Our first venture into homeschooling wasn't too bad. We had three days of school and one day on a field trip! The more structured school work went pretty well. The kids like having a "to-do" list and goals to accomplish. The less structured activities presented more of a challenge with behavior issues, I hadn't expected.
A comment many homeschooling parents have told us proves to be true already. Character and behavior lessons are much more important than academics...the academics will come, but not as smoothly when there are character/behavior challenges to overcome!
Basically, the kids and I need to develop more of an understanding of school time with mom vs. regular life with mom. At a typical school, they leave the home atmosphere and transition into a different environment with a different authority figure called "teacher". Mom as teacher in the same environment as home, doesn't have the same obvious cues to expected behaviors.
On the plus side, we finished school by lunch time most days. That was wonderful! And I really enjoyed being able to have a set time for bible devotions with them. They really enjoyed the activities we did that were hands-on and group oriented. The adventure continues this coming week...our first week of five full days of plain school (no field trips or holidays).
Sunday, September 11, 2016
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Diets, Weightloss, and Food Intolerances!
Life is always interesting, that's for sure! Little Mister developed an intolerance to dairy and soy proteins ...at least I hope that's all it is. At about 3 weeks old he started having blood in his stools, just a few red spots or streaks with mucous. As a breastfeeding momma, I'm now on a dairy free and soy free diet.
It's an interesting turn of events. Most of my extended family on my side follows much stricter and healthier eating habits than I do. I never thought I'd have the will power or desire to ever try...I enjoy my processed foods! However, my son's health is an excellent motivator and I don't want to pay the high price for the specialty formulas (costing up to $400 per month according to my sister in law).
The dairy is easier to cut out than the soy, simply because nearly everything in the normal grocery stores seems to have some sort of soy in it. Several restaurants are really good at listing which menu items have soy, but they don't include the soy oils. I guess soy oils are not as likely to be an allergen, but they are a possible one. I haven't completely cut them out of my diet, but I try not to eat them if possible. The one restaurant that seems to be safe is Chipotle! They don't use soy oils to cook with at all! Instead of only a couple menu items that are safe to eat, there are only a couple I can't have. That was exciting to find!
Physically, I've been losing weight quickly. I'm sure partially because of the extreme swelling I had while pregnant. All that swelling is gone and my middle continues to shrink. It's like my body is reversing the weight loss of pregnancy. I took 9 months to gain it all, and now it's coming off little by little. I've lost over 30 pound in 3.5 weeks, but it is slowing down now. I still have 11 pounds to go to reach my pre-pregnancy weight, and even then I was wanting to lose10-20 pounds of previous baby weight gained. So I'm interested to see exactly how much comes off easily and what decides to stick around and make me work to get rid of it. My new diet cuts out a lot of fat I used to eat, maybe that will help too.
I do plan on getting back into shape. I want some tone back in my body. I don't need to be totally fit or muscular, but I don't like the lack of strength and additional aches that come with being out of shape. It'll be another interesting thing to see how easy/difficult those goals will be as a stay-home mom and a homeschool mom. :)
It's an interesting turn of events. Most of my extended family on my side follows much stricter and healthier eating habits than I do. I never thought I'd have the will power or desire to ever try...I enjoy my processed foods! However, my son's health is an excellent motivator and I don't want to pay the high price for the specialty formulas (costing up to $400 per month according to my sister in law).
The dairy is easier to cut out than the soy, simply because nearly everything in the normal grocery stores seems to have some sort of soy in it. Several restaurants are really good at listing which menu items have soy, but they don't include the soy oils. I guess soy oils are not as likely to be an allergen, but they are a possible one. I haven't completely cut them out of my diet, but I try not to eat them if possible. The one restaurant that seems to be safe is Chipotle! They don't use soy oils to cook with at all! Instead of only a couple menu items that are safe to eat, there are only a couple I can't have. That was exciting to find!
