I recently changed shifts at work to the opening shift. This means I now get up before the sun. My oldest daughter blames me when she is tired/grouchy because I wake her up too early. Tonight I am tired enough to go to bed and sleep very well. I'm just avoiding it to finish listening to my pastor's most recent sermon. He has been gone a while, grieving the death of his son. It is good to hear him again, and to hear that his faith is just as strong, his gift of teaching the Word has not been hindered by his recent life experience.
The drama in my life seems to revolve around work. But there are things going on in the home front too, just not as stressful. My children are in swimming lessons on a weekly basis, and my husband and I are continuing to figure out how to work together and what our goals for our family are. When work is stressful it is hard to be present at home. When I am able to leave work on time and not work overtime, it is very nice. That is the perk of working the early shift! I come home well before supper time while it is still daytime and energy is still available.
A theatre camp is sharing the same building as my children's school. I got to go with them to see a dress rehearsal of the Sound of Music and later Alice in Wonderland. It was very well done and it is all done by children. My youngest is my performer and it was fun to watch the intensity on her face as she watched the play and took it all in. I could see that not only was she enjoying the story, but she was fascinated by the costumes, makeup, songs, and even the boy who played Captain Von Trapp...and we are no where near the teenage years yet!!! Oh, dear...I see the cuteness of this moment, but I also foresee a challenging future as a mother in this moment!
My oldest is having a better summer than last year. She has more peers her age this year and the teacher is much better at handling the cruelty children can throw around. I have been helping her capture creepy crawlies, although she has gone farther than I care to. She is catching moths and spiders in addition to the normal centipedes and roly poly bugs.
All in all, I am learning how to be WITH my family more. To be mentally present, physically present and to include them in my daily activities. My hubby and I are talking better and sharing on a more team level. My children and I are having more times together being ourselves. And I am praying to figure out how to stay close to the Lord and keep that relationship growing...thanks for reading. Have a wonderful night!
Friday, June 28, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
WITH...(update at the end)
God has been busy in my life and I can't always comprehend it all, I know He is working. It is incredibly complicated if I look at all the responsibilities and details in my life, and yet, wonderfully amazing when I look at how God is providing, teaching, and protecting.
As a woman after God's own heart: He is showing me that I need to be spending more time WITH Him, studying the Word, not just the daily readings that I do.
As a wife: He has been teaching me how to work WITH my husband and communicate better as we talk through our goals and dreams for our family, our home, and our future.
As a mom: He has been teaching me to spend time WITH my children, developing relationships and not just near them.
As a leader in a ministry that is also a business: He has been teaching me what I am not doing well and where to step up my efforts. One area is spending more time WITH my teachers, involved in their daily work and not just the work that piles on my desk.
As you can see, WITH is becoming a theme of growth in my life. I have always been content to be a follower. Content to be near others. Content to have just enough or almost enough. Content to be less than. It isn't always a good thing to be complacent and easy-going. I am learning to allow myself to be an assertive decision-maker, an active part of the events going on around me.
Update:
In my last post, I had just done the hardest thing I have ever done. While I felt God's perfect peace, it was hard to face the negativity and the petty comments. It was harder still not to know how it was received by my staff. Over the next two weeks, I began to see a bit of a change in attitudes and behaviors. When I walked through the building to talk to my staff, I noticed that many of them didn't know quite how to react to me anymore. Something had changed. It seemed a little bit better, but I wasn't sure. Last Friday was our full-day meeting. I had the normal business topics to discuss, but all I could think about was what God wanted me to bring for the devotion -the spiritual part of the day. It has become a habit that in preparing for those meetings I spend an increased amount of time in prayer and searching the Word of God for insight and guidance as to what topic to share with my staff. The night before our meeting I was again seeking the Lord to show me. He revealed that I didn't need to focus on just one topic, but if we used small groups to research a topic in each group, we could cover many of the important topics I was drawn to. I spend several hours reading the verses about 6 different character traits of living a godly life. At the meeting, I gave one topic and it's corresponding verses to each table. They were to look up and read the verses, discuss what they felt God was showing them in those verses and then present what they learned to the whole group. It was utterly amazing. I was simply a facilitator. I didn't preach. I didn't lecture. I let them speak and boy did God speak through them! Every point and every thing I would have lectured/preached about came out of their mouths and from their own hearts. I just sat back and listened.
