Waiting on the Lord is such a different way of life to me. I am used to stressing about all the decisions for my tomorrow's and worrying over whether or not I made the right choices that day. Basically, analyzing and second-guessing everything.
Now, I am trusting God for my tomorrow's. I am realizing that second-guessing myself only hurts me. It's okay to review my day and note choices that I could have done better and note specific ways I could do better next time, but it isn't okay for me to stress over the unknown possibilities or results of some choices. It has been said and done, for better or worse that day. There is only repentance, forgiveness and learning. Not giving into condemning myself for mere possible negative results.
I'm finding that being in this place of resting in the Lord has opened me up to new attacks on my peace in God. I am now facing discouragement and self-doubt in ways I never had before. I have more insecurities than I ever imagined. I am vulnerable because I am refusing to take control from God. Vulnerability allows the Lord to reach me when I read his word and look for him in my situations. I notice so much more the involvement he has in my life. I also notice more all my defects. Reminding myself of the promises of God and how he thinks of me is so important now. I need that reassurance and to remember his perspective because mine is flawed. It is what gets me past the attacks of insecurity and doubt and focuses me on the Lord.
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
They that wait...
As I have been striving to simply wait on the Lord in my life, I am beginning to realize that this is not a short-term situation. Waiting on the Lord is a life-long place of rest, contentment, and peace. It is where I can completely let go of all my worries and cares about what tomorrow may bring. All I need to do is strive to be faithful in seeking the Lord and obeying him each moment of the day.
Yes, it is much easier said than done! A year ago I would not have understood this concept. It is difficult to describe, but I am trying my best to do so! I used to spend my free time thinking, planning, worrying, and stressing about what choices I should or should not make to ensure the best future for my family. Will I ever be a stay-at-home mom? Should I go back to school? How should my hubby and I spend our money when we get our taxes back? Will I ever have another child or am I done? And the list could fill another several pages of all the things I worried about on a regular basis.
Waiting on the Lord means that I believe with everything I have that He already has my best interest at heart. He has already prepared the path set before me. He grants me wisdom and discernment to make good choices in each day. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail miserably. He is faithful to forgive me and teach me. I don't have to stress about the what if's and possibilities. All I need to pay attention to is what lies directly in front of me at each moment. There are many choices, and it isn't easy, but letting go of the stress and learning how to avoid the habits that lead me to stressing about those things is a journey I am on.
Yes, it is much easier said than done! A year ago I would not have understood this concept. It is difficult to describe, but I am trying my best to do so! I used to spend my free time thinking, planning, worrying, and stressing about what choices I should or should not make to ensure the best future for my family. Will I ever be a stay-at-home mom? Should I go back to school? How should my hubby and I spend our money when we get our taxes back? Will I ever have another child or am I done? And the list could fill another several pages of all the things I worried about on a regular basis.
Waiting on the Lord means that I believe with everything I have that He already has my best interest at heart. He has already prepared the path set before me. He grants me wisdom and discernment to make good choices in each day. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail miserably. He is faithful to forgive me and teach me. I don't have to stress about the what if's and possibilities. All I need to pay attention to is what lies directly in front of me at each moment. There are many choices, and it isn't easy, but letting go of the stress and learning how to avoid the habits that lead me to stressing about those things is a journey I am on.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Trusting God
I have noticed a strange phenomenon recently of people getting offended with the encouragement to "trust God". It isn't a cliche, although sometimes it is used that way.
They seem to think that to trust in the Lord means they are not allowed to feel. The two ideas don't mix. God created emotions. It is healthy to fear, have concerns, hurt, etc. In the beginning of this cancer journey, before I chose to fully trust God, I experienced all those emotions. They consumed me and I was unable to function as a wife, as a mother, and especially at work. That's not God's plan for anyone.
After I decided to trust God, to believe that His promises were true that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28), I was able to function. He filled me with a peace that didn't make sense. The only way to explain it is that it was a supernatural peace. I had no logical reason to have any peace, but it was there.
Did I still fear? Yes.
Was I still concerned? Yes.
Did I still hurt? Yes.
Did I still cry? Yes.