Physically, I've been losing weight quickly. I'm sure partially because of the extreme swelling I had while pregnant. All that swelling is gone and my middle continues to shrink. It's like my body is reversing the weight loss of pregnancy. I took 9 months to gain it all, and now it's coming off little by little. I've lost over 30 pound in 3.5 weeks, but it is slowing down now. I still have 11 pounds to go to reach my pre-pregnancy weight, and even then I was wanting to lose10-20 pounds of previous baby weight gained. So I'm interested to see exactly how much comes off easily and what decides to stick around and make me work to get rid of it. My new diet cuts out a lot of fat I used to eat, maybe that will help too.
I do plan on getting back into shape. I want some tone back in my body. I don't need to be totally fit or muscular, but I don't like the lack of strength and additional aches that come with being out of shape. It'll be another interesting thing to see how easy/difficult those goals will be as a stay-home mom and a homeschool mom. :)
Sunday, August 14, 2016
C-Section Delivery & Recovery
As scary as it was to think of undergoing major abdominal surgery, it truly was not so terrible.
We arrived at the hospital two hours prior to the scheduled surgery - I wasn't allowed to eat anything since supper the night before. The nurse started my IV and took bloodwork to double check my blood type and be ready for surgery what-ifs. They checked my vitals, had me change into the beautiful gown and basically Hubby and I hung out in the "triage" room waiting and answering questions from the different nurses and doctors that came in to say "hi" and introduce which part of the surgery team they were on. It was a large group of people -more than I had imagined. There was my OB doctor and her resident, their nurses and assistants. There was the anesthesia team doctor and her resident and assistants. Then the team for the baby and his nurses. After all the people Hubby got to change into his surgery costume (a full body blue suit with hair cover, shoe covers, and mask for his beard). I drank a nasty unflavored Alka-Seltzer to help prevent nausea.
My hubby got to stay with me until it was time to go into the operating room and do the spinal block. I walked into the OR, they helped me to sit on the operating table -which was much skinnier than I had imagined, only wide enough for my body. A nurse helped me sit hunched over while the resident administered the spinal block, it was a pinch for the numbing agent. It made me flinch physically, but otherwise didn't hurt. I felt the spinal block, but not any pain. When they finished, they immediately swung my feet onto the table and helped me lay down. My hubby couldn't join me in the OR until they were sure the spinal block worked. If by chance it didn't work, they would have to put me completely under and then he wouldn't be allowed to be in the OR at all. Thankfully, it worked! The only issue was that the doctors were busy doing their checklists to get the surgery done, instead of checking my sensitivity to pain, so Hubby ended up waiting a long 15 minutes to join me.
When things were finally ready to begin, my arms were placed "crucifixion" style on the wings of the operating table, but not tied down. The clear drape was put in place over my chest with a removable blue cover so I didn't see the actual surgery process. I could hear the doctor's talking, feel the tugging and pulling at my abdomen as they opened me up. It seemed to take a while, but eventually they were ready to deliver baby and removed the cover so I could see! They quickly pulled him out and showed me his whole little body -boy parts and all (I guess that's customary in case parents didn't know what the sex was prior to delivery). Then almost as quickly they whisked him back away. Then I they helped me do skin-to-skin time with him. He had his little hat on and because the drape was so high up on me, it was hard to get a focused view of him. His face was too close for me to see well, but I tried! Then we tried nursing and he nursed right away! He was grunting and crying and then nursing. A special time to bond while they completed the surgery.
Afterwards, they rolled me onto a body board and moved me onto a regular hospital bed. I had oxygen tubes in my nose (placed there during surgery) and they moved me to the recovery room. It had space for four beds, but I was the only patient in there, so all of our family members could join us! It was nice getting to hang out with family. Hubby got to trim the umbilical cord with a scalpel (he says it cut much nicer than the scissors they usually give you do). I was out of it, I was sleepy and the nurses kept telling me to breath deeply because my oxygen levels were going down when I had shallower breaths. I tried, but kept falling asleep and then they'd come back and wake me up to tell me to breath deep again...I found it quite annoying and frustrating, but I understood it was necessary and they were simply doing their job. I don't think I realized it was part of the recovery process for me.
