Today I'm praying for many things. What are some things you are praying for?
I'm praying that my decisions will align with God's will.
I'm praying that my words and actions will not stem from a negative attitude, but a honest and humble heart.
I'm praying that I will do better in putting God first.
I'm praying for God's direction in my life.
I'm praying for balance and peace.
I'm praying for God to do His work in those around me as He works in me.
Maybe some of your heart's cries are similar to mine.
Father God,
I ask you today to surround your precious child with your love and peace. Humble our hearts and reveal yourself to us. I pray for protection as we face the trials of this world and battle our flesh. Forgive us of our failures, enable us to be one in you.
In Jesus Name, Amen
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Finding Myself
Sometimes we get caught up in surviving life, that we forget to live it.
Recently I've been pulling back from life's obligations and the pressures of trying to do everything just right.
I reached a place where I couldn't do it anymore and I felt like I was failing. Overwhelmed with responsibility, in part due to life circumstances and also in large part to the internal obligations I put on myself trying to be the best mom, wife, homemaker, and employer I could be. I was burning out fast. I had to take a break. So this is what I did:
*Tried to maintain a balance, I didn't just fly off the deep end and withdraw from all my responsibilities, but I definitely scaled back big time.
*I pushed back the mental obligations and seek out God's direction.
1. I re-discovered myself by taking time for me. I sought out ways that helped me relax, and things that brought a sense of fulfillment. I bought myself a new book to read, I watched the television series that captivated my imagination and interests. I deleted a good majority of apps on my phone. I didn't spend near as much time wasted on Facebook.
2. I took time out to read my bible when it worked for me. I read a passage when I stopped to change out of my work clothes and into my comfy clothes. I would jot down a few thoughts or questions for God in my journal instead of filling time by playing a meaningless game on my phone or computer.
3. I considered which things were actually worth my time? Housework, of course, but I sought out a more effective time and way of doing it that fulfills me instead of draining me. I considered what level of "mess" I was willing to live in, and worked from there. I want a relationship with my children, that requires time and effort. I had to think about how I wanted to go about building that relationship.
4. I contemplated which parts of my life were most important to me? How did I want them to be, and what kind of time/effort would that require I put into it? Was I willing to make the effort? I was burned out being mom and homemaker, but that didn't mean that I didn't want to be mom and homemaker anymore. I needed to find what parts of those roles were important to me and what efforts I needed to change to meet my priorities. I'm also learning that I need to make changes in how I fulfill my job duties at work so I am not drained at home.
It's been very freeing and allowed me to discover a renewed sense of who I am and how I fit into the world I live in with the family God has given me.
My husband and I have had some great heart-to-heart discussions about our goals, our future, and what realistic limits and dreams we have. All of our dreams include the phrase, "let's work towards this, and see what doors God opens..."
Recently I've been pulling back from life's obligations and the pressures of trying to do everything just right.
I reached a place where I couldn't do it anymore and I felt like I was failing. Overwhelmed with responsibility, in part due to life circumstances and also in large part to the internal obligations I put on myself trying to be the best mom, wife, homemaker, and employer I could be. I was burning out fast. I had to take a break. So this is what I did:
*Tried to maintain a balance, I didn't just fly off the deep end and withdraw from all my responsibilities, but I definitely scaled back big time.
*I pushed back the mental obligations and seek out God's direction.
1. I re-discovered myself by taking time for me. I sought out ways that helped me relax, and things that brought a sense of fulfillment. I bought myself a new book to read, I watched the television series that captivated my imagination and interests. I deleted a good majority of apps on my phone. I didn't spend near as much time wasted on Facebook.
2. I took time out to read my bible when it worked for me. I read a passage when I stopped to change out of my work clothes and into my comfy clothes. I would jot down a few thoughts or questions for God in my journal instead of filling time by playing a meaningless game on my phone or computer.
3. I considered which things were actually worth my time? Housework, of course, but I sought out a more effective time and way of doing it that fulfills me instead of draining me. I considered what level of "mess" I was willing to live in, and worked from there. I want a relationship with my children, that requires time and effort. I had to think about how I wanted to go about building that relationship.
