Getting back into church on a regular basis is so awesome. I love the sermons and the lessons learned. I also love the inspiration to reach out to others. I just wish some of that could spill over and last throughout the week. It is all too frequent to have something happen that distracts or brings negative emotions to turn thoughts away from inspiration to "reality"?
Life is funny that way. Humans are funny that way. Spiritual battles are constantly raging and in these times it seems that there are more demonic activities going on than ever before. More lies, more distortion of truth, and rampant accepted sin in the world. At times I want to surround myself in Christ. To shelter myself and my loved ones away from the world...but we are called to go out into the world. I can't very well do that if I completely shelter myself. Is this overwhelming to think of to you too? :)
The importance of truly knowing the Bible and spending time with the Lord seeking his guidance and direction is increasing dramatically. I pray I am up to the task for myself, as a person, as a mother, as a wife, and as a witness to those around me.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Moved
Just finished watching "Letters To God" a movie about a little boy who had cancer and the way his letters to God touched the lives of everyone around him. I didn't realize it when I decided to watch it that it would hit so close to home emotionally. Yup. I cried at the littlest things in that movie. I can so totally relate to the emotions and the problems those people were dealing with.
I thank God that my husband appears to have overcome his cancer. It is still early to be saying things like that seeing how he is still recovering from major surgery and we haven't even had our first CT scan since, but the blood work is normal and there is a sense of God's peace in the thought of my husband being cancer-free.
Unlike many cancer stories, ours does not include chemo radiation, only surgeries. It almost makes it sound like we were blessed...well, we were. It could have been much worse. I know that I have grown more confident in my faith through cancer. Life is not about the things you accomplish or the paycheck you bring home. It isn't about the approval of your peers. Life is about the little things. The attitudes and reactions you choose in the everyday life experiences. When you trust in God and look to him for understanding and comfort, life is amazing. Even in the midst of the hardest times.
I thank God that my husband appears to have overcome his cancer. It is still early to be saying things like that seeing how he is still recovering from major surgery and we haven't even had our first CT scan since, but the blood work is normal and there is a sense of God's peace in the thought of my husband being cancer-free.
Unlike many cancer stories, ours does not include chemo radiation, only surgeries. It almost makes it sound like we were blessed...well, we were. It could have been much worse. I know that I have grown more confident in my faith through cancer. Life is not about the things you accomplish or the paycheck you bring home. It isn't about the approval of your peers. Life is about the little things. The attitudes and reactions you choose in the everyday life experiences. When you trust in God and look to him for understanding and comfort, life is amazing. Even in the midst of the hardest times.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Alone with God
I have never been able to perfect making time to be alone with God since my children were born. It is a constant struggle and I have learned a lot on the way and still have more to learn. I've learned a lot of what doesn't work. :)
Right now I have been trying to read a chapter of Proverbs each night for the month, and in the mornings I read through a couple Psalms. The morning time is such a struggle for me. I've really felt like God has been asking me to set aside my time and make him more important than a few more minutes of sleep. Jesus did it. I can do it. Mark 1:35 "Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed." NKJV Many times the bible talks about Jesus seeking solitude to be with God.
I set my alarm and I sit up in bed and read my Psalms...all the while my eyes are drooping and blinking and I struggle to pay attention to the words in front of me. Then I can't close my eyes to pray or I will fall asleep again...Satan sure doesn't want me awake for this! I think I will have to physically get out of bed and go somewhere else to read and pray in the quiet mornings. I've been praying for God to guide me and I know that if I make the effort he will teach me and help me do better.
What are your favorite ways to have alone time with God?
Right now I have been trying to read a chapter of Proverbs each night for the month, and in the mornings I read through a couple Psalms. The morning time is such a struggle for me. I've really felt like God has been asking me to set aside my time and make him more important than a few more minutes of sleep. Jesus did it. I can do it. Mark 1:35 "Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed." NKJV Many times the bible talks about Jesus seeking solitude to be with God.
I set my alarm and I sit up in bed and read my Psalms...all the while my eyes are drooping and blinking and I struggle to pay attention to the words in front of me. Then I can't close my eyes to pray or I will fall asleep again...Satan sure doesn't want me awake for this! I think I will have to physically get out of bed and go somewhere else to read and pray in the quiet mornings. I've been praying for God to guide me and I know that if I make the effort he will teach me and help me do better.
What are your favorite ways to have alone time with God?
Sunday, May 15, 2011
New Drama
My heart is breaking tonight. A loved one is hurting. I know the Lord is working in this situation and will continue to do so. All the same I want to be able to take the pain and confusion away. I want to swoop in and save the day, to have all the right answers and make it all better. I don't though. I do what I can and hope it is enough for the moment. It has to be because it is all I have. I trust the Lord that he will provide each step of the way and that I am just one of the many who will follow his leading and be what this loved one needs in this situation.