Eventually I passed whatever tests they were doing on me to be able to leave recovery and we waited for a room to come available. It surprised me how busy we were each day. It seemed like there was never time to enjoy even one movie without interruptions. Someone was always coming in... whether it was family visiting, the room service people bringing food, the assistants checking my vital signs, the nurses giving me medications or checking on my progress, or the doctors doing their rounds. I didn't mind it all, but it surprised me how little time we actually had to relax.
We stayed in the hospital a full 3 days. I almost went home a little early, but was nervous about being on my own, especially after I had fainted after a too-warm shower. Luckily, I had called my husband to help me when I started feeling light headed and he caught me before I fell. Then he pulled the "help" cord and I woke up surrounded by 4-5 nurses all helping me and talking to me. The alcohol swab they stuck under my nose helped the most. In addition to the requirements of having to be able to walk myself around, I had to be able to pass gas and pee on my own. Farting was easy, but I was surprised to find that it was difficult to relax my body to pee. The nurse explained that sometimes it was a protective response to prevent any pain, and while I didn't feel any pain, my body was anticipating it somehow. When I did finally pee, I filled that whole "hat" thing they put in the toilet to measure my output. They told me what a good job I did. I thought, well, you wait a full day to pee and see how much you output! I wasn't so impressed.
Our older kiddos got to come visit us once or twice each day and it was nice to get to see them, and a blessing to know they were having fun with other family members. The baby nursed well, and did a good job of passing all the sticky tar poops for his daddy to clean up! ;)
The worst part of the whole experience was when we were discharged. We had to go to the pharmacy to get my pain medications and it took over an hour and a half to get them. The line was terribly long and they only had one cashier. My husband was livid and I was miserable, just out of the hospital with a newborn. By the time we left, my pain meds from that morning had run out and I was needing to take more. I filed a complaint with the hospital for that. No surgery patient should ever have to deal with that issue. If you ever find yourself a surgery patient and need to get your pharmacy pain meds from the hospital after discharge...make sure your discharging nurse confirms with the pharmacy that the meds are completely ready for pick-up before you complete discharge paperwork. That way, if they are behind, you can stay in the comfy hospital bed with access to medications until yours are ready for you.
At home I went up the stairs one step at a time, two-footing each step. I sat carefully on the couch, but needed my hubby to help me get back up. My feet still struggled with the swelling several days afterwards, so I still needed to keep my feet up and wear my compression socks. The body binder I had purchased for my post partum care didn't fit, but thankfully the hospital gave me one after I requested it (while we were admitted), and I got to take it home with me. That helped the pain. Again, I was surprised, that most of my pain came from when I was in the car and my Jell-O belly jostled around. Wearing the belly binder helped "hold me in", and reduced that jostling pain. My husband had to care for me and do most everything else around the house for the first few days until I figured out how to get around. Once I figured out what I could manage, I took it easy and enjoyed the time at home with the baby and my hubby. Plus, my mommy came to help out too! Having her there was so nice!
We arrived at the hospital two hours prior to the scheduled surgery - I wasn't allowed to eat anything since supper the night before. The nurse started my IV and took bloodwork to double check my blood type and be ready for surgery what-ifs. They checked my vitals, had me change into the beautiful gown and basically Hubby and I hung out in the "triage" room waiting and answering questions from the different nurses and doctors that came in to say "hi" and introduce which part of the surgery team they were on. It was a large group of people -more than I had imagined. There was my OB doctor and her resident, their nurses and assistants. There was the anesthesia team doctor and her resident and assistants. Then the team for the baby and his nurses. After all the people Hubby got to change into his surgery costume (a full body blue suit with hair cover, shoe covers, and mask for his beard). I drank a nasty unflavored Alka-Seltzer to help prevent nausea.
