Employed Again!

It's been a nerve-wracking week.  I turned down the first position I was offered.  It was farther from home than I wanted to work, but the money and hours would have been enough. 

The second job offer I also turned down in order to wait for answers on my last and final interview.  It was close to home and offered the highest wage, but for some reason it just didn't feel right.  It was very scary to turn down all job offers without having another offer on the table, but both my husband and I felt it was what God wanted us to do.  So we stepped out in faith, waiting to see what God would do.

I interviewed twice in 4 days.  They offered me a position other than what I interviewed for at a rate that was just too low.  I countered back asking them to consider the rate my hubby and I felt was needed for our family, and after an agonizing day of waiting for an answer, they met my asking rate! 

The job I have accepted, just this morning, is a little closer to home than my last position.  What is so awesome, is that the hours are perfect!  I will be able to pick my children up from school and we'll avoid most childcare costs since my husband is changing his work hours to be able to drop them off at school.  They won't have to change schools this year either.  Such a blessing!

I don't know when I start yet, I haven't signed a contract yet.  Praise the Lord, He has led me through and provided for me and my family! 

My new position is an Infant Nursery Supervisor - I will lead two classrooms of infants, working closely with the other teachers and the parents of the babies.  It isn't a role I thought I would be in, but I'm very excited about it!

Transitions are a Challenge!

It's been less than a week since I decided to look for a new job.  Instead of giving my 30-day notice on Monday, I was let go and given three days to wrap up my job duties.  The positive is that they did give me severance pay stating that it was simply due to a difference in business philosophy between both parties.  I can live with that even though it hurt so much that day.

I've had two interviews, one job offer that I'm considering, and another interview tomorrow. The bummer deal is that I think our kiddos will have to go to public school for the first time in their lives.  All the charter schools I've contacted in our area have waiting lists or are no longer taking applications for the year.

Even though this is a very scary time for me, I was so comfortable and attached to my job that I probably wouldn't have left very easily without this turn of events.  God's removed any control I might have had in the situation and forced me to rely on Him again.  It's nice...in a very uncomfortable sort of way.  :0)

Another positive is that throughout this week when I've had so much discouragement, many people around me are supporting me.  The good relationships I have with others in my field are coming out of the woodwork and reminding me that I'm not a complete failure, and it is a good time for a change.

Thank you for your prayers, I need them!

Moving forward

I am half excited and half terrified to be moving forward in my life.  Recent events with my job have made it very clear that I've reached the end of a chapter.  I am actively looking for a new job, still in my career field of early childhood education.

It is exciting because there is always a bit of adventure that comes with new things.  It is terrifying because  the unknown is scary.  There are many variables that have to fit perfectly.  New salary, new location, paying for before/after school for the kids, will we need to change schools for our children?  So many things I cannot control, what happens is entirely up to God as He leads.

I've been busy applying for all sorts of jobs from admin work to teacher to nanny.  I've even considered leaving my career field, but am waiting to see how the interviews I have this week pan out.

In other news I have one more PT appointment this week and we'll decide then whether or not to continue with the appointments.  My pain levels are decreasing and I've learned many new exercises.  I still rely on muscle relaxers at night, but with them I can stay mostly pain free during the daytimes.  It has been a slow process, but I'm encouraged with the improvement I've had.

Patience vs. Determination

I have often been praised for having patience in situations.  It is more than mere patience.  It is a stubborn determination to battle past a the obstacles...to get past that seemingly solid wall and break through.  In my line of work this often means getting past a child's fear or pride to break through to the vulnerable child on the inside who longs to be loved and understood. 

Many times in my career I have used this stubborn so-called patience to help a child succeed. 

• A four-year-old at nap time who shows early signs of ADHD can't lay still to sleep.  Constant and consistent relaxing touches from head to toe for 30 minutes did the trick and over repeated efforts, helped this child get the rest he needed.
• An eight-year-old who'd been abused and ran away repeatedly intentionally trying to be kicked out.  After hours on end spent with him hiding under a chair in my office, he learned summer camp was a safe place to be.  A place with boundaries and rules he could trust to be there.  This progress allowed him to have a positive experience with other children, other adults, and let his mother attend school to support her children after escaping from their abuser.
• A three-year-old who had been unwittingly taught to use tantrums to meet her wants and needs learned more appropriate ways to express herself and began to accept authority without the tantrums.

