Trusting God

I have noticed a strange phenomenon recently of people getting offended with the encouragement to "trust God".  It isn't a cliche, although sometimes it is used that way.

They seem to think that to trust in the Lord means they are not allowed to feel.  The two ideas don't mix.  God created emotions.  It is healthy to fear, have concerns, hurt, etc.  In the beginning of this cancer journey, before I chose to fully trust God, I experienced all those emotions.  They consumed me and I was unable to function as a wife, as a mother, and especially at work.  That's not God's plan for anyone.

After I decided to trust God, to believe that His promises were true that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28), I was able to function.  He filled me with a peace that didn't make sense.  The only way to explain it is that it was a supernatural peace.  I had no logical reason to have any peace, but it was there.

Did I still fear?  Yes.
Was I still concerned?  Yes.
Did I still hurt?  Yes.
Did I still cry?  Yes.

The change was that those things did not consume me.  By the grace of God I was able to be the wife my husband needed.  I was able to be the mother my children needed.  I was able to be productive at work.  Yes, there were times that I lost sight of my trust in God and it became overwhelming again.  But all I had to do was look back at what He had already done, what He promised in His Word, trust Him once more and He would fill me with that perfect, unexplainable peace.  He has repeatedly done this for me, and He is waiting to do the same for you.

Living Faith

Living through the drama of cancer is like nothing I've ever experienced.  Even though it creates complications to daily life and stress levels rise easier than they used to, it is still living life.  You don't stop living.  Life goes on.  It becomes a question of whether you are going to participate and make the best of your situation.  Because what you decide to do, how you decide to act and cope makes the difference between falling to devastation and rising above the drama.

My husband had to learn to live with an array of awful symptoms that are part of his daily life.  For the past month and a half he has had to learn new limitations physically and emotionally.  Our children have had to learn to think of their Daddy's needs before their own, and have also had to deal with times when Daddy wasn't able to be 'there' and Mommy wasn't 'there' either, or had little patience.  Thankfully, many of these things are temporary.  We have grown so much, learned new things.  It has been a bumpy road and only Faith in Christ has carried us through as well as we have gotten through.  That is what this blog is all about.  Living faith in a real experience, being real with what it looks like to live your faith in the hardest times. 

Today the doctor's office called us to say that there would be no more chemo for this part of the journey.  Part of me is thrilled.  Part of me is hesitant to be thankful.  Because of the negative effect chemo had on his lungs, 3 treatments of one drug were cancelled.  That increases the risk of recurrence...something I can't bear to imagine.  I'm amazed to have survived this much and being done with chemo early is nearly too good to be true.  Is God answering prayers and healing my husband more quickly than we had anticipated?  My fear is that we're being set up for another blow.  I don't know if I could handle that. 

But...in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of sound mind."  Who am I to fear what God has granted?  I will rejoice.  Psalm 63:6-8, "When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.  My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me." and Psalm 16:8-9, "I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices, my flesh will also rest in hope."

Triumph through Tragedy

David Wilkerson (recently passed on) sent out sermons.  In a meeting today, we read one.  It was about the Demonic Flood of Fear and how Christians who "triumph through tragedy" all experience 3 things:

1.  A choice: To trust in God or to remain in worry and fear.
2.  An Eclipse of Faith: a moment in their tragedy where they are in a cloud of darkness and don't hear from God.  It is in this cloud that they must rely on faith and their knowledge of God's promises and still believe.
3.  Acting Faith: Faith is a command and God responds to those who exercise it.

In my blogs, I hope you can recall my journey in this.  Because each of those steps is so utterly true and necessary.  When my husband got cancer, I chose to trust in God.  I knew that I had to or my fears would consume me and I would be useless to my husband and children in this trial.  I had many dark moments where I wondered where God was and what the point of it all was.  But I had His first answer for me "For such a time as this" and also the knowledge that God is love and His ways are not my ways.  I didn't always feel God's peace, but I believed.  I turned to Him for every need...not always immediately, but when I did, He always answered.