Surgery has just been scheduled and now the planning and preparations truly get underway. My emotions are very unstable right now and I don't know quite why. My guess is concern over my children during this time and of course for my husband's recovery. It is expected to be a grueling process for him from the research I have done.
Sometimes when I take a step back and look through this blog and my life's recent events I can't believe that I am the one in the middle of this chaos. I don't know how I am making it through other than the grace of God. Now that I know I've got another surgery to get my family through, I am recognizing the unconscious stress. I sleep a more shallow sleep...no dreams that I remember, but vague thoughts and the word surgery with images of the surgeon and my husband's faces. I awake for no apparent reason and in the morning I feel as though I could sleep another few hours. I will probably go and take a break after this to just spend some time away from life and rest in the arms of God.
It's ironic. A few months ago my life was good from the outside and I was only dealing with my own struggles. Now my world is tossed upside-down and I barely even recognize the old worries I used to have. They seem stupid and so ridiculous compared to what my family is going through right now. Finances and future planning seems to be just a passing thought fluttering by in the wind somewhere out there...I only focus on those I love and what they need. I've been told to take time for me, but I feel better when I know my husband and my children are stable and comfortable. I don't have any desires for myself right now...I just want everything to work out okay and have my family whole again.
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