Reaching adults is not so simple...they are not children.  They are not stuck with me and I can't lovingly outlast them. They can run away.  Their walls are not so easy to understand and their lies are harder to see.  Their attacks reach a much deeper personal level than a child's feeble attempts.

Physical Therapy

Hello!  The last few weeks have been super busy!  School ended for the kids and summer camp chaos has begun.  I started physical therapy and after two sessions have learned much more about my injury and what things I can do to help my body heal.

Basically, in a bad accident the body is violently thrown/jerked/etc.  The muscles clench in an effort to stabilize the body and protect it.  When clenched muscles are still violently jerked around, it causes injury and aggravates the muscles.  Failure to treat these muscles carefully can result in the muscles learning how to incorrectly behave in response to your body's movements.  Thus, causing additional pain and potential complications.

My therapist recommended not lifting more than 5 pounds for a while if possible.  Resting periodically throughout the day (lying down so my muscles don't have to hold up that weight called my head!), and very gently moving my head in ways that don't hurt my muscles to help the muscles learn to appropriately respond to my body movements.  Basically, anything that causes my muscles to increase in pain or tighten needs to be avoided right now.  A very light massage helps to increase blood flow to the muscles and reduces the pain.  The "tens" instrument (pads that emit electric pulse through the muscle) feels really good when it is on the right setting. 

I am doing a little better.  The hardest part is making time in my busy day to just rest and lay down.  The second hardest is making sure I sleep in a good position.  The other night my little one had a bad cold and couldn't sleep in her bed and after a bad dream didn't want to sleep by herself, so we snuggled on the couch...that hurt, but she needed me most.  :)  We're looking at purchasing a special roll so I can copy some of the exercises at home that I did in PT.

A snapshot of this moment

It's been a while since I've blogged.  My blogs have been sporadic and haltingly composed.  Needless to say, I'm going through something on a deeply personal level.  Rather than opening my bleeding heart to the world, I have treasured the silence and mourned the lack of relationship.  This blog allows me to share my heart, but it doesn't develop relationship.  I would say it hinders relationship.

Anywho...I felt like writing for the first time in a while and I'll probably ramble.  I've been in a place where I have been uncertain of how I feel about God.  I can't say that I am mad at Him, although I haven't been very willing to listen for Him either.  I have a frustration somewhere deep and I've been emotionally hurt recently in a way that makes me unwilling to openly trust Him either -even though my head tells me that's a copout.  I grow weary of the struggle spiritually.  Whatever this season might be, or even its purpose -I can't define it right now.  I'm just living through it.  Waiting on God, acknowledging my faults and whatever is going on is how I'm coping.

Physically I am in pain constantly with my neck/shoulders/back.  Physical therapy starts this coming week.  Dealing with the pain is something I can handle even though I find it exasperating.  Resting and not using my muscles is hard to maintain.  I will get to a place where I can last 7 hours without needing pain medications before everything starts stiffening up, but if I begin to use my muscles at all...it takes all that "progress" backwards.  I have a high-level of pain tolerance, especially muscle pain...I gave birth completely naturally twice...it never "hurt" to a point of wanting to give up.  It was just exhausting to accomplish.  I don't want to unwittingly down-play the reality of the injury to doctors.  I just want to know what is going on, and the how's and why's that go with it.  Since this is my first experience with this type of health problem in my own body, I want to understand it.  I hope that the therapist will be able to teach me.

Accident Update

My car is officially a "Total Loss"...I guess between all the birthdays in our family this month we get to shop for a car!  I've been wanting a new car, but never imagined this would be the event to trigger accomplishing it!

Medically, the side effects of the pain reliever was worse than the pain relief so I'm restricted to Tylenol for now.  It temporarily takes the edge off the pain, but doesn't do what the other meds did.  It hurt simply to hold a 5-month old infant in my arms today at work.  Thankfully, much of my job is office work and doesn't require too much lifting.  I can't tell you how frustrating it is not to be able to do the things I used to do so easily.  Instead of clearing out a closet full of bins, I had to wait for the assistance of others.  It isn't what I'm used to and is a real adjustment to realize what I can and can't do right now.

We're still waiting for the insurance companies to work out the liabilities and medical claim portions.  It will probably be another week or so before we hear for sure what the end result will be.  Insurance is nice, but never simple.  Always complicated!