4. I contemplated which parts of my life were most important to me? How did I want them to be, and what kind of time/effort would that require I put into it? Was I willing to make the effort? I was burned out being mom and homemaker, but that didn't mean that I didn't want to be mom and homemaker anymore. I needed to find what parts of those roles were important to me and what efforts I needed to change to meet my priorities. I'm also learning that I need to make changes in how I fulfill my job duties at work so I am not drained at home.
It's been very freeing and allowed me to discover a renewed sense of who I am and how I fit into the world I live in with the family God has given me.
My husband and I have had some great heart-to-heart discussions about our goals, our future, and what realistic limits and dreams we have. All of our dreams include the phrase, "let's work towards this, and see what doors God opens..."
Friday, October 17, 2014
Taking a Step Back
Sometimes it is good to take a step back. To let go and leave it be for a bit.
That's kind of where I am with this blog. I'm tired of the psycho-analyzing and the mental games I put myself through. This journey in my faith has many ups and downs. Christianity is easy, but not simple. I'm taking time to be me. To find what I enjoy. To try and get my priorities on track.
I don't know what that means for this blog. It may mean I let it go for a while. Maybe I'll go in a new direction. I'm not sure. I'm not interested in exploring what makes me operate, I am who I am, faults and all. God seems to have me in a really special place where I am. He's using me how I am. I'm learning new things all the time and I am growing. I'm content to just 'be' right now.
I started this blog to figure out how to live in faith during the biggest trial of my life. I learned along the way, but I've also discovered that no matter how you tell someone a lesson you yourself have learned...they have to learn it themselves in their own way. At least that's how it works for me. I can follow advice, but until I learn it in my own experiences, it never hits home.
That's kind of where I am with this blog. I'm tired of the psycho-analyzing and the mental games I put myself through. This journey in my faith has many ups and downs. Christianity is easy, but not simple. I'm taking time to be me. To find what I enjoy. To try and get my priorities on track.
I don't know what that means for this blog. It may mean I let it go for a while. Maybe I'll go in a new direction. I'm not sure. I'm not interested in exploring what makes me operate, I am who I am, faults and all. God seems to have me in a really special place where I am. He's using me how I am. I'm learning new things all the time and I am growing. I'm content to just 'be' right now.
I started this blog to figure out how to live in faith during the biggest trial of my life. I learned along the way, but I've also discovered that no matter how you tell someone a lesson you yourself have learned...they have to learn it themselves in their own way. At least that's how it works for me. I can follow advice, but until I learn it in my own experiences, it never hits home.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
The Important Things
Discouragement is an effective tool. At least against me anyway.
Losing hope is no fun. Finding it again is better.
I had my priorities all mixed up.
My Life's Priorities:
God
Husband
Children
Me
Home
Church
...and then work, way down at the bottom!
My job is simply a job. The means to an end. The means to enabling me to be home with my family more than any other job I might take on. I spent a lot of time searching out options. Ultimately, I could get another job that would even pay similar wages without the responsibilities I bear now. But the exchange would be less time at home with my family, something I'm not willing to give up.
Recognizing what my priorities are helped to change my perspective and while I'm still muddling through, I'm not as lost.
Losing hope is no fun. Finding it again is better.
I had my priorities all mixed up.
My Life's Priorities:
God
Husband
Children
Me
Home
Church
...and then work, way down at the bottom!
My job is simply a job. The means to an end. The means to enabling me to be home with my family more than any other job I might take on. I spent a lot of time searching out options. Ultimately, I could get another job that would even pay similar wages without the responsibilities I bear now. But the exchange would be less time at home with my family, something I'm not willing to give up.
Recognizing what my priorities are helped to change my perspective and while I'm still muddling through, I'm not as lost.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Confusing
Self-discovery is the name of the game. I'm not sure I still agree with my previous assessment of myself. Hmmm...reading that sentence is ironic and makes me laugh. Trying to analyze my life and my faith journey may not be the best thing to be doing -only God truly knows what is actually going on.
I'm ready for a change in my life. I don't know what that change is, but I am ready to move forward and not be stuck in this endless roller coaster. I am not a person who gets angry, but I did. I'm not a person who speaks from emotion because I know my emotions can be deceptive. Somehow I have gotten to this place where I don't even recognize myself in my own behavior.
