Tired struggle

Lately I have been tired.  I think my body is still figuring out how to cope with changing shifts at work.  I get up earlier, but I haven't adjusted my bedtime properly yet.  I've also been more physically sore...getting a little older and out of shape muscles mainly.

Spiritually I feel like I'm going through some sort of change, but it is hard to figure it out.  I recognized the normal oppression I get after a spiritual high -a few weeks ago was our staff in-service where God totally took it over.  It was so awesome and now I'm dealing with the slump afterwards.  I haven't figured out how to overcome it yet.  I want to be on fire in seeking the Lord, but it is a struggle to keep with my normal bible reading time and prayer time.  It almost feels as if there is a distance between me and God, even though I know that isn't a truth. Emotionally I have a lack of interest that I can't really explain and isn't based on anything I can put my finger on aside from simple spiritual attack.

Of course I am also writing at a time of the day when I'm more in tune to the melancholy side of myself, and not getting the rest I need is probably also a factor.  (I'm up late tonight because I snuggled with my kids at their bedtime and fell asleep too.) Another vacation would be nice.  Just to get away from the stresses of life.  Nothing particularly stressful is going on aside from the stresses of my job...but even those are ones that come with the job.

I still feel so inadequate as a leader.  I know God is using the fact that I am inexperienced to be able to work through me, but it isn't easy to try and figure out how to simply follow His will and let Him work.  Everyday there are things that come up that just boggle my mind.  People are my biggest stressors because that is the area I have always struggled with.  I seem to be doing a good job as far as the business clients, but my staff is a whole different issue.  I've been told that with any leadership change, there are problems that come up because the staff is learning where they fit in and what new boundaries are out there.  We've had plenty of struggles with assumptions, selfishness and laziness, and bad attitudes.  Through all of these little struggles, I am being stretched in my personality.  It seems all of the areas that my personality is weak are the areas that I am having to navigate.  It is hard to know the proper way to respond because they need to be held accountable and also corrected in a godly manner, and yet loved at the same time.  It sounds similar to having children, but it really isn't.  I know kids.  Adults -that's a whole other story!