My hopeful excitement for the week quickly began failing by the third day. Things I have not dealt with before hit again and I wasn't able to keep my glorious plans, let alone accomplish all that needed to be done in a given day. I had lost my joy in the job. I had no interest in continuing to deal with struggle after struggle. I felt so inadequate.
I decided to see what God's will might be for me. I put out a "fleece" to test what doors were open to me. I applied for a part time teaching job. It was in a church just like my current job, right next to my children's school and the hours I would be working were absolutely perfect. They allowed me time to drop my kids off at school and some time for myself before having to pick them up from school.
The very next day, I was called to schedule an interview. I was excited to imagine being able to leave work at work. I was thrilled to be able to be WITH my children and still be involved in my chosen career field. My excitement lasted all day. The next day, the more I prayed about it and thought about it, while I had nothing concrete to change the great things, I felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me "this isn't it" "this isn't where you are meant to be".
I didn't like God telling me no. I tried to push it aside telling Him, "but you haven't even let me try it yet! I don't even know if the pay would be enough or not and you are already telling me no?"
So, I went to the interview, knowing I would learn from the experience and hoping I was hearing God wrong. The interview was awesome! The director loved my qualifications and my personality. She seemed ready to hire me and the pay offered was higher than I had guessed it might be.
And then, God revealed why He had told me no. She asked me what I would bring to the table, what my special skills were. I shared how I have grown so comfortable with sharing the love of God, I speak of the Lord in behavior management, I bring faith into everything I do. She stopped me, and very professionally explained to me that while it was a school supported by the church and a very "Christian" atmosphere, they did not talk about God or Jesus.
I was floored. She continued to explain that it was a very "Christian" environment where all of the teachers and families were kind and loving with "Christian" values, but that religion had no part in their school. On tours, she tells her clients that they will not see a bible, a story book or pictures of God, Jesus, or any other "religious" teaching. My heart sank. The perfect job was not.
We finished the interview and she asked me to think about all we had discussed and she'd contact me the following week to see if I was wanting the position. She was going to consider where she felt I might fit best in her program after speaking to another interviewee (there was two positions available).
All the way home I tried to consider if I could teach children and not teach them about my Lord and Savior. I still wanted the freedom from responsibility and it was so enticing to think of being able to be there for my children. The more I weighed it in my mind, the more I couldn't see myself leaving God out of my career.
The door, while open, was not one for me to walk through. I learned that God really has a calling on my life and I truly have a passion for sharing the gospel with children. The following day, He gave me hope and a renewed fervor for the job I do.
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