My hubby got to stay with me until it was time to go into the operating room and do the spinal block. I walked into the OR, they helped me to sit on the operating table -which was much skinnier than I had imagined, only wide enough for my body. A nurse helped me sit hunched over while the resident administered the spinal block, it was a pinch for the numbing agent. It made me flinch physically, but otherwise didn't hurt. I felt the spinal block, but not any pain. When they finished, they immediately swung my feet onto the table and helped me lay down. My hubby couldn't join me in the OR until they were sure the spinal block worked. If by chance it didn't work, they would have to put me completely under and then he wouldn't be allowed to be in the OR at all. Thankfully, it worked! The only issue was that the doctors were busy doing their checklists to get the surgery done, instead of checking my sensitivity to pain, so Hubby ended up waiting a long 15 minutes to join me.
When things were finally ready to begin, my arms were placed "crucifixion" style on the wings of the operating table, but not tied down. The clear drape was put in place over my chest with a removable blue cover so I didn't see the actual surgery process. I could hear the doctor's talking, feel the tugging and pulling at my abdomen as they opened me up. It seemed to take a while, but eventually they were ready to deliver baby and removed the cover so I could see! They quickly pulled him out and showed me his whole little body -boy parts and all (I guess that's customary in case parents didn't know what the sex was prior to delivery). Then almost as quickly they whisked him back away. Then I they helped me do skin-to-skin time with him. He had his little hat on and because the drape was so high up on me, it was hard to get a focused view of him. His face was too close for me to see well, but I tried! Then we tried nursing and he nursed right away! He was grunting and crying and then nursing. A special time to bond while they completed the surgery.
Afterwards, they rolled me onto a body board and moved me onto a regular hospital bed. I had oxygen tubes in my nose (placed there during surgery) and they moved me to the recovery room. It had space for four beds, but I was the only patient in there, so all of our family members could join us! It was nice getting to hang out with family. Hubby got to trim the umbilical cord with a scalpel (he says it cut much nicer than the scissors they usually give you do). I was out of it, I was sleepy and the nurses kept telling me to breath deeply because my oxygen levels were going down when I had shallower breaths. I tried, but kept falling asleep and then they'd come back and wake me up to tell me to breath deep again...I found it quite annoying and frustrating, but I understood it was necessary and they were simply doing their job. I don't think I realized it was part of the recovery process for me.
Eventually I passed whatever tests they were doing on me to be able to leave recovery and we waited for a room to come available. It surprised me how busy we were each day. It seemed like there was never time to enjoy even one movie without interruptions. Someone was always coming in... whether it was family visiting, the room service people bringing food, the assistants checking my vital signs, the nurses giving me medications or checking on my progress, or the doctors doing their rounds. I didn't mind it all, but it surprised me how little time we actually had to relax.
We stayed in the hospital a full 3 days. I almost went home a little early, but was nervous about being on my own, especially after I had fainted after a too-warm shower. Luckily, I had called my husband to help me when I started feeling light headed and he caught me before I fell. Then he pulled the "help" cord and I woke up surrounded by 4-5 nurses all helping me and talking to me. The alcohol swab they stuck under my nose helped the most. In addition to the requirements of having to be able to walk myself around, I had to be able to pass gas and pee on my own. Farting was easy, but I was surprised to find that it was difficult to relax my body to pee. The nurse explained that sometimes it was a protective response to prevent any pain, and while I didn't feel any pain, my body was anticipating it somehow. When I did finally pee, I filled that whole "hat" thing they put in the toilet to measure my output. They told me what a good job I did. I thought, well, you wait a full day to pee and see how much you output! I wasn't so impressed.
Our older kiddos got to come visit us once or twice each day and it was nice to get to see them, and a blessing to know they were having fun with other family members. The baby nursed well, and did a good job of passing all the sticky tar poops for his daddy to clean up! ;)
The worst part of the whole experience was when we were discharged. We had to go to the pharmacy to get my pain medications and it took over an hour and a half to get them. The line was terribly long and they only had one cashier. My husband was livid and I was miserable, just out of the hospital with a newborn. By the time we left, my pain meds from that morning had run out and I was needing to take more. I filed a complaint with the hospital for that. No surgery patient should ever have to deal with that issue. If you ever find yourself a surgery patient and need to get your pharmacy pain meds from the hospital after discharge...make sure your discharging nurse confirms with the pharmacy that the meds are completely ready for pick-up before you complete discharge paperwork. That way, if they are behind, you can stay in the comfy hospital bed with access to medications until yours are ready for you.
