Dear Lord, Here I am...before you weak and with nothing to offer but myself. Overwhelmed and weary, all I am is yours to mold and move as only you know is best. Refresh and restore my soul. Teach me how to rest in you, how to wait on you. You are all my hope clings to and I give it all to you. All of me. All I am. In Jesus Name, Amen
I don't understand this place I am in...I'm not scared. I am not anxious. I am simply so greatly overwhelmed that my mind cannot even attempt to try to find answers. I can't even begin to analyze why or how I got to this place. I've never been here before in all I've lived through. I am not even attempting to try and figure it out because it just hurts to think. I know God is working in this. He is working in me. Perhaps I am learning to rely more on Him than on myself. That's a doozy of a lesson! Whatever His plan for me is, I am willing.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Another 3am Posting... :(
I am really struggling. The past 2 weeks have had a series of events that have put me so far behind and I feel so overwhelmed. I can't sleep because varying thoughts concerning everything weighing on me keep repeating like a broken record. I have prayed about it, but I feel so disjointed I have to write to even think straight.
Computer problems at work combined with missing work due to a sick child and then getting sick myself has put me over the edge of what I feel I can handle at this moment in time. I'd appreciate your prayers...there's no quick solution and I need sleep. A vacation would only put me farther behind at work. I know I could catch up if I could only have a break from all these odd complicating situations.
Lord, surround me with your peace and enable me to find rest in you. I know this too shall pass... I give you my stress, my worries and my health and my family's health. I trust you and I need your touch right now. Thank you for loving me always and knowing exactly what I need. You are bringing me straight to you. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Computer problems at work combined with missing work due to a sick child and then getting sick myself has put me over the edge of what I feel I can handle at this moment in time. I'd appreciate your prayers...there's no quick solution and I need sleep. A vacation would only put me farther behind at work. I know I could catch up if I could only have a break from all these odd complicating situations.
Lord, surround me with your peace and enable me to find rest in you. I know this too shall pass... I give you my stress, my worries and my health and my family's health. I trust you and I need your touch right now. Thank you for loving me always and knowing exactly what I need. You are bringing me straight to you. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
3:00am too late to be writing?
My mind is busy assaulting me. My daughter's favorite cartoon show song is replaying in my head continually...even as I was sleeping!
I think my mind is cluttered. I've been doing a 15 day challenge half-heartedly about Decluttering Life. I don't know if it is adding more clutter or helping the clutter in my brain. I don't know if organizing everything in my brain is where my focus needs to be right now. I want to focus more on letting go and giving God control. My quiet times have been going through a change. Now that my hubby is getting back to his normal self, I'm not alone as often. We'll stay up late together and I'll be too tired to spend time with God, or I'll shorten my time so we can turn the light off and get to bed. In the mornings I've been hitting the snooze more often than not and I've missed some important times. I truly miss having those moments with God. As life is changing, I need that time of refreshing and I need to find the best way to make it work for me. And, to stop hitting the snooze so many times! I have faith that He will lead me to make better choices.
On the plus side, God is using me again. He sent someone to me at the end of my work day who just needed a listening ear and a nudge in the right direction. She was looking for the answer to solve the chaos in her life and I couldn't provide that. There isn't a "tide-to-go" easy fix for life's problems. It is something we must bring before God and seek His will for. He promises to provide and to lead us. He will show you and teach you as you spend time seeking Him in prayer and in His word.
It felt so awesome to be able to share the verses that God has given me over this past year and hope that they will also touch someone else's life. I don't have all the answers. God is my only answer. We are each on our own journey with Him and we each have specific life circumstances and situations that require Heavenly guidance to navigate.
One thing God had me share is that when we pray, He wants specifics. He wants to hear your heart's desire. And that heart's desire doesn't mean you need to have a life-long ambition to pray for. It means that there is something important to you, something you spend a lot of time thinking about and desiring for your life. Mine is sometimes as simple as asking God to help me make better choices so I can be a more 'present' parent or just pouring out my heart to Him. There are times when I have been so overwhelmed with life that it is the only thing I can do, just vent to the Lord, tell Him your fears, your hopes, your dreams, the problems you don't know what to do to fix. You don't even have to phrase it in a request or have any fancy words. He wants your heart. Give it to Him and enjoy the blessings of Peace that come when you allow Him to work in your life!