And then the most amazing thing happened. At the final table's presentation, the speaker broke. God brought her to a place of brokenness. She shared her struggles and begged forgiveness for her failures. Most people probably had no clue what she was asking forgiveness for...but she did. God did. And that one person coming forth so humbly and so sincerely opened the door for the Holy Spirit to do an awesome work in the lives of each person there. After that others came forward to share what was on their hearts. Some shared wisdom, some shared frustrations with their coworkers. Some shared what God was doing in their lives through the ministry we work in. And when it was all over, it felt like we were given a breath of fresh air. The heaviness of the oppression we faced was gone. Our boss (my direct supervisor) came in to encourage and he really uplifted their spirits as well. God is good...that's all I can say.
As a woman after God's own heart: He is showing me that I need to be spending more time WITH Him, studying the Word, not just the daily readings that I do.
As a wife: He has been teaching me how to work WITH my husband and communicate better as we talk through our goals and dreams for our family, our home, and our future.
As a mom: He has been teaching me to spend time WITH my children, developing relationships and not just near them.
As a leader in a ministry that is also a business: He has been teaching me what I am not doing well and where to step up my efforts. One area is spending more time WITH my teachers, involved in their daily work and not just the work that piles on my desk.
As you can see, WITH is becoming a theme of growth in my life. I have always been content to be a follower. Content to be near others. Content to have just enough or almost enough. Content to be less than. It isn't always a good thing to be complacent and easy-going. I am learning to allow myself to be an assertive decision-maker, an active part of the events going on around me.
Update:
In my last post, I had just done the hardest thing I have ever done. While I felt God's perfect peace, it was hard to face the negativity and the petty comments. It was harder still not to know how it was received by my staff. Over the next two weeks, I began to see a bit of a change in attitudes and behaviors. When I walked through the building to talk to my staff, I noticed that many of them didn't know quite how to react to me anymore. Something had changed. It seemed a little bit better, but I wasn't sure. Last Friday was our full-day meeting. I had the normal business topics to discuss, but all I could think about was what God wanted me to bring for the devotion -the spiritual part of the day. It has become a habit that in preparing for those meetings I spend an increased amount of time in prayer and searching the Word of God for insight and guidance as to what topic to share with my staff. The night before our meeting I was again seeking the Lord to show me. He revealed that I didn't need to focus on just one topic, but if we used small groups to research a topic in each group, we could cover many of the important topics I was drawn to. I spend several hours reading the verses about 6 different character traits of living a godly life. At the meeting, I gave one topic and it's corresponding verses to each table. They were to look up and read the verses, discuss what they felt God was showing them in those verses and then present what they learned to the whole group. It was utterly amazing. I was simply a facilitator. I didn't preach. I didn't lecture. I let them speak and boy did God speak through them! Every point and every thing I would have lectured/preached about came out of their mouths and from their own hearts. I just sat back and listened.
And then the most amazing thing happened. At the final table's presentation, the speaker broke. God brought her to a place of brokenness. She shared her struggles and begged forgiveness for her failures. Most people probably had no clue what she was asking forgiveness for...but she did. God did. And that one person coming forth so humbly and so sincerely opened the door for the Holy Spirit to do an awesome work in the lives of each person there. After that others came forward to share what was on their hearts. Some shared wisdom, some shared frustrations with their coworkers. Some shared what God was doing in their lives through the ministry we work in. And when it was all over, it felt like we were given a breath of fresh air. The heaviness of the oppression we faced was gone. Our boss (my direct supervisor) came in to encourage and he really uplifted their spirits as well. God is good...that's all I can say.
Friday, May 31, 2013
PERFECT PEACE
I'm in that place of perfect peace -a place I believe could be a place called spiritual protection. I am neither happy nor sad and the stress I have been facing has no hold on me. God answers prayer so fully that I can only praise Him and be grateful.
