Saturday, February 23, 2013

Reflecting on Cancer

My hubby's port removal went very well.  It is mostly healed now and he is relieved to have the weight of caring for his port removed.  Having it gone is changing my perspective.  It helps me take a little step away from the mental stress of cancer.  I can now hug my husband without feeling the pressure of the port on my cheek.  Now I only feel the comfort and strength of his arms.  It's the little things, always the little things that make the difference.

With the new year I have to learn a new way of speaking about our experience with cancer.  It's no longer last year, it is now "two years ago..."  Another small thing, but the more often I say those words, the easier it is to imagine myself saying, "three years ago, four years ago..."  Is it truly possible that one day cancer will be just a distant memory of the past? Lord willing, I hope so!

Unfortunately cancer isn't far away.  My friend is again facing a possible recurrance and waiting on her test results.  Two managers I know are praying for someone close to them: one has an employee who is facing potential breast cancer and another has a loved one with an inoperable tumor.  Having gone through it, I have a better sensitivity and compassion for those who are living with this word in their daily lives.  God is definitely using the lessons he taught me to be an encouragement for others and it also seems to help me remain humble because I know just how quickly life can change.  There is no cocky illusion that somehow I am protected from pain or sickness.  I am much more grateful for the blessings God has given me.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

New Surgery

Tomorrow my hubby has an extremely minor surgery to remove the port that has been his support throughout the many blood draws, infusions, and IV medications.  It is so minor that his surgeon is going to do it in clinic.  This is really good news in the perspective of how well remission has gone since chemo.

Moving past the time for concern in the medical world of recurring cancer is pretty neat, if not a little surreal.  This week marks the two year anniversary that the lump was found that started our journey.  It's a little hard to fathom that it has been that long.  Sometimes it still feels like yesterday.  I can remember so much of the emotions of that year, many of them still a little raw below the surface.  It is still hard for my husband to talk about his perspective of living with cancer.

I'm glad for the news that the doctor's think we won't need the port anymore.  Yet as I write this I hesitate to be happy about it.  I still worry about troubles with doing the blood work in the future, and I don't know if I will ever fully trust that the cancer is gone for good.  I trust it is gone for now.  I wonder if other cancer survivors feel the same way.