Living through the drama of cancer is like nothing I've ever experienced. Even though it creates complications to daily life and stress levels rise easier than they used to, it is still living life. You don't stop living. Life goes on. It becomes a question of whether you are going to participate and make the best of your situation. Because what you decide to do, how you decide to act and cope makes the difference between falling to devastation and rising above the drama.
My husband had to learn to live with an array of awful symptoms that are part of his daily life. For the past month and a half he has had to learn new limitations physically and emotionally. Our children have had to learn to think of their Daddy's needs before their own, and have also had to deal with times when Daddy wasn't able to be 'there' and Mommy wasn't 'there' either, or had little patience. Thankfully, many of these things are temporary. We have grown so much, learned new things. It has been a bumpy road and only Faith in Christ has carried us through as well as we have gotten through. That is what this blog is all about. Living faith in a real experience, being real with what it looks like to live your faith in the hardest times.
Today the doctor's office called us to say that there would be no more chemo for this part of the journey. Part of me is thrilled. Part of me is hesitant to be thankful. Because of the negative effect chemo had on his lungs, 3 treatments of one drug were cancelled. That increases the risk of recurrence...something I can't bear to imagine. I'm amazed to have survived this much and being done with chemo early is nearly too good to be true. Is God answering prayers and healing my husband more quickly than we had anticipated? My fear is that we're being set up for another blow. I don't know if I could handle that.
But...in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of sound mind." Who am I to fear what God has granted? I will rejoice. Psalm 63:6-8, "When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice. My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me." and Psalm 16:8-9, "I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices, my flesh will also rest in hope."
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Monday, November 14, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Not by strength, nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord.
This past week has been such a struggle. It was the first week of our 2nd round of chemo. Five days of treatment in a row. It affected him the first day this time and symptoms were worse than last time. He wasn't feeling well at all the last part of the week. I started getting overwhelmed mentally with responsibilities and with little time for myself or quality time with my husband. He was just too sick. He needed more, the children needed more, I needed more and I had no more to give.
God has been working on me through this process. He is teaching me to let go of all these things that dominate my mind...the should's and why-can't-I's and this-needs-that-needs...and so on. I am learning to accept help on all fronts. That I cannot do this on my own...even with depending on my relationship with the Lord. I need the body of Christ to lift me up too. I need to accept the help and support others offer, even when it is hard for me.
He reminded me to go to church...I hadn't gone since chemo started. He used conversations with others to remind me to find solace in His Word. I'd been reading Job (and understanding it better this time) and had started Jeremiah, but He drew me to verses that would encourage me and remind me of Him.
Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given."
The positive side of things is that we are over 1/3 of the way done with treatment! We have received a lot of support and have many who love us and are praying for us. I thank each and everyone of you for all you are doing!
God has been working on me through this process. He is teaching me to let go of all these things that dominate my mind...the should's and why-can't-I's and this-needs-that-needs...and so on. I am learning to accept help on all fronts. That I cannot do this on my own...even with depending on my relationship with the Lord. I need the body of Christ to lift me up too. I need to accept the help and support others offer, even when it is hard for me.
He reminded me to go to church...I hadn't gone since chemo started. He used conversations with others to remind me to find solace in His Word. I'd been reading Job (and understanding it better this time) and had started Jeremiah, but He drew me to verses that would encourage me and remind me of Him.
Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given."
The positive side of things is that we are over 1/3 of the way done with treatment! We have received a lot of support and have many who love us and are praying for us. I thank each and everyone of you for all you are doing!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Peaceful Patience
The one constant in life is change. It is the only thing I know I can expect. I never know when or how, but it is inevitable.
My workplace is going through change. My viewpoint isn't one you'd expect, and I'm intrigued by my calmness. I know it is the faith that God is growing in my life. I have learned to trust Him fully in my life and now that new faith is being perfected through these new challenges of change. From a worldly perspective, it would be the perfect time to run away and seek something more stable and secure. But I keep on keeping on. I trust in my Lord. He will provide no matter what outcome lands in my lap. He has me where I am for a purpose. Whether that purpose is to grow me personally, or to aid in growth He desires for another one of His precious children. I believe it is for both purposes.
No, I am not always this confident or calm. I have my moments of emotional meltdowns and my wonderful hubby bears these times out with me, even though I know it can be hard for him. I have times of self-doubt and second guessing. I have times of fear and worries of the what if's. But as I go through more of those times, I see a new perspective and I am learning how Satan manipulates my weak moments to try and create chaos in my mind. I am learning how to avoid him, to turn away and seek the Lord instead of allowing those things to overwhelm me. Keeping my eyes on my Lord and not on the waves, so to speak.