As I always do, I took in the new information from this drama and took care of what needed to be done. Then later, the emotions set in. The sadness, the concern, the hurt for them. All of them. I trust that God has a plan for this situation just as he did for me and still does. I pray that this situation brings all people involved into a deeper relationship with their Lord and Savior. That they would allow this to grow them closer to Him and mature their faith.
As I always do, I took in the new information from this drama and took care of what needed to be done. Then later, the emotions set in. The sadness, the concern, the hurt for them. All of them. I trust that God has a plan for this situation just as he did for me and still does. I pray that this situation brings all people involved into a deeper relationship with their Lord and Savior. That they would allow this to grow them closer to Him and mature their faith.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Test Results and Faith Growth
I am learning and growing continuously in my faith. The kids and I have made it to church a second week in a row and they are enjoying it and so am I! Hopefully next week, my hubby will be able to join us. He returned to work this week. It is challenging for him and it is such a stressful environment. Thankfully, he has a very understanding boss and co-workers. We got the results of his blood work from his post-op check up. Two tests returned normal and one test returned with elevated levels...but it could just be due to the fact that he is still healing from surgery. The test checks for levels of cell damage, not necessarily cancer. So we'll check it again in two weeks and the doctor expects levels to go down. If not, we'll probably be in for another CT scan and more testing to see if cancer may have returned. I'm not planning or thinking of that possibility much. It is a road I will take when we get there, if we get there.
This week's sermon was on the importance of an individual alone time with God. We read from Acts 20:13 and verses in context. Our pastor emphasized the importance of living your faith and that people should be able to see from the life you live that you have a close walk with the Lord. I enjoyed the reminder and the confirmation that faith in reality is important. The whole purpose of this blog. He also emphasized the importance of leaders being servants and not getting big-headed or proud, but serving in humility. That is another thing I am learning through this process. My prideful thoughts are decreasing and I feel like I am more meek and mild in my thinking than I used to be.
I'm reading a chapter of my bible at night now and also in the morning. I pray at both times and throughout the day. It isn't very organized, and doesn't always take very long, but my perspective on life is changing. I feel a change in my attitudes about things and in my choices that I make. My awareness of the things of God has expanded and I don't feel like I pray once and then forget about God until I need him. I feel his presence more than ever.
This week's sermon was on the importance of an individual alone time with God. We read from Acts 20:13 and verses in context. Our pastor emphasized the importance of living your faith and that people should be able to see from the life you live that you have a close walk with the Lord. I enjoyed the reminder and the confirmation that faith in reality is important. The whole purpose of this blog. He also emphasized the importance of leaders being servants and not getting big-headed or proud, but serving in humility. That is another thing I am learning through this process. My prideful thoughts are decreasing and I feel like I am more meek and mild in my thinking than I used to be.
I'm reading a chapter of my bible at night now and also in the morning. I pray at both times and throughout the day. It isn't very organized, and doesn't always take very long, but my perspective on life is changing. I feel a change in my attitudes about things and in my choices that I make. My awareness of the things of God has expanded and I don't feel like I pray once and then forget about God until I need him. I feel his presence more than ever.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
From the Mouths of Babes
Getting into the "Easter" frame of mind was difficult this year. Life has been so busy and overwhelming that I wanted to recognize and celebrate the glory of our Lord, but I wasn't feeling it.
Easter Sunday was the most difficult day. My hubby had tried a new medication suggested by the doctor and it completely knocked him out. He wasn't able to participate in the morning activities. I was determined to get the children to church at least for Easter (we hadn't been since before the surgery). I was short with the children and raised my voice trying to get out the door on time.
On the way there, my preschooler asked, "Why do we go to church?"
"To learn about God."
"How do you know so much about God?"
"I went to church when I was little just like you."
"Why do you still go to church?"
"I still have more to learn." I thought the conversation was over at this point, but no, she had the last word.
"Yeah, mom. You need to learn to be nice and kind."
Ouch! I admitted my mistake and apologized for my behavior telling her that she was right, I did need to work on being nice and kind with my words. What a lesson. Children teach us so much if we only pay attention.
Easter Sunday was the most difficult day. My hubby had tried a new medication suggested by the doctor and it completely knocked him out. He wasn't able to participate in the morning activities. I was determined to get the children to church at least for Easter (we hadn't been since before the surgery). I was short with the children and raised my voice trying to get out the door on time.
On the way there, my preschooler asked, "Why do we go to church?"
"To learn about God."
"How do you know so much about God?"
"I went to church when I was little just like you."
"Why do you still go to church?"
"I still have more to learn." I thought the conversation was over at this point, but no, she had the last word.
"Yeah, mom. You need to learn to be nice and kind."