At home I went up the stairs one step at a time, two-footing each step. I sat carefully on the couch, but needed my hubby to help me get back up. My feet still struggled with the swelling several days afterwards, so I still needed to keep my feet up and wear my compression socks. The body binder I had purchased for my post partum care didn't fit, but thankfully the hospital gave me one after I requested it (while we were admitted), and I got to take it home with me. That helped the pain. Again, I was surprised, that most of my pain came from when I was in the car and my Jell-O belly jostled around. Wearing the belly binder helped "hold me in", and reduced that jostling pain. My husband had to care for me and do most everything else around the house for the first few days until I figured out how to get around. Once I figured out what I could manage, I took it easy and enjoyed the time at home with the baby and my hubby. Plus, my mommy came to help out too! Having her there was so nice!
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Delivery Options
The appointment to do the membrane sweep was a bust. The doctor did another quick ultrasound to check on measurements and the baby continues to grow, potentially already 9-10 pounds, still meeting the estimation of 10.5 pounds as guessed in our previous ultrasound.
The doctor was very concerned that a natural delivery would be too risky for the baby and potentially my own health. She was open about all the options, and the choice was up to us ultimately...but hearing the risks, we are going to stay safe and agreed to do a C-section rather than risk harm to myself or the baby. No membrane sweep, because baby still is developing through the 39th week and they prefer not to do a C-section before that timeframe unless I do go into labor on my own.
These were the possibilities the doctor gave us:
1. Ultrasounds are not perfect and can be up to 20% off in either direction -meaning that the baby could be a larger 8 pound baby up to 11 pounds at birth. If on the bigger size, that is where the risk comes in.
2. Baby could deliver naturally if on the smaller size, but from feeling him in my belly and the ultrasounds, the doctor doubts this possibility. Plus when she checked me, his head was in the pelvis, but she could push it in and out due to the high amount of fluid, he may not descend as needed to do a natural delivery.
3. If on the bigger side, baby could get stuck in the birth canal. That is where the risk comes in for shoulder dystocia. Meaning his head might deliver fine, but the shoulders and/or abdomen get stuck.
If that should happen, that is when the risks start adding up quickly. Once the head is delivered, the umbilical cord is compressed and they have about 2-minutes to get the baby out before oxygen deprivation begins.
a. They would then try moving the baby to get the shoulders out. If that doesn't work, they break one of the baby's collar bones risking a lung puncture, but hopefully allowing the baby to be delivered.
b. If that still doesn't work, they would break the second collarbone risking another lung puncture to try and deliver the baby.
c. If all else fails, they would then push the baby back in through the birth canal and into the uterus for an emergency C-section. The whole process could cause severe tearing for me, not even addressing the additional pain and suffering of myself and the baby.
Yes, I could opt to still attempt a natural birth in hopes that the ultrasound is incorrect. However, in the past five years, I have known 4 births that ended in the baby's death, as well as babies born with shoulder dystocia who needed physical therapy and other helps to recover from their difficult delivery. Our baby's survival and well-being is more important than whatever birth method delivers our baby. So a C-section it is...let the preparations begin.
The doctor was very concerned that a natural delivery would be too risky for the baby and potentially my own health. She was open about all the options, and the choice was up to us ultimately...but hearing the risks, we are going to stay safe and agreed to do a C-section rather than risk harm to myself or the baby. No membrane sweep, because baby still is developing through the 39th week and they prefer not to do a C-section before that timeframe unless I do go into labor on my own.
These were the possibilities the doctor gave us:
1. Ultrasounds are not perfect and can be up to 20% off in either direction -meaning that the baby could be a larger 8 pound baby up to 11 pounds at birth. If on the bigger size, that is where the risk comes in.
