Learning and Growing

I'm slowly leaving the survival mode and moving into a phase of growth and learning how to deal with my new circumstances and struggles.

I'm working on figuring out how to make sense of the chaos that I call my life and that means getting my priorities back on track.  Getting my devotions done each day is challenging.  I can't always do it at the same time each day because of the random demands of having an infant and a preschooler.  I've been improving and making time to do it most every day the past couple weeks.

I also received a wonderful book called Hope Unfolding by Becky Thompson.  She was/is a blogger I followed when my preschooler was a baby and she had a Facebook group at the time called Midnight Moms, where she was up in the middle of the night caring for her babies and working to encourage other moms in the same boat.  I always found her words encouraging and very down to earth -real.  Time went on and she moved out of the season of midnight feedings, and God opened doors for her to write a book encouraging moms.  I have only made it through one chapter (since my Secret Santa gave it to me for Christmas), but it is so refreshing and really is what I need right now.  My goal is to read a chapter a day if possible, if I have completed my personal devotions that day.  God's word needs to be more important than another mom's.

In other news I discovered a food trigger for my littlest guy!  I was so excited to finally have figured out one of his problem foods so I could remove it from my diet and his.

We have a new pediatrician since we moved and I like him for the most part.  He doesn't push vaccines and actually has said that some are more necessary than others and he doesn't think babies have to have all of the ones recommended by the CDC.  There are some that he does recommend, but he doesn't pressure parents who want to delay or refuse.  Unfortunately I am learning that he is uninformed about food intolerances and I suspect he doesn't quite believe me when I talk about food causing issues.

The newest medical advice is to introduce solids earlier again in hopes that earlier exposure will help to reduce kids who have severe allergic reactions.  So our pediatrician told me that at our 4 month visit and encouraged me to try with our little guy.  I was skeptical and should've followed my gut, but I really wanted a doc who understood food issues, so we tried.  We tried pears at 4.5 months, and baby had painful gas and trouble sleeping.  We tried carrots a few weeks later and then some homemade ground oats with breastmilk.  No luck.  All caused the same symptoms, but the oatmeal caused him to break out in a red angry rash all over his face and ears, down to his chest and back.  The doctor said it was eczema and not related to food.  When I told him it flared with oatmeal, he said eczema just does that sometimes and isn't usually due to any foods...that's when I knew he was not the support I was hoping for.  I kept my mouth shut and will continue to do what I know to be right for my baby.  I'm back to my own research and the support of my TED Mamas group online.  They are going through similar situations and we share our research, experiences, and knowledge with each other.  They are so helpful.

After cutting oats from our diet, the eczema cleared up except for a little area under his neck that stay moist most of the time from his drooling.  His horribly waxy ears cleared up (I've never seen anybody with as much ear wax as he had before!), and he was a much happier baby!  So happy that we figured out one more of his triggers!

Too Busy?

Living your faith in real life is never easy and nothing like the wonderful story books we read.  It takes a continuous striving, determination, and a frequent willingness to press the reset button to return to the beginning when we go astray.

Our oldest is a deep soul.  She thinks in terms of the eternal frequently and asks all new friends she meets about their faith.  Most of the neighbor kids on our block have affirmed that they do believe in God, but do not go to church because their families are too busy.  One neighbor, she gifted a bible from church.  Not a flimsy little paperback bible, but a solid, tabbed, hard-cover, shiny and colorful new bible.  Sometimes it is simply amazing to be her mom.  She commented how she has been learning that God works all things for His good and He has a purpose and plan for each of us.  Maybe, she says, "Maybe we moved so we could share Jesus with people here."

Her reports of the "too busy" reason resonates within me.  I often feel too busy.  Pressured and strapped for time.  The reality is that we all have the same amount of time in a given day, it is simply how we choose to spend that time that is different.  I try to remind myself of that whenever I feel like there isn't enough time in a day.  God gave us a certain amount of time.  How am I choosing to spend it?  How are you spending your time?

A Little Angry, A Little Sad

Sometimes it feels like arthritis is stealing my husband from me and my children's father from them.

I guess it is so rare a thing, that I don't always realize how much arthritis has taken from us.  Tonight I got a glimpse of the father my children could've had and it breaks my heart that he can't be the father he wants to be and they can't either.

It was the Fall Family Night at our church.  It's a small church so there were a few games to play, a cardboard box maze, mini-golf, craft area and refreshments.  Set up as an "open house" type agenda, families can come and go as they please.  I had mentioned possibly going to my hubby and he surprised me by saying he was going to come along too!  I was thrilled to be going as a complete family unit and relieved for the added support he gives with our two littlest ones.  The kids were just as happy to have Daddy going as well -he had not been to our church yet or met their teachers.

My hubby took our preschooler around to all of the games and helped him play.  One game set up in the church's backyard was a potato sack race.  He got our older girls to join in and to be goofy, when the race started he scooped up our preschooler and ran him across the grass!  It was so funny and I even got part of it on video!

That one little sprint cost him dearly.  His feet suffered neuropathy pain worse than he's had in ages.  His ribs/chest spasmed at the slightest movement, as well as other back spasms he has had lately.  After we got home and put the kids to bed he had to spend time with his heating pad and ergonomic chair rather than a night together as a couple.

I adore the video of him.  And I hate it.  I love the joy in his face and the children's faces.  I hate that this was a rare moment rather than a common one.  I love his ability to play with his kids.  I hate that it costs him so much, costs us so much.  It's not fair.  The person he is inside isn't free to be expressed the way it naturally would if his body were healthy.