The change was that those things did not consume me. By the grace of God I was able to be the wife my husband needed. I was able to be the mother my children needed. I was able to be productive at work. Yes, there were times that I lost sight of my trust in God and it became overwhelming again. But all I had to do was look back at what He had already done, what He promised in His Word, trust Him once more and He would fill me with that perfect, unexplainable peace. He has repeatedly done this for me, and He is waiting to do the same for you.
They seem to think that to trust in the Lord means they are not allowed to feel. The two ideas don't mix. God created emotions. It is healthy to fear, have concerns, hurt, etc. In the beginning of this cancer journey, before I chose to fully trust God, I experienced all those emotions. They consumed me and I was unable to function as a wife, as a mother, and especially at work. That's not God's plan for anyone.
After I decided to trust God, to believe that His promises were true that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28), I was able to function. He filled me with a peace that didn't make sense. The only way to explain it is that it was a supernatural peace. I had no logical reason to have any peace, but it was there.
Did I still fear? Yes.
Was I still concerned? Yes.
Did I still hurt? Yes.
Did I still cry? Yes.
The change was that those things did not consume me. By the grace of God I was able to be the wife my husband needed. I was able to be the mother my children needed. I was able to be productive at work. Yes, there were times that I lost sight of my trust in God and it became overwhelming again. But all I had to do was look back at what He had already done, what He promised in His Word, trust Him once more and He would fill me with that perfect, unexplainable peace. He has repeatedly done this for me, and He is waiting to do the same for you.
Monday, October 3, 2011
A new calling?
I've had a bit of a struggle with the Lord since learning the cancer had returned. I didn't stop trusting Him, but I was hurt. I didn't understand why it was back. Hadn't I learned and grown enough for one year? The "why" question bugged me a lot more than last time around. I tried to let it go, but I felt distant from God. I couldn't see what He was doing. I still can't.
Today was Day 8 of chemo after a nice 2 day break. I was blessed to be able to spend time with my hubby during chemo treatments and had to return to work afterwards. On the way in I was listening to a Christian radio station. An advertisement for a new Christian book was on and it was about how sometimes God places a calling on your life that you never asked for and don't want. I thought it was interesting and casually thought about how it could apply to my life. Then in my email box, the daily devotion I received was also about accepting God's calling on your life even when it isn't what you wanted.
I don't know exactly what God may be calling me to...but all I can think of at this moment in time is either something work related, or possibly His answer to my "why". Perhaps through this time of cancer, I am to minister to my husband. To be the rock for him spiritually. I don't know exactly how, but it gives me a Peace to my "why" struggle and a hope in my Lord that He does indeed know what He is doing.
I ask you to join me as I pray for guidance, protection, and wisdom to know what God's will for my family is, and what His will for my behavior/words will be each moment. Thank you!
Today was Day 8 of chemo after a nice 2 day break. I was blessed to be able to spend time with my hubby during chemo treatments and had to return to work afterwards. On the way in I was listening to a Christian radio station. An advertisement for a new Christian book was on and it was about how sometimes God places a calling on your life that you never asked for and don't want. I thought it was interesting and casually thought about how it could apply to my life. Then in my email box, the daily devotion I received was also about accepting God's calling on your life even when it isn't what you wanted.
I don't know exactly what God may be calling me to...but all I can think of at this moment in time is either something work related, or possibly His answer to my "why". Perhaps through this time of cancer, I am to minister to my husband. To be the rock for him spiritually. I don't know exactly how, but it gives me a Peace to my "why" struggle and a hope in my Lord that He does indeed know what He is doing.
I ask you to join me as I pray for guidance, protection, and wisdom to know what God's will for my family is, and what His will for my behavior/words will be each moment. Thank you!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Peaceful Patience
The one constant in life is change. It is the only thing I know I can expect. I never know when or how, but it is inevitable.
My workplace is going through change. My viewpoint isn't one you'd expect, and I'm intrigued by my calmness. I know it is the faith that God is growing in my life. I have learned to trust Him fully in my life and now that new faith is being perfected through these new challenges of change. From a worldly perspective, it would be the perfect time to run away and seek something more stable and secure. But I keep on keeping on. I trust in my Lord. He will provide no matter what outcome lands in my lap. He has me where I am for a purpose. Whether that purpose is to grow me personally, or to aid in growth He desires for another one of His precious children. I believe it is for both purposes.