2. Baby could deliver naturally if on the smaller size, but from feeling him in my belly and the ultrasounds, the doctor doubts this possibility. Plus when she checked me, his head was in the pelvis, but she could push it in and out due to the high amount of fluid, he may not descend as needed to do a natural delivery.
3. If on the bigger side, baby could get stuck in the birth canal. That is where the risk comes in for shoulder dystocia. Meaning his head might deliver fine, but the shoulders and/or abdomen get stuck.
If that should happen, that is when the risks start adding up quickly. Once the head is delivered, the umbilical cord is compressed and they have about 2-minutes to get the baby out before oxygen deprivation begins.
a. They would then try moving the baby to get the shoulders out. If that doesn't work, they break one of the baby's collar bones risking a lung puncture, but hopefully allowing the baby to be delivered.
b. If that still doesn't work, they would break the second collarbone risking another lung puncture to try and deliver the baby.
c. If all else fails, they would then push the baby back in through the birth canal and into the uterus for an emergency C-section. The whole process could cause severe tearing for me, not even addressing the additional pain and suffering of myself and the baby.
Yes, I could opt to still attempt a natural birth in hopes that the ultrasound is incorrect. However, in the past five years, I have known 4 births that ended in the baby's death, as well as babies born with shoulder dystocia who needed physical therapy and other helps to recover from their difficult delivery. Our baby's survival and well-being is more important than whatever birth method delivers our baby. So a C-section it is...let the preparations begin.
Monday, July 25, 2016
Update
Grief over my former co-worker's death is still in process. I know she is in Heaven without a doubt and not being close to her, I don't really miss her...sorry if that sounds heartless, it wasn't intended that way. I hurt for her family. My thoughts are filled with what they must be going through. Especially her daughter, they were very close, and to be dealing with severe injuries and surgery without your mom must be awful. Life changes without warning sometimes.
In other news, I do not have gestational diabetes thankfully. That means they will allow me to attempt a natural birth, although I've been warned that a C-section could still happen depending on how labor progresses. I am scared of surgery mainly because I know it lengthens recovery time and I want so much to get back to my normal self and care for my family the way I would like to.
Being this enormously pregnant, I can't do much at all anymore. I spent most of this past weekend simply keeping my feet up and trying to avoid swelling too much. It really doesn't matter what I do, my feet are just fat. Even just sitting in a regular chair or on the couch, they will balloon up if I don't put them up. My compression socks help a little.
I tried to shave this morning. Ha! I even bought an electric razor, but I could barely reach all of my leg to get the job done. When I sit down, my belly literally is a finger width or two from touching the chair I am sitting on. Huge. Simply huge. Hopefully it is the last time I will need to shave before delivery!
Tomorrow at my OB appointment, the doctor is planning to do a sweep to separate the amniotic sac from the cervix. 50% of the time, it starts labor within 3-days. I sure hope so. I am more than ready to meet this little baby and move on with life again. It seems at a standstill just waiting.
In other news, I do not have gestational diabetes thankfully. That means they will allow me to attempt a natural birth, although I've been warned that a C-section could still happen depending on how labor progresses. I am scared of surgery mainly because I know it lengthens recovery time and I want so much to get back to my normal self and care for my family the way I would like to.
Being this enormously pregnant, I can't do much at all anymore. I spent most of this past weekend simply keeping my feet up and trying to avoid swelling too much. It really doesn't matter what I do, my feet are just fat. Even just sitting in a regular chair or on the couch, they will balloon up if I don't put them up. My compression socks help a little.
I tried to shave this morning. Ha! I even bought an electric razor, but I could barely reach all of my leg to get the job done. When I sit down, my belly literally is a finger width or two from touching the chair I am sitting on. Huge. Simply huge. Hopefully it is the last time I will need to shave before delivery!
Tomorrow at my OB appointment, the doctor is planning to do a sweep to separate the amniotic sac from the cervix. 50% of the time, it starts labor within 3-days. I sure hope so. I am more than ready to meet this little baby and move on with life again. It seems at a standstill just waiting.