The issues amongst my staff at work seemed to be falling into place in my last post and those particular ones have. God brought to light this past week or two that there is a deeper evil at work. A spirit of division and dissention was emerging. I have spent so much more time reading the Word and in prayer these last few days and tonight was our staff meeting.
I prayed, my team and I prayed together -banishing Satan and his minions and calling on the protection of the Lord, and praying that the Lord would speak through me. I know that in my own power I cannot effect the evil that was present in our ministry. I gave my staff the opportunity to anonymously write down and submit their concerns or difficulties. Then I took each concern (except for the ones specific to individuals) and publically addressed them in front of my staff right then and there. The room was silent. When I had addressed the final concern in the pile, our time was up and I thanked them for their honesty and released them to their personal lives.
I don't know how it was received. I don't know what the outcome will be. All I know is that I am in a place of peace and not stressed or fearful at all. I trust the Lord to provide and bring good from this in whatever way He knows to be best.
The issues amongst my staff at work seemed to be falling into place in my last post and those particular ones have. God brought to light this past week or two that there is a deeper evil at work. A spirit of division and dissention was emerging. I have spent so much more time reading the Word and in prayer these last few days and tonight was our staff meeting.
I prayed, my team and I prayed together -banishing Satan and his minions and calling on the protection of the Lord, and praying that the Lord would speak through me. I know that in my own power I cannot effect the evil that was present in our ministry. I gave my staff the opportunity to anonymously write down and submit their concerns or difficulties. Then I took each concern (except for the ones specific to individuals) and publically addressed them in front of my staff right then and there. The room was silent. When I had addressed the final concern in the pile, our time was up and I thanked them for their honesty and released them to their personal lives.
I don't know how it was received. I don't know what the outcome will be. All I know is that I am in a place of peace and not stressed or fearful at all. I trust the Lord to provide and bring good from this in whatever way He knows to be best.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Peace and TGIF!!!
The past few weeks have been full of ups and downs. My last posting was during a time of struggle in my job and in my personal life. Thankfully, my youngest's enlarged lymph node was caught in time and the super strong antibiotics have dramatically decreased its size to nearly back to normal.
A friend of mine lost her baby, my co-worker lost her daddy, my pastor's son is in a coma, and it felt like everywhere I turned was somebody struggling. My boss -I am so thankful for him!- noticed that I was struggling and has ordered me to take a few days off surrounding a weekend and to make sure that at least one night I send my kiddos to a babysitter to spend time with my hubby. Who has a boss like this?! I can only give glory to God for having such a godly supervisor and one who notices and cares about the truly important things. I am looking forward to my "vacation" and didn't realize how much it was needed.
Knowing that my boss ordered me to take time off because he didn't want me to burn out (rather than my job being in jeopardy like I first thought), really helped my mental outlook as I continued to deal with the ongoing issues at work and home.
At work, we were losing clients left and right. Not for bad reasons at all, but still, it really hurts our business. I had teachers who were struggling and places where their personalities were changing and just not the right fit any more and when I placed ads to hire more employees, the resumes came in very sparse. It seemed as if God was removing His blessing from our program and I wasn't sure why. Part of me wondered if it was the staff not being obedient. The other part of me asked God to show me if I played a role in it. He showed me a new perspective on some things and an area where I had made some choices that didn't please Him. It felt really good to understand those things and make them right by confessing the errors of those choices I had made and by seeing things in a more godly perspective.
Working through the struggles got a little easier with that revelation. And then in just the past 2-3 days, God has also worked out some amazing solutions to our staffing issues at work and the peace of knowing that piece is solved for the moment is so nice! The personality struggles and minor complications have all been re-worked and nearly everyone is now happy or eagerly awaiting things to take place. We are still praying that God brings us new clients, but in the meantime I haven't had to lay anyone off and I have been able (with God's help) to find solutions to making sure this slow-down in business doesn't hurt the program. Watching God work is so amazing!
