney cartoon).  That's kind of how life seems right now.  We're waiting to see how God moves in our lives.

Our buyers dropped out due to problems with their financing.  It was very disappointing, but out of our control.  We had an open house this past weekend with a very small turn out.  In total, this first week of being back on the market we've had four groups that came out to see the house.  We've also gotten our new roof installed, and a new vapor barrier in our crawl space (part of the old contract we had with the buyers).

If for some reason, God doesn't allow our home to sell, we will be out a chunk of money, but we'll have the new roof and vapor barrier.  We also have the inspection report that showed some things we didn't realize our home was getting close to needing updates on.  So the new information is good to have.  It isn't how I want things to end up, but it would be do-able...trying to keep myself open and willing to God's plans instead of mine.

Being a planner, it is really hard to not plan out my ideal situations and beg God to do it my way.  This whole year has been just trusting God and waiting, waiting, waiting to see how things will unfold.  Not easy.  We've had some curve balls thrown at us and we're trying to take them in stride and deal with what comes our way as best we can.  It almost feels like stuffing your emotions, so I don't know how well we are dealing, but we are doing the best we can to continue to place everything in God's hands and let go of our own ideas in place of His.

Starting Over

This weekend our buyers pulled out of the contract.  We have put our house back on the market and are waiting to see God's plan for our lives in this area.  There is still time for us to sell before our home is ready.  God knows best.

I learned long ago not to stress over things I cannot control.  So I simply live: waiting, praying, hoping and trusting in the Lord.  Sometimes it is frustrating.  I journal and blog, but mostly I wait to see what God is going to do.  I have to trust that His plan is best and His plan is going to come to fruition in His timing.

Faith in the Waiting

Everything seems to be in standstill right now.  We're stuck in this long transition phase between selling and moving.

God continues to be a part of it all.  On our recent trip, my hubby's boss showed him a potential office space.  It was awesome and seemingly too good to be true...  If God allows, he could office with his team, in the same building and get this- it had a sliding glass door to a patio!  He loved it right away and could imagine himself opening that door up to smell the rain or get a nice breeze on sunny days.

Regardless of whether or not he gets the office space, it has been amazing the way that God has opened doors for us to move.  My hubby's job has been more than accommodating and positive in the idea of us moving.  We got to meet some of our future homeschool group on our business trip/vacation, and things continue to fall into place.

The waiting is the hard part right now.  We're unable to move forward until the right time.  Most of our things are packed up, but we can't just halt living either.  So we continue to wait on the Lord to see what He is going to do and make the most of what we have in the meantime.

Labels

At church, the nursery is pretty good about food allergies.  They have a place to write them down and special stickers to notify workers that a child has food allergies.  Our children's pastor has purchased name brand Cheerios because he knows of my son's allergies to wheat and that he can have Cheerios.

Initially, I hated having to put a special sticker on my son's back.  It's neon yellow with big black letters saying "Allergy Alert".  Every time he wore it, the teachers talked about it and he became the 'kid with the food allergy' instead of just another kid in the play area.  So I don't always put the sticker on him.  They always give Cheerios as a snack which he can eat, so I haven't worried.

Today, I learned that he needs that sticker.  He had three young ladies as his teachers today.  I stayed with him as I have been the past few weeks.  They were short on teachers so the 2's and 3's were grouped together.  The ladies did a great job teaching.  There was actual class structure with songs, a story, and bible verse.  I loved seeing them implement that.  Usually in the 2's class, the kids play randomly without any structure until the last 15 minutes where they clean up and have snack.

My little guy was having a pretty good time, and I was too -helping out and using my childcare expertise in assisting with the large group of kiddos.  Then they broke out the playdough and suddenly everything changed.  I realized the young ladies were not aware of my son's allergies to wheat or hadn't correlated the allergy to a "non-food" item such as playdough.  I nonchalantly took him out of the class so the other kids could enjoy their time with the playdough and my son could stay safe.  He wouldn't think twice about munching on some playdough.

We later came back when they were done with the playdough, and I explained to the ladies why we had left.  They were surprised and apologetic, which I brushed off with understanding that they didn't know.  No harm, no foul...and then I got to thinking.  If I hadn't been there, he would have been given a chunk of playdough like everyone else.  He probably would have at least tasted it, and then he'd have been reacting and miserable all afternoon.  I'm going to have to get used to him having the "kid with the allergies" label so he can be safe and still have fun when he is in group care.  Little things can make such a difference.

This Crazy Life

Since I last wrote, our house has gone under contract - yay!  I keep reminding myself nothing is for sure until we get to closing...another month and a half to go.  We've gone through an inspection and are negotiating with the buyers on what we are going to fix and not fix.  The roof is the big one, and insurance will cover it.  Praise the Lord on that one!

We took an overnight business trip to the 'big' city near our new home.  It was successful simply because our oldest two had a blast.  They really enjoyed it.

We've all been getting into a better routine with church on Sundays.  We switched back to first service, it leaves more time in the day afterwards for home life, and is less crowded.  I'm still spending service hanging out in the toddler nursery, although this last time my little guy didn't come to me as often and was interacting more with the leaders and other kids.  I see the light at the end of the tunnel!