Finding Myself

Sometimes we get caught up in surviving life, that we forget to live it.

Recently I've been pulling back from life's obligations and the pressures of trying to do everything just right. 

I reached a place where I couldn't do it anymore and I felt like I was failing.  Overwhelmed with responsibility, in part due to life  circumstances and also in large part to the internal obligations I put on myself trying to be the best mom, wife, homemaker, and employer I could be.  I was burning out fast.  I had to take a break.  So this is what I did:

*Tried to maintain a balance, I didn't just fly off the deep end and withdraw from all my responsibilities, but I definitely scaled back big time.
*I pushed back the mental obligations and seek out God's direction.

1. I re-discovered myself by taking time for me.  I sought out ways that helped me relax, and things that brought a sense of fulfillment. I bought myself a new book to read, I watched the television series that captivated my imagination and interests.  I deleted a good majority of apps on my phone.  I didn't spend near as much time wasted on Facebook.

2. I took time out to read my bible when it worked for me.  I read a passage when I stopped to change out of my work clothes and into my comfy clothes.  I would jot down a few thoughts or questions for God in my journal instead of filling time by playing a meaningless game on my phone or computer.

3.  I considered which things were actually worth my time?  Housework, of course, but I sought out a more effective time and way of doing it that fulfills me instead of draining me.  I considered what level of "mess" I was willing to live in, and worked from there.  I want a relationship with my children, that requires time and effort.  I had to think about how I wanted to go about building that relationship.

4.  I contemplated which parts of my life were most important to me?  How did I want them to be, and what kind of time/effort would that require I put into it?  Was I willing to make the effort?  I was burned out being mom and homemaker, but that didn't mean that I didn't want to be mom and homemaker anymore.  I needed to find what parts of those roles were important to me and what efforts I needed to change to meet my priorities.  I'm also learning that I need to make changes in how I fulfill my job duties at work so I am not drained at home.

It's been very freeing and allowed me to discover a renewed sense of who I am and how I fit into the world I live in with the family God has given me.

My husband and I have had some great heart-to-heart discussions about our goals, our future, and what realistic limits and dreams we have.  All of our dreams include the phrase, "let's work towards this, and see what doors God opens..."