Well, I think I've attained the goal of being able to wait on the Lord. Now, if I could only be patient and stay content in my circumstances. Have you ever just wished for a change, but God says "no", or at the very least, "not yet"? I've been there lately and it is so hard! The good news is I am not stressing over how to make change happen. The bad news is that I have struggled to be happy and content with where I am.
I keep reminding myself that "whatever I do, do it as unto the Lord" and also to count my blessings because I can't deny that God has blessed me in many ways. My husband has a t-shirt that says, "Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional." Well, I have made a choice work on growing up spiritually, but I sure wish it came more naturally and without so much struggle! God must have a never-ending supply of patience. I know that I must test it on a regular basis in my struggle between flesh and spirituality!
As a side note, our 3-month follow up and first chest x-ray since chemo is coming up soon. I'm not really stressed over it, I have some questions and mostly I'm just interested to learn more of what the doctor has to say about the healing process and progressing from chemo to being healthy again. I did have a nagging fear in the back of my mind for a while and I asked a few people for prayer. I am feeling much more at peace again. I don't think I will ever forget what it feels like to live through cancer. I've been trying to write about our experiences...it is hard to relive those moments. I pray that we never have to face them in real life again.
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