A friend of mine lost her baby, my co-worker lost her daddy, my pastor's son is in a coma, and it felt like everywhere I turned was somebody struggling. My boss -I am so thankful for him!- noticed that I was struggling and has ordered me to take a few days off surrounding a weekend and to make sure that at least one night I send my kiddos to a babysitter to spend time with my hubby. Who has a boss like this?! I can only give glory to God for having such a godly supervisor and one who notices and cares about the truly important things. I am looking forward to my "vacation" and didn't realize how much it was needed.
Knowing that my boss ordered me to take time off because he didn't want me to burn out (rather than my job being in jeopardy like I first thought), really helped my mental outlook as I continued to deal with the ongoing issues at work and home.
At work, we were losing clients left and right. Not for bad reasons at all, but still, it really hurts our business. I had teachers who were struggling and places where their personalities were changing and just not the right fit any more and when I placed ads to hire more employees, the resumes came in very sparse. It seemed as if God was removing His blessing from our program and I wasn't sure why. Part of me wondered if it was the staff not being obedient. The other part of me asked God to show me if I played a role in it. He showed me a new perspective on some things and an area where I had made some choices that didn't please Him. It felt really good to understand those things and make them right by confessing the errors of those choices I had made and by seeing things in a more godly perspective.
Working through the struggles got a little easier with that revelation. And then in just the past 2-3 days, God has also worked out some amazing solutions to our staffing issues at work and the peace of knowing that piece is solved for the moment is so nice! The personality struggles and minor complications have all been re-worked and nearly everyone is now happy or eagerly awaiting things to take place. We are still praying that God brings us new clients, but in the meantime I haven't had to lay anyone off and I have been able (with God's help) to find solutions to making sure this slow-down in business doesn't hurt the program. Watching God work is so amazing!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
I'm tired, I'm worn, my heart is heavy...
That's how I felt today, just completely burdened with the weight of responsibility that I bear. I don't want to give Satan too much credit, but it felt as if he was just hammering down on me the past few days, whether those around me weren't being obedient to God, or perhaps I had something unknown to me that was hindering me, I'm not sure.
I had a good cry, albeit a short one, in the office today. It helped a lot. Haven't had a good cry like that in a long time. There is just so many little things going on and going wrong that it gets overwhelming. I am thankful for my wonderful co-workers who buttered me up with chocolates and love.
My youngest is currently at the ER (hopefully on their way home soon) with her daddy while I am waiting to hear what happened. Just before we put her to bed she was complaining that her neck hurt and we noticed a large, hard mass where her lymph node is supposed to be under her jawbone. Of course, it brings up fears of cancer, but it is more likely an infection of some sort. We shall see.
Being up this late I am definitely tired. I am chaperoning a field trip tomorrow -that will be interesting...I think God did tell me not to commit to that one, or at least that it wasn't the wisest of decisions. I know -I make my own schedule and it is a busy one this week! Always learning as I go. I don't know that I will ever have it all figured out...nah, this world is too crazy for that to happen!
I had a good cry, albeit a short one, in the office today. It helped a lot. Haven't had a good cry like that in a long time. There is just so many little things going on and going wrong that it gets overwhelming. I am thankful for my wonderful co-workers who buttered me up with chocolates and love.
My youngest is currently at the ER (hopefully on their way home soon) with her daddy while I am waiting to hear what happened. Just before we put her to bed she was complaining that her neck hurt and we noticed a large, hard mass where her lymph node is supposed to be under her jawbone. Of course, it brings up fears of cancer, but it is more likely an infection of some sort. We shall see.
Being up this late I am definitely tired. I am chaperoning a field trip tomorrow -that will be interesting...I think God did tell me not to commit to that one, or at least that it wasn't the wisest of decisions. I know -I make my own schedule and it is a busy one this week! Always learning as I go. I don't know that I will ever have it all figured out...nah, this world is too crazy for that to happen!
Friday, April 19, 2013
Faith: In Reality
It seems my blogging self is back! It is late at night so I am, of course, more reflective and analyzing my thoughts. I don't quite know where to begin with all that is in my head at the moment.
I work closely with two very wonderful women. We are all different as can be, but yet the same in so many ways. I am the 'boss' and they are my support, my team. All of us are at different places in our spiritual journey and it amazes me the way we feed and support each other. We share a love and a closeness, friendship, that I have never shared before with other women. I cannot fathom how this happened to me...just by God's power I guess.