My workplace is going through change. My viewpoint isn't one you'd expect, and I'm intrigued by my calmness. I know it is the faith that God is growing in my life. I have learned to trust Him fully in my life and now that new faith is being perfected through these new challenges of change. From a worldly perspective, it would be the perfect time to run away and seek something more stable and secure. But I keep on keeping on. I trust in my Lord. He will provide no matter what outcome lands in my lap. He has me where I am for a purpose. Whether that purpose is to grow me personally, or to aid in growth He desires for another one of His precious children. I believe it is for both purposes.
No, I am not always this confident or calm. I have my moments of emotional meltdowns and my wonderful hubby bears these times out with me, even though I know it can be hard for him. I have times of self-doubt and second guessing. I have times of fear and worries of the what if's. But as I go through more of those times, I see a new perspective and I am learning how Satan manipulates my weak moments to try and create chaos in my mind. I am learning how to avoid him, to turn away and seek the Lord instead of allowing those things to overwhelm me. Keeping my eyes on my Lord and not on the waves, so to speak.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Faint light at the end of the tunnel...
Praise the Lord. He is so good. He let me see a glimpse of hope today and not just in one area of my life, but in two! I can see how He is orchestrating the environment of the events in my life and the lives of others for the better. Not just to save us from our struggles, but that we will be able to help others who are in similar situations.
For instance, my husband worked in a cancer center for 5 years and stayed with the same company after moving to a different department. He completed his BA degree and for over a year could not find a job in his chosen field. Because he was still with the same company when he was diagnosed with cancer, he had full benefits and supplemental income benefits to help during his surgeries and time away from work. Many bosses would not have had the patience to wait for him (being gone longer than FMLA provides for), but his particular boss is a cancer survivor and not only has supported him professionally, but also personally as no other employer would have done. God provided for my husband all the way and continues to do so. In our new non-physical struggles God is also providing and guiding us. He's providing help and the willingness to look into getting help. It amazes me and I am so grateful.
With the other instance of hope, God is showing me through the lives of godly women around me, just how present He is in our lives. I am witnessing the struggles of other women and seeing the hope God has given them and the power we have to support each other and be the hands and feet of Christ. It is so awesome.
For instance, my husband worked in a cancer center for 5 years and stayed with the same company after moving to a different department. He completed his BA degree and for over a year could not find a job in his chosen field. Because he was still with the same company when he was diagnosed with cancer, he had full benefits and supplemental income benefits to help during his surgeries and time away from work. Many bosses would not have had the patience to wait for him (being gone longer than FMLA provides for), but his particular boss is a cancer survivor and not only has supported him professionally, but also personally as no other employer would have done. God provided for my husband all the way and continues to do so. In our new non-physical struggles God is also providing and guiding us. He's providing help and the willingness to look into getting help. It amazes me and I am so grateful.
With the other instance of hope, God is showing me through the lives of godly women around me, just how present He is in our lives. I am witnessing the struggles of other women and seeing the hope God has given them and the power we have to support each other and be the hands and feet of Christ. It is so awesome.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Growing Weary
I am now seeing the truth behind the advice of "remember to take time for yourself". As this hospital stay continues on, I grow weary. I literally spend every waking moment serving others. Here is a generalization of a typical day as of late:
* Get myself and the children ready for the day.
* Drop the children off at school (occasionally with a hospital visit first).
* Spend the day at the hospital caring for my husband, sleeping when he sleeps.
* Pick up the children from school and return to the hospital so they can visit their daddy.
* Work in supper somewhere between school and the hospital.
* Take the children home and prepare for bed.
* Put the children to bed, do minor necessary housework.
* Spend a few moments with God and it's off to bed for another day.
We are developing a routine, the children and I. My husband's health is slowly improving. It may still be a couple days before he can come home. It has already been several days longer than I first expected it to be. I feel the weariness in my physical body. Spiritually, I have ups and downs depending on the time I spend in tune to the Lord. I am reminded of Isaiah 40. As I read through, these are the verses that touch my heart. They encourage my soul and they comfort me. I need only to rest in His loving arms.
11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
* Get myself and the children ready for the day.
* Drop the children off at school (occasionally with a hospital visit first).
* Spend the day at the hospital caring for my husband, sleeping when he sleeps.
* Pick up the children from school and return to the hospital so they can visit their daddy.
* Work in supper somewhere between school and the hospital.
* Take the children home and prepare for bed.
* Put the children to bed, do minor necessary housework.
* Spend a few moments with God and it's off to bed for another day.
We are developing a routine, the children and I. My husband's health is slowly improving. It may still be a couple days before he can come home. It has already been several days longer than I first expected it to be. I feel the weariness in my physical body. Spiritually, I have ups and downs depending on the time I spend in tune to the Lord. I am reminded of Isaiah 40. As I read through, these are the verses that touch my heart. They encourage my soul and they comfort me. I need only to rest in His loving arms.
11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)