Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

We've been homeschooling nearly 5 years now.  I like to think I have it all together, and I have learned a lot in how to homeschool.  But today was the biggest bust of a day I've had in a long while.  And it was the first in a long time that I had very little influence in how it went.

Last week we had our first week-long break of the year.  I spent last night planning what I thought would be a smooth transition back into school.  We were going to do an easy science lab in the morning and a short history lesson in the afternoon.  Just two subjects.  Easy, right?

The day started out great.  We had a short study of what Rosh Hoshannah is and what Yom Kippur is.  My preschooler dressed himself and helped make his bed without complaint.  All good!

Then it fell apart.  Somehow, the easy lab resulted in huge stress and a terrible attitude from one of my kiddos, who very vocally and physically displayed her emotions concerning the horrible experience it was.  Not fun for me to deal with, but it was dealt with and we pushed through, I wasn't going to let a bad attitude get out of doing the work.

I let everyone have a short break before we started our history.  My preschooler refused to do any activities he was allowed to do on his own.  He wanted my attention and a playmate.  I got him settled and started our last chapter of our read aloud book for history.  Enter in 3-5 interruptions from him and his brother, so I put my littlest down for a nap and got my preschooler finally quieted.  We finished our chapter and the doorbell rings loudly.  Not once, but twice in a row.  Election years are the worst for solicitors!  

So, now we had a cranky baby after a too-short nap.  I realized that the history lesson that I had planned just wasn't going to happen, so I set my older kiddos up for a historical movie from the WW2 time frame (Sound of Music!), and tried to play with my littles.  Turns out, not only is my littlest tired, but he is teething with molars coming in.  Nothing we tried helped until I gave him and his brother a bath.  It was the first smiles I had seen from him since his failed nap.

Finally, it was time to start supper and I realize that the sink was full of dishes, and I had a chicken to clean.  No one's fault other than the dishwasher didn't release the soap the first time it was run, so we couldn't do lunch dishes like we normally do and then we forgot about them.  

It was the last straw for me.  I felt myself shutting down and called my hubby up and asked him for help (he had just finished work).  He took over with the kids and my girls helped do the dishes.  Then I told everyone I wasn't there and to talk to Daddy if they needed help.

Nothing I planned worked today.  Nothing I planned was necessarily poor planning, it was just one of those really bad, horrible, no good days.  Thankfully these kinds of days are few and far between.  Tomorrow is a new day, and God willing, it will go better.

School Chaos

This school year didn't get started off well, but we are finding our footing.  Last year we started slowly, doing one subject the first week and adding another subject each subsequent week until we had our full load up and running.  It worked great.  

This year, the pressure of wanting to do high school well got to me.  We tried doing it all and it was too much too fast.  Just plain overwhelming.

Too many new curriculums to learn and self-imposed perfectionism caused some tears and frustration for the kiddos.  So we took a step back and are taking things more slowly, but not quite as slowly as last year.

It's only been 3 days of school, but if today reflects future school days, I think this will be a good year. 

Our first theme for our "Together Time" is Worship.  We've been doing morning clean up together and as we work, we use YouTube playlists to worship.  It's been a wonderful start to our mornings!  It's a priority this year to try and place God at the center of our lives, to bring our mundane routines into His presence and live our lives with Him.

Covid Slump and a bit of Hope

We've been in a slump for our day to day life.  It's been too hot to go outside and easy to get lazy inside.  Quarantine has gotten long and lonely, especially for the kiddos.  They've done some video chats with their friends and youth group, but we are some of the few who are still quarantining strictly.  We've only visited with family members since this whole thing started back in March.

My hubby's job is pretty awesome.  They have been paying their employees despite missed hours due to Covid illness and they aren't taking their employee's PTO to do it.  They track how much they are paying this way and the numbers are increasing again.  Which means that the amount of pay being paid to employees with the Covid illness is increasing due to increased number of sick employees.

People in public seem to have forgotten Covid, or at least want to forget about it.  Our governor mandated masks for 30 days.  Prior to the mandate, masks were becoming less common.  Now people are wearing them again, but many not correctly and often haphazardly.

I see many posts about how masks are useful and others that state they are ineffective.  Now they have become an object of political unrest and controversy about whether or not we are being herded and controlled by those in power.

In all honesty, I don't know what to think about it all.  I wish it would go away.  I want to be able to take my kids to the park and on a vacation.  I want to be able to have play dates and field trips.

Some interesting news about Covid though....my hubby's arthritis doctor says that they have been studying how people on Humira and Enbrel react to Covid and the outlook is positive.  They have shown that due to their suppressed immune systems, they are not  getting as severe symptoms  because healthy people's immune systems have been attacking their own bodies with Covid.  Enbrel and Humira are both immuno-suppressants.

My hubby is on a different medication than those listed, but it gives a little bit of hope that if he does have to fight Covid, he may have a good chance of making it since Covid won't have a strong immune system to betray him with.  I don't know exactly how it all works, but a little hope is always nice.

Time to Reflect

Now that our baby is a year old, we've gotten him and his brother into a bedtime routine and I actually have my "work" nights to myself instead of sharing my time with my baby.  It gives me more time to think.  Life with an infant is so demanding, I'd forgotten what it was like to be able to let my mind just wander and follow the rabbit trails it finds.