The question remains -and only time will tell- what change is going to happen and when?
I'm ready for a change in my life. I don't know what that change is, but I am ready to move forward and not be stuck in this endless roller coaster. I am not a person who gets angry, but I did. I'm not a person who speaks from emotion because I know my emotions can be deceptive. Somehow I have gotten to this place where I don't even recognize myself in my own behavior.
The question remains -and only time will tell- what change is going to happen and when?
Saturday, August 30, 2014
The HEART of the Matter
As I have repented and mulled over my outburst of anger I am learning about myself and discovering more of who I am versus who I portray myself as. James chapter 3 speaks of controlling the tongue and the difference between worldly wisdom and godly wisdom.
My typical behavior often portrays godly wisdom traits. Selfish ambition and bitter envy are not things I recognize in myself, but I think they are subtly in my personality in their own ways. Often the person I portray myself to be has very selfish or bitter thoughts. I just don't express them outwardly. Realizing this means that yes, I can be passive-aggressive. More than that, I'm understanding more of what it means when the bible says that God looks at the heart. Even if I'm behaving in a godly manner, God knows my heart and my true attitude about a situation. I want my heart attitude to match my behavior, and I don't want it to be in a selfish or bitter way!
My typical behavior often portrays godly wisdom traits. Selfish ambition and bitter envy are not things I recognize in myself, but I think they are subtly in my personality in their own ways. Often the person I portray myself to be has very selfish or bitter thoughts. I just don't express them outwardly. Realizing this means that yes, I can be passive-aggressive. More than that, I'm understanding more of what it means when the bible says that God looks at the heart. Even if I'm behaving in a godly manner, God knows my heart and my true attitude about a situation. I want my heart attitude to match my behavior, and I don't want it to be in a selfish or bitter way!
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Anger
Anger got the best of me. Circumstances pushed all the right buttons and I am learning I am capable of some very strong anger.
I have always avoided conflict; flown under the radar; stayed in the safe-zone. My job has put me front and center. The person I've always presented myself as, is changing. I am not sure how I feel about it.
In my job there are few policies. Decisions are simply made and rules have always been treated as guidelines. I have spent the past two years putting policies into place and enforcing rules...not to be rigid and controlling, but to bring into place accountability and consistency. I watched my predecessor say yes to one employee and then no to another simply based on the emotion of the day rather than having a policy that outlined a consistent answer for all employees.
My new boundaries were tested. A couple people have gone to my supervisor rather than to me and I got angry. Very angry. So angry that I expressed it to them. I have lost my cool with an adult for the first time in my life and I have damaged a previously good working relationship. We talked it through and can work professionally, but the relationship that was once there is no more. There was no admission of wrong doing on either side, so the silent agreement to disagree and move on is what is left.
I dislike this feeling. I dislike that the relationship was damaged. I could apologize, but only for allowing my anger to come out in my words. I am not sorry for what was said, just how I said it. If I would have waited to respond it could have been said in a less aggressive way.
I have always avoided conflict; flown under the radar; stayed in the safe-zone. My job has put me front and center. The person I've always presented myself as, is changing. I am not sure how I feel about it.
In my job there are few policies. Decisions are simply made and rules have always been treated as guidelines. I have spent the past two years putting policies into place and enforcing rules...not to be rigid and controlling, but to bring into place accountability and consistency. I watched my predecessor say yes to one employee and then no to another simply based on the emotion of the day rather than having a policy that outlined a consistent answer for all employees.
My new boundaries were tested. A couple people have gone to my supervisor rather than to me and I got angry. Very angry. So angry that I expressed it to them. I have lost my cool with an adult for the first time in my life and I have damaged a previously good working relationship. We talked it through and can work professionally, but the relationship that was once there is no more. There was no admission of wrong doing on either side, so the silent agreement to disagree and move on is what is left.
I dislike this feeling. I dislike that the relationship was damaged. I could apologize, but only for allowing my anger to come out in my words. I am not sorry for what was said, just how I said it. If I would have waited to respond it could have been said in a less aggressive way.
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