In Sickness and In Health

When you say that part of your vows in the wedding ceremony, you mean them.  But you aren't expecting them to test you.  I remember thinking, of course, I will love my husband no matter what.  Whether he gets sick in his old age, or in his younger years, I'll always love and take care of him.

What about when they get sick and it doesn't fully heal?  I doubt many of us think that we will end up with a spouse who suddenly loses their health...forever.

Early on in our marriage, my husband injured his back.  It did permanent damage.  He has always dealt with back pain and that interfered occasionally in our life together, but didn't seem like anything we couldn't handle. 

Then later in our marriage as you know, he survived cancer.  Cancer combined with his back injury has been a challenge.  It is like he has a physical disability, but it varies in severity.  I've been in denial about this for quite sometime.  I think both of us were.

Sometimes he seems perfectly healthy, able to do housework indoors and outdoors.  Other times he is confined to the heating pad and an ergonomically correct chair to get through the muscle spasms, not to mention the swelling of his hands and feet.  The fatigue that comes with the side effects of his cancer also effects our daily lives.  Some days he seems to have a lot of energy.  Other days he is too exhausted to cook (and he's the chef in our home), and just rests in the recliner.  Our children watch a lot of TV and play video games with us because it is one of the best ways he can spend time with them and not suffer physical pain for it.

I used to get angry when he wasn't able to do much.  I felt like I was carrying the brunt of the burden of managing our home and caring for our children.  I would get an attitude, silently accusing him of not properly caring for himself to be the best for our family.  Over the past several months, maybe even the past year, God has been showing me that I was being selfish.  It isn't that he intentionally doesn't do things.  He can't do things sometimes and I'm learning that it is my joy to serve him in doing those things. 

We have learned to be more honest with each other about goals and expectations.  He's learned to be more open and honest with me about his pain and struggles.  We both have learned to change our personal expectations of how our home is managed.  We are two imperfect people serving a perfect God and finding our way as a couple in the midst of the challenges we face.