A friend of mine who has beaten cancer now faces another life-threatening illness. Her blogs continue to amaze me. In her I see the spiritual and physical frailty of human life made glorious in Christ Jesus. Her ability to share her hurts, her pain and struggle is a wonderful portrait of how the Lord blesses us and carries us through. My heart hurts for her and I wish more than anything I could be there to comfort and assure her, but as distance separates us, I will pray...
Now isn't that just like us? We don't want to let God do the healing, we want to be an active participant in God's work. Me just praying isn't the last thing I could do...it is the best thing anyone can do, even if you live with the person you are praying for! That is one theme of my life I pray the Lord will help me to overcome someday. I do not do things better on my own...I've had many experiences where if I wanted something to happen, it was up to me to make it happen...but that isn't how it should be with God. He is the only one who can do this perfectly in the best way -not only for the person who needs prayer, but for everyone touched by their life.
Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Trusting God
I have noticed a strange phenomenon recently of people getting offended with the encouragement to "trust God". It isn't a cliche, although sometimes it is used that way.
They seem to think that to trust in the Lord means they are not allowed to feel. The two ideas don't mix. God created emotions. It is healthy to fear, have concerns, hurt, etc. In the beginning of this cancer journey, before I chose to fully trust God, I experienced all those emotions. They consumed me and I was unable to function as a wife, as a mother, and especially at work. That's not God's plan for anyone.
After I decided to trust God, to believe that His promises were true that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28), I was able to function. He filled me with a peace that didn't make sense. The only way to explain it is that it was a supernatural peace. I had no logical reason to have any peace, but it was there.
Did I still fear? Yes.
Was I still concerned? Yes.
Did I still hurt? Yes.
Did I still cry? Yes.
The change was that those things did not consume me. By the grace of God I was able to be the wife my husband needed. I was able to be the mother my children needed. I was able to be productive at work. Yes, there were times that I lost sight of my trust in God and it became overwhelming again. But all I had to do was look back at what He had already done, what He promised in His Word, trust Him once more and He would fill me with that perfect, unexplainable peace. He has repeatedly done this for me, and He is waiting to do the same for you.
They seem to think that to trust in the Lord means they are not allowed to feel. The two ideas don't mix. God created emotions. It is healthy to fear, have concerns, hurt, etc. In the beginning of this cancer journey, before I chose to fully trust God, I experienced all those emotions. They consumed me and I was unable to function as a wife, as a mother, and especially at work. That's not God's plan for anyone.
After I decided to trust God, to believe that His promises were true that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28), I was able to function. He filled me with a peace that didn't make sense. The only way to explain it is that it was a supernatural peace. I had no logical reason to have any peace, but it was there.
Did I still fear? Yes.
Was I still concerned? Yes.
Did I still hurt? Yes.
Did I still cry? Yes.
The change was that those things did not consume me. By the grace of God I was able to be the wife my husband needed. I was able to be the mother my children needed. I was able to be productive at work. Yes, there were times that I lost sight of my trust in God and it became overwhelming again. But all I had to do was look back at what He had already done, what He promised in His Word, trust Him once more and He would fill me with that perfect, unexplainable peace. He has repeatedly done this for me, and He is waiting to do the same for you.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
The Struggle Begins
Day 4 of Chemo: Fatigue, Digestion Issues, Nausea
My husband's health deteriorates more and more each day. It hurts to watch him change. I feel like I'm losing my husband, the man I know him to be is disappearing...he'll return, but it'll be a long while. He is weak and tired. He can't participate in our family routine of putting our children to bed and other routines of life at home. They are missing their daddy and I hurt for them too. The part of the journey I've been dreading is here...being the single parent, the caregiver-spouse who is on her own. I have a lot of help and a huge crowd of believers praying for me and my family. I have my Lord and the blessing of His Word to read. It still hurts. I'm still sad. Not all the time, but right now, at night when I'm alone is when I feel it the most. I am strong in Christ, but I don't always feel strong.
Yesterday he was tired, but I had the afternoon with him while the children were still at school and we had a good chunk of quality time just hanging out and watching Voyager (yup, we're Trekkie's!). I so enjoyed yesterday! Today I worked the whole day through and brought the children home after school got out. I was tired from a full day and he was already beginning to crash for the evening. We had a simple supper camped out in the living room, not the normal dinner experience, but at least together. I want to create new routines centered around our family being together as much as possible. I want them to still have their daddy as a part of their daily routines, even though our routines are changing. The balancing act is a challenge.
As I think over all of this, I have a choice to make in my heart. I can wallow in the 'depths of despair' and beat myself up with misplaced 'mommy guilt' and loneliness or I can look to see what God has in this place right now. I'm going to spend some time in prayer. I need to draw close to my Lord and Saviour and find my sustenance and joy in Him. If there is one thing I know for sure...I cannot do this on my own.
My husband's health deteriorates more and more each day. It hurts to watch him change. I feel like I'm losing my husband, the man I know him to be is disappearing...he'll return, but it'll be a long while. He is weak and tired. He can't participate in our family routine of putting our children to bed and other routines of life at home. They are missing their daddy and I hurt for them too. The part of the journey I've been dreading is here...being the single parent, the caregiver-spouse who is on her own. I have a lot of help and a huge crowd of believers praying for me and my family. I have my Lord and the blessing of His Word to read. It still hurts. I'm still sad. Not all the time, but right now, at night when I'm alone is when I feel it the most. I am strong in Christ, but I don't always feel strong.
Yesterday he was tired, but I had the afternoon with him while the children were still at school and we had a good chunk of quality time just hanging out and watching Voyager (yup, we're Trekkie's!). I so enjoyed yesterday! Today I worked the whole day through and brought the children home after school got out. I was tired from a full day and he was already beginning to crash for the evening. We had a simple supper camped out in the living room, not the normal dinner experience, but at least together. I want to create new routines centered around our family being together as much as possible. I want them to still have their daddy as a part of their daily routines, even though our routines are changing. The balancing act is a challenge.
As I think over all of this, I have a choice to make in my heart. I can wallow in the 'depths of despair' and beat myself up with misplaced 'mommy guilt' and loneliness or I can look to see what God has in this place right now. I'm going to spend some time in prayer. I need to draw close to my Lord and Saviour and find my sustenance and joy in Him. If there is one thing I know for sure...I cannot do this on my own.
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