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Death Unexpected
I just learned a former co-worker of mine passed away this weekend. We weren't close, but worked alongside each other over 10 years. She was a strong woman of God and a dedicated mother.
It's still surreal to believe she's gone. It was a bad car accident I understand, leaving her daughter still in the hospital facing some terrible injuries and her husband who is also injured, but released from the hospital. Her other two children were not with them from what I understand. They are young, but mostly grown children. I think it will take time to comprehend reality. She was young, at most in her early 50's.
It's still surreal to believe she's gone. It was a bad car accident I understand, leaving her daughter still in the hospital facing some terrible injuries and her husband who is also injured, but released from the hospital. Her other two children were not with them from what I understand. They are young, but mostly grown children. I think it will take time to comprehend reality. She was young, at most in her early 50's.
Friday, July 22, 2016
Compassion vs. Wisdom
Going through trials and struggles we learn so many lessons and gain so much wisdom. We learn how to cope. We learn not only to survive, but to thrive. The problem comes when we see someone going through a similar struggle, learning similar lessons in wisdom that we have already learned.
However, having that wisdom of how a person might best fix their problems isn't what helps that person. When someone is facing a struggle, they need your compassion and your love above whatever wisdom you may have to offer.
I remember a client I once had (parent of a child in my program) who found herself facing divorce and restraining orders due to an alcoholic/abusive husband. From my experience dealing with the threat of major life changes in my husband's cancer journey and also a close family member's experience with domestic violence, I was able to relate to this parent.
I shared with her the little tidbits of resources I could in the way of shelters, hotlines, and community support groups. I also assisted her as quickly and efficiently as possible when dealing with the complications of keeping her children safe at our school. Those things helped build a minor relationship connection, but the real connection came when I saw her in person one day and I asked her how she was doing. She didn't quite know how to answer...she'd done her part with lawyers, court orders, and protecting her children. The rest was simply a process to complete. And I was able to understand her struggle to explain and fill in the blank. She was simply "living through it" to the best of her ability. When I made that comment, a tear sparked in her eyes and she gave me a hug. Sometimes just knowing someone else can relate and understand where you are at is more important than all the wisdom in the world of how to make a complicated situation result in a good outcome.
Hurting people need our compassion more than our wisdom. As the saying goes, they don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. We must be the body of Christ first, giving and showing love before offering wisdom and advice. Sometimes we can share our wisdom. Other times, and we must listen to the Holy Spirit for guidance to know the difference, when they need us simply to love them through the journey and allow God to teach them those important lessons in their own time as they are facing their own personal journey through pain.
However, having that wisdom of how a person might best fix their problems isn't what helps that person. When someone is facing a struggle, they need your compassion and your love above whatever wisdom you may have to offer.
I remember a client I once had (parent of a child in my program) who found herself facing divorce and restraining orders due to an alcoholic/abusive husband. From my experience dealing with the threat of major life changes in my husband's cancer journey and also a close family member's experience with domestic violence, I was able to relate to this parent.
I shared with her the little tidbits of resources I could in the way of shelters, hotlines, and community support groups. I also assisted her as quickly and efficiently as possible when dealing with the complications of keeping her children safe at our school. Those things helped build a minor relationship connection, but the real connection came when I saw her in person one day and I asked her how she was doing. She didn't quite know how to answer...she'd done her part with lawyers, court orders, and protecting her children. The rest was simply a process to complete. And I was able to understand her struggle to explain and fill in the blank. She was simply "living through it" to the best of her ability. When I made that comment, a tear sparked in her eyes and she gave me a hug. Sometimes just knowing someone else can relate and understand where you are at is more important than all the wisdom in the world of how to make a complicated situation result in a good outcome.
Hurting people need our compassion more than our wisdom. As the saying goes, they don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. We must be the body of Christ first, giving and showing love before offering wisdom and advice. Sometimes we can share our wisdom. Other times, and we must listen to the Holy Spirit for guidance to know the difference, when they need us simply to love them through the journey and allow God to teach them those important lessons in their own time as they are facing their own personal journey through pain.
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