Tonight I organized two boxes of school work (from the year we moved) into permanent portfolios for the kids.  It was neat to see all the activities and topics we covered that year before our fourth child was born.  I was a little amazed at all we accomplished.  Hopefully I feel the same way after filing away this past school year's work.

I've also had the time to ponder more on the cancer updates from my sister about my dad's health.  He is still going through the "what ifs" of possibilities until all the tests are complete and true answers are revealed.  What we know is that the cancer is there and when we find out all the details, then decisions will be made for moving forward.  Options have been discussed, and boy, do I remember the agony of the wait.

Discussing options, feelings, desires, and fears.  Not knowing for sure, hoping for the best and fearing my hopes will not be met.  I wish I lived closer to my family.  I want to go see them.  I'd love to bring all of my own "little" family.  But timing, COVID, and uncertainty about what my dad will be up for makes it hard to figure out.  So, as with so many things, we wait for answers so decisions can be discussed and made at that time.

Our world is also in utter chaos.  It seems so apparent that Christ's return is soon coming.  Cities are actually defunding their police departments.  My own state just passed a law with new rules and regulations...I'm not sure how good or bad the law is.  The devil is preying on our fears and our differing opinions and having a grand old time exploiting them.  I don't watch much news, but the news I do see is simply unbelievable. 

Moments are Precious

Life is...

busy.  messy.  chaotic.  ever-changing.

fun. challenging. stressful.  crazy.

wonderful. unique. a gift.

The day is winding down and night is beginning.  The house is opened up to allow the cool evening breeze flow through.  I hear the crickets and my daughters quiet chatter as they head to bed.  The noisy chaos of the daytime has lulled into a hushed stillness.  The boys are calm and sleeping.

My thoughts wander through the day's events.  Grocery shopping with my mask and hand sanitizer.  I miss making it an outing with my children.  Trying to balance playtime with my sons and still accomplishing some laundry.  I've been trying to prepare for moving our boys into the same room together as I work.  Cooking supper with a daughter as my sous chef.  My distracted brain resulted in a tasty dinner, but not the one I originally planned to make.  Enjoying a new movie with my girls for our weekly 'girls night'.

I look around and see a lone, empty hamper in the middle of my living room.  It is surrounded by haphazardly strewn about baby toys.  In one corner of the room is a pile of hangers, so quickly pulled down off a stool from where I had been working on folding laundry by my littlest.

Three kiddos was busy.  Four is distractedly so.  In part due to their ages, but I often wonder how I ever accomplish anything.  With all the busyness of the day, the important things cannot be seen, only remembered.

A soft touch from my hubby.  Smiles brought on by watching my youngest walk from one end of the kitchen to the other while shaking maracas in both hands.  He really had to use his balance carefully not to fall down!  Giggles and glee from my older son learning to wash his hair under the shower stream at bath time.  My younger daughter snuggling close during the movie and leaning in during a cliffhanger scene.  My oldest pondering life and asking which of her drawings I like best.  Text conversations with my family.  Life is made full with such things.  None of the tasks or accompishments I work towards fulfill life in the same way as time spent with those I love.

Cancer

May 13, 2020.  Wednesday.  The day I learned my father has cancer.

Here we are again.  Facing that dreaded word.  I was thankful he called to talk to me personally about it.  I wish I could have been more encouraging or comforting.  My practicality pushed aside my emotions and I took the news rather well, I think.

Our shared faith in the one, true God is a foundation of peace and comfort with news like this.  Even without fully realizing the ramifications of a cancer diagnosis, he and I both know and discussed that God's hand is in this and His will be done.

My thoughts swirl around.  I'm not buried in them, but they are there.  I return to the early posts of this blog when I went through cancer with my hubby.  I remember the emotions and the fears.  The hours of researching and the amount of energy and time my emotions and thoughts consumed.

I remember the lessons I learned through that experience.  I wish I had a book I could hand my parents and tell them, "This is everything you need to know and understand to make it through cancer."  But, alas, no such book exists and none ever will.  Each individual must learn their own lessons in their own way.  My experiences and lessons may comfort or encourage.  There may even be a light-bulb breakthrough here and there, but my parent's journey of faith by trial will be theirs.  A valuable, refining fire like no other.  They will emerge, hopefully with a stronger, deeper faith.

Christians vs Israelites

My bible reading as been in Ezra and Nehemiah lately.  Israel is slowly returning from Babylon to rebuild the walls around the city.  It occurred to me today that the culture, the way of life for Israelites was centered and founded on their faith and religious beliefs.

I've often pondered how Jewish people have kept their culture and their beliefs in the midst of being immersed in other cultures and societies as they have been scattered throughout the world away from their home.

As Christians, we are often able to relate to Israel's stubbornness and repeated failures in their walk with the Lord.  We have similar moments and mistakes as they did.

But the lightbulb hit this morning that everything they do, their cultural norms and expectations back then were very much built upon the foundations of their faith.  Sabbaths, traditions and rituals that they followed permeated their entire way of living.

How closely can we relate to them in that way?  How much of our lives have we built centered around worship and pleasing our Lord and Savior?  What precedent to we give to God in our everyday normal lives?

Definitely something to ponder and reflect upon.  I pray God impresses on your heart His desires for you and leads you closer to Him!