All my struggling to remain in God's will and not allow myself to stray away the past several years, I suppose that can be called walking in faith. Faith In Reality. I am seeing a culmination of events and growth in my life, things that have come into place in ways I could never have imagined. This is most definitely not the end of my spiritual journey with Christ, but it seems to be a new level. A new depth and something so much more than just myself. Maybe I am growing out of the beginner Christian stage of development where things were about me and God, to a place where it becomes more of a place about God and me and the surroundings He has placed me in.
This is neat. This is new. A little awesome to consider. Where are you taking me, Lord?
I work closely with two very wonderful women. We are all different as can be, but yet the same in so many ways. I am the 'boss' and they are my support, my team. All of us are at different places in our spiritual journey and it amazes me the way we feed and support each other. We share a love and a closeness, friendship, that I have never shared before with other women. I cannot fathom how this happened to me...just by God's power I guess.
All my struggling to remain in God's will and not allow myself to stray away the past several years, I suppose that can be called walking in faith. Faith In Reality. I am seeing a culmination of events and growth in my life, things that have come into place in ways I could never have imagined. This is most definitely not the end of my spiritual journey with Christ, but it seems to be a new level. A new depth and something so much more than just myself. Maybe I am growing out of the beginner Christian stage of development where things were about me and God, to a place where it becomes more of a place about God and me and the surroundings He has placed me in.
This is neat. This is new. A little awesome to consider. Where are you taking me, Lord?
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Bummer Deals
Today has come with lots of sad news. The baby of a friend of mine who has been in the hospital since birth has just been diagnosed with some severe defects in her lungs and airway. The next step is a trach while the doctors decide just how to proceed. The trach may or may not be a permanent fixture. :( This news comes about a week after they thought she was on the road to going home with mom and dad.
Then my friend who lost a leg to cancer, has finished a several-month-long chemo treatment for a side-effect of the cancer she beat, is currently in the hospital due to low platelet counts and fever. It is scary because when she first learned of the side-effect issue, they told her she may only have 5 years to live and I desperately want to see God use the light she shares much longer than that. She has a 13yr old son also.
And on the home front, my honey finally looked up his last test results for his hormone levels. He was feeling so good on the injections, he delayed taking them to see if his body might be making more hormones on its own. He dreams of one day getting off the injections. The results showed the lowest levels he has ever tested. Those dreams are dashed to the ground. Unless God chooses to heal this, bi-monthly injections are a forever part of his life. This news is not surprising, nor shocking, but to face that reality isn't fun.
I know God is at work. I know I am being tested. By the grace of God I survived a full on spiritual attack at work in the form of a very angry client yesterday and now it seems there is an emotional thing happening today. Yesterday I rejoiced regardless of the attack because it was so amazing to see God working in my job and the lives of those around me. The emotional attack is a little different. It takes me into a quiet place inside myself where I look to the Lord to help me find the truth of the situation despite how I might feel about it...
Then my friend who lost a leg to cancer, has finished a several-month-long chemo treatment for a side-effect of the cancer she beat, is currently in the hospital due to low platelet counts and fever. It is scary because when she first learned of the side-effect issue, they told her she may only have 5 years to live and I desperately want to see God use the light she shares much longer than that. She has a 13yr old son also.
And on the home front, my honey finally looked up his last test results for his hormone levels. He was feeling so good on the injections, he delayed taking them to see if his body might be making more hormones on its own. He dreams of one day getting off the injections. The results showed the lowest levels he has ever tested. Those dreams are dashed to the ground. Unless God chooses to heal this, bi-monthly injections are a forever part of his life. This news is not surprising, nor shocking, but to face that reality isn't fun.
I know God is at work. I know I am being tested. By the grace of God I survived a full on spiritual attack at work in the form of a very angry client yesterday and now it seems there is an emotional thing happening today. Yesterday I rejoiced regardless of the attack because it was so amazing to see God working in my job and the lives of those around me. The emotional attack is a little different. It takes me into a quiet place inside myself where I look to the Lord to help me find the truth of the situation despite how I might feel about it...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)