No, I am not always this confident or calm. I have my moments of emotional meltdowns and my wonderful hubby bears these times out with me, even though I know it can be hard for him. I have times of self-doubt and second guessing. I have times of fear and worries of the what if's. But as I go through more of those times, I see a new perspective and I am learning how Satan manipulates my weak moments to try and create chaos in my mind. I am learning how to avoid him, to turn away and seek the Lord instead of allowing those things to overwhelm me. Keeping my eyes on my Lord and not on the waves, so to speak.
My workplace is going through change. My viewpoint isn't one you'd expect, and I'm intrigued by my calmness. I know it is the faith that God is growing in my life. I have learned to trust Him fully in my life and now that new faith is being perfected through these new challenges of change. From a worldly perspective, it would be the perfect time to run away and seek something more stable and secure. But I keep on keeping on. I trust in my Lord. He will provide no matter what outcome lands in my lap. He has me where I am for a purpose. Whether that purpose is to grow me personally, or to aid in growth He desires for another one of His precious children. I believe it is for both purposes.
No, I am not always this confident or calm. I have my moments of emotional meltdowns and my wonderful hubby bears these times out with me, even though I know it can be hard for him. I have times of self-doubt and second guessing. I have times of fear and worries of the what if's. But as I go through more of those times, I see a new perspective and I am learning how Satan manipulates my weak moments to try and create chaos in my mind. I am learning how to avoid him, to turn away and seek the Lord instead of allowing those things to overwhelm me. Keeping my eyes on my Lord and not on the waves, so to speak.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Mental Break
What a Monday it has been! My entire morning at work has been dominated by others and surprise tasks. As soon as I had a moment, I took the time to give myself a mental break. I truly needed it and I needed to get into the Word. When life is overwhelming, you must take care of yourself or you lose yourself. That is what I have experienced in the past.
I've missed a couple days of my bible reading. I spent one night just praying instead of reading and I really enjoyed that. Time with God doesn't always have to be dictated by a "should". Feeling obligated and responding to God out of obligation doesn't seem to draw us closer to Him. Unfortunately, my bible got mistakenly misplaced while playing with my children and I missed a day of bible time for that reason and I found I missed my time reading when I wasn't able to read.
I opened my bible to one of my many place markers and found Luke 20:17-40. I found many good tidbits in there, and just seeking God and His peace pushed that sense of mental chaos into submission. It's amazing how just a few moments seeking him can change my whole outlook on my day.
Verse 18, Jesus is speaking about the cornerstone (himself): "Whoever falls on that stone will be broken; but on whomever it falls, it will grind him to powder." We must be broken in order to let go of ourselves and trust in our God and Savior.
Verses 26 and 39, 40 shows the scribes response to Jesus' answers when they tried to test him and catch him. "v.26 They marveled at his answer and kept silent" "v.39-40 They said, 'Teacher, you have spoken well.' But after that they dared not question him anymore."
Jeremiah 29:13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
I've missed a couple days of my bible reading. I spent one night just praying instead of reading and I really enjoyed that. Time with God doesn't always have to be dictated by a "should". Feeling obligated and responding to God out of obligation doesn't seem to draw us closer to Him. Unfortunately, my bible got mistakenly misplaced while playing with my children and I missed a day of bible time for that reason and I found I missed my time reading when I wasn't able to read.
I opened my bible to one of my many place markers and found Luke 20:17-40. I found many good tidbits in there, and just seeking God and His peace pushed that sense of mental chaos into submission. It's amazing how just a few moments seeking him can change my whole outlook on my day.
Verse 18, Jesus is speaking about the cornerstone (himself): "Whoever falls on that stone will be broken; but on whomever it falls, it will grind him to powder." We must be broken in order to let go of ourselves and trust in our God and Savior.
Verses 26 and 39, 40 shows the scribes response to Jesus' answers when they tried to test him and catch him. "v.26 They marveled at his answer and kept silent" "v.39-40 They said, 'Teacher, you have spoken well.' But after that they dared not question him anymore."
Jeremiah 29:13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
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