Ouch! I admitted my mistake and apologized for my behavior telling her that she was right, I did need to work on being nice and kind with my words. What a lesson. Children teach us so much if we only pay attention.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
(a quote from Pinky & the Brain)
I'm tired and grouchy today. I wasn't sure if I should bother to blog today, even though it has been a while since I last wrote. I figure if this blog is only sunshine and roses, it wouldn't be true to the title of Faith in REALITY....so in reality, how is my faith?
Well, today it feels stalled. Or rather, I feel my brain is clouded with fatigue and long lists of important information I don't want to forget, but haven't had time to process. It is hard to get my mind to quiet itself to hear from God. I'm afraid to even try sometimes because I don't know if I will be able to focus on the things of God in the midst of my thoughts. From the outside, my life has returned to normal. The children are back in school. I'm back at work. Home life is calming, but it is not "normal". In fact, it is different than it has ever been before. We're still living in the temporary void called Recovery. To the children, Daddy, is unable to do the things he used to do with them, but they love to sit with him in his chair. To me, my husband is 'absent' simply because he is unable to be the man he was before surgery. He will be that man again. I know that. It is just a long road to get there. He is there, doing his best to heal and be a part of our lives. I miss working together around the house. I miss the rough-housing and teasing. I miss sitting together watching TV. Being the only healthy parent and only cook/housekeeper/physician, etc. is so exhausting.
I praise the Lord that I have kept up with the tasks that face me each day, but I feel fatigued in my soul...it is a feeling that doesn't go away. I sleep alone at night because my husband has not healed enough to sleep in bed yet. My ears are attuned to the children's night time noises. I will need to answer them if I hear the thud of a child falling out of bed or a cry from a nightmare. My thoughts are always full of what I need to do next to keep life going. I don't think my mind ever rests, even when sleeping.
My quiet time with the Lord yesterday was reading stories of David from my bible while I soaked in the tub...the only down time I really get, except when I have a lunch break at work. I really enjoyed just reading of David. It isn't often that I get engrossed in my bible. Sometimes it is just hard to read, or only a few verses stand out at me that really touch me, but last night it was like reading a novel and I enjoyed that. I'm not even sure what book I was reading, but it was about David being the anointed king over Israel after Saul's death, but before he was recognized and treated as king. He always seemed to have the respectful way to react to issues that came up when it would have been easy for him to react in sin. He seemed to know exactly how God would have him respond. I want to be that close to God too, to hear that small quiet voice behind me saying, 'This is the way, walk in it.' (Isaiah 30:21)
I'm tired and grouchy today. I wasn't sure if I should bother to blog today, even though it has been a while since I last wrote. I figure if this blog is only sunshine and roses, it wouldn't be true to the title of Faith in REALITY....so in reality, how is my faith?
Well, today it feels stalled. Or rather, I feel my brain is clouded with fatigue and long lists of important information I don't want to forget, but haven't had time to process. It is hard to get my mind to quiet itself to hear from God. I'm afraid to even try sometimes because I don't know if I will be able to focus on the things of God in the midst of my thoughts. From the outside, my life has returned to normal. The children are back in school. I'm back at work. Home life is calming, but it is not "normal". In fact, it is different than it has ever been before. We're still living in the temporary void called Recovery. To the children, Daddy, is unable to do the things he used to do with them, but they love to sit with him in his chair. To me, my husband is 'absent' simply because he is unable to be the man he was before surgery. He will be that man again. I know that. It is just a long road to get there. He is there, doing his best to heal and be a part of our lives. I miss working together around the house. I miss the rough-housing and teasing. I miss sitting together watching TV. Being the only healthy parent and only cook/housekeeper/physician, etc. is so exhausting.
I praise the Lord that I have kept up with the tasks that face me each day, but I feel fatigued in my soul...it is a feeling that doesn't go away. I sleep alone at night because my husband has not healed enough to sleep in bed yet. My ears are attuned to the children's night time noises. I will need to answer them if I hear the thud of a child falling out of bed or a cry from a nightmare. My thoughts are always full of what I need to do next to keep life going. I don't think my mind ever rests, even when sleeping.
My quiet time with the Lord yesterday was reading stories of David from my bible while I soaked in the tub...the only down time I really get, except when I have a lunch break at work. I really enjoyed just reading of David. It isn't often that I get engrossed in my bible. Sometimes it is just hard to read, or only a few verses stand out at me that really touch me, but last night it was like reading a novel and I enjoyed that. I'm not even sure what book I was reading, but it was about David being the anointed king over Israel after Saul's death, but before he was recognized and treated as king. He always seemed to have the respectful way to react to issues that came up when it would have been easy for him to react in sin. He seemed to know exactly how God would have him respond. I want to be that close to God too, to hear that small quiet voice behind me saying, 'This is the way, walk in it.' (Isaiah 30:21)
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