As with many other times when I have a silent conversation with God in my head about my struggles, he challenges my thinking and changes my perspective.

There are families out there who don't have a father at all.  Or fathers with disabilities that don't allow them to have any moments like this one. Ever.  So, I have to tweak my perspective and rather than my focus being mourning the loss of what can't be, I can appreciate the gift of the moment we were given.  It is a memory 'captured on film' that will bring joy in the future.  The children will know that their daddy was there and he was an involved Daddy.

Halloween & Celebrating the Season of Fall!

I am enjoying the fall season this year!  The weather is cooling, but actually taking its time this year.  Many years we go straight from summer into winter weather.

Our girls decided for this year's costumes that they want to design shirts to wear that depict scripture verses.  We can't do our tradition of visiting Nana because we live too far away now, so we all agreed we would decorate our home and pass out candy and toys to our neighborhood kids!  They got excited about that idea!

I was excited too...no big costume expenses or stresses.  Then I saw all the candy prices...yikes!  Oh, well.  At least we get to all stay home together!

I've made a few shopping trips to local thrift stores and found a nice stool for a couple bucks.  We'll decorate the stool with fall colored table runners from the dollar store, ribbon, and fabric leaves.  I also got a cheap little scarecrow and some window clings.  It's fun to decorate and make our house feel more like a home.

Life's Challenges

Church, homeschool, food, injuries, health...what else will we deal with this season?

Church -we're back to our preschooler crying when I leave.  (he has some new teachers)

Homeschool -so many other challenges are slowing our progress.  We're just not getting as much done in a day as I would hope to.

Food -avoiding dairy, soy, corn, chocolate, and wheat leaves me hungry and struggling to find easy go-to snacks and has turned my grocery shopping upside down.

Injuries -our oldest sprained her finger on her dominant hand...everything has been hard for her.  I've had to help her wash her hair, write her school work, and many other little things you don't think about until you can't do them normally.  Thankfully she got her splint off this weekend and is on the mend!

Health -we've had two illnesses so far.  I am thankful that they didn't spread through the whole household and our littlest guy has been fortunate to not get sick.  Praise the Lord!

My hubby is in the process of starting a new medication for his arthritis that takes a while to start working -it could be December before he starts feeling the benefits.  In the start-up process, he may get worse physically and we are seeing some of the effects already.  His cane is back out, but not needed every day, and I get to blog a little more too...

We have more to come this week as well.  I will be taking our baby in to see a pediatric dentist for a lip tie.  He has either a Level 3 or Level 4 tie of his upper lip.  It makes breastfeeding harder for him because latching on properly is difficult and he is unable to nurse fully.  I had an awkward, but overall pleasant experience of going to see a lactation consultant.  She recommended a pediatric dentist vs. an ENT because of our family history with his older sister having a lip tie that interfered with her teeth.

The interesting thing about a lip tie is that many of the symptoms are identical to food intolerance symptoms.  I don't believe getting his lip tie revised will cure him, but I do hope he'll be able to nurse better and perhaps some of his symptoms will lessen or go away.

Finding God in the Busyness

Some seasons of life are just crazy busy.  So many demands on how you spend what time you have.  I'm in one of those seasons right now.

My every waking hour, and even those I spend sleeping are dictated by the needs of my children or husband.

The pressure was mounting and my sanity was faltering.  I found myself overwhelmed, self-doubting, self-condemning, angry and frustrated.  Those are times I need God most.  He is my rock.  My stability and my sanity.  But how do I find time...how do I make time when so many responsibilities are pressing in on me?

Priorities.  As simple as adjusting my priorities and as complicated as keeping them in check.

For me, this is how I am trying to put God first and actually spend time with Him:

At our 4:00-ish AM feeding, I read a devotion on an app I found called Sprinkle Jesus.  It is usually pretty good.  A quick verse each day with a short devotion. My baby gets fed nutrition and I get fed the Word and some good application.  I pray during feedings to as often as my mind remembers.  Sometimes, I have to admit, I forget...work in progress!

Getting ready in the morning (when I have the opportunity to get ready all at one time), I play worship songs to remind me of where my focus needs to be.

Our first school subject of the day is Faith & Character.  We talked about priorities as a lesson and hopefully my children and I will help each other stay accountable.

I bought a clip-on book reading light so I can read my bible and not wake up the baby when he is sleeping.

These are the little things I am working to fit into my day and use the time I have and the opportunities I have as wisely as I can.

The Rare Evening to Myself!

It actually happened.  Our baby went to bed at a decent time and I've had the past hour all to myself!

I spent my time organizing and preparing our homeschool things for the coming week, as well as a couple items for organizing throughout the coming year.  It feels so good to have some time to have my thoughts and choices all for myself and not interrupted or influenced by my family.

I found another homeschooling group in our area that has activities for extra curricular learning as opposed to our other group that is purely for social gatherings at the park once per week.  I was even more excited to learn this new group is the same group our church hosts monthly for a mom's night out!

The first "Educator's Fellowship" night is this week.  I am hoping to be able to make it as long as my health and our little guy's health holds.  Our preschooler had a nasty cough last week and we've all been exposed.  My throat has been feeling scratchy and thick like the beginnings of a cold, but God-willing, I am praying that my body will be able to fight it off!