I think my mind is cluttered. I've been doing a 15 day challenge half-heartedly about Decluttering Life. I don't know if it is adding more clutter or helping the clutter in my brain. I don't know if organizing everything in my brain is where my focus needs to be right now. I want to focus more on letting go and giving God control. My quiet times have been going through a change. Now that my hubby is getting back to his normal self, I'm not alone as often. We'll stay up late together and I'll be too tired to spend time with God, or I'll shorten my time so we can turn the light off and get to bed. In the mornings I've been hitting the snooze more often than not and I've missed some important times. I truly miss having those moments with God. As life is changing, I need that time of refreshing and I need to find the best way to make it work for me. And, to stop hitting the snooze so many times! I have faith that He will lead me to make better choices.
On the plus side, God is using me again. He sent someone to me at the end of my work day who just needed a listening ear and a nudge in the right direction. She was looking for the answer to solve the chaos in her life and I couldn't provide that. There isn't a "tide-to-go" easy fix for life's problems. It is something we must bring before God and seek His will for. He promises to provide and to lead us. He will show you and teach you as you spend time seeking Him in prayer and in His word.
It felt so awesome to be able to share the verses that God has given me over this past year and hope that they will also touch someone else's life. I don't have all the answers. God is my only answer. We are each on our own journey with Him and we each have specific life circumstances and situations that require Heavenly guidance to navigate.
One thing God had me share is that when we pray, He wants specifics. He wants to hear your heart's desire. And that heart's desire doesn't mean you need to have a life-long ambition to pray for. It means that there is something important to you, something you spend a lot of time thinking about and desiring for your life. Mine is sometimes as simple as asking God to help me make better choices so I can be a more 'present' parent or just pouring out my heart to Him. There are times when I have been so overwhelmed with life that it is the only thing I can do, just vent to the Lord, tell Him your fears, your hopes, your dreams, the problems you don't know what to do to fix. You don't even have to phrase it in a request or have any fancy words. He wants your heart. Give it to Him and enjoy the blessings of Peace that come when you allow Him to work in your life!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Trusting God
I have noticed a strange phenomenon recently of people getting offended with the encouragement to "trust God". It isn't a cliche, although sometimes it is used that way.
They seem to think that to trust in the Lord means they are not allowed to feel. The two ideas don't mix. God created emotions. It is healthy to fear, have concerns, hurt, etc. In the beginning of this cancer journey, before I chose to fully trust God, I experienced all those emotions. They consumed me and I was unable to function as a wife, as a mother, and especially at work. That's not God's plan for anyone.
After I decided to trust God, to believe that His promises were true that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28), I was able to function. He filled me with a peace that didn't make sense. The only way to explain it is that it was a supernatural peace. I had no logical reason to have any peace, but it was there.
Did I still fear? Yes.
Was I still concerned? Yes.
Did I still hurt? Yes.
Did I still cry? Yes.
The change was that those things did not consume me. By the grace of God I was able to be the wife my husband needed. I was able to be the mother my children needed. I was able to be productive at work. Yes, there were times that I lost sight of my trust in God and it became overwhelming again. But all I had to do was look back at what He had already done, what He promised in His Word, trust Him once more and He would fill me with that perfect, unexplainable peace. He has repeatedly done this for me, and He is waiting to do the same for you.
They seem to think that to trust in the Lord means they are not allowed to feel. The two ideas don't mix. God created emotions. It is healthy to fear, have concerns, hurt, etc. In the beginning of this cancer journey, before I chose to fully trust God, I experienced all those emotions. They consumed me and I was unable to function as a wife, as a mother, and especially at work. That's not God's plan for anyone.
After I decided to trust God, to believe that His promises were true that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28), I was able to function. He filled me with a peace that didn't make sense. The only way to explain it is that it was a supernatural peace. I had no logical reason to have any peace, but it was there.
Did I still fear? Yes.
Was I still concerned? Yes.
Did I still hurt? Yes.
Did I still cry? Yes.
The change was that those things did not consume me. By the grace of God I was able to be the wife my husband needed. I was able to be the mother my children needed. I was able to be productive at work. Yes, there were times that I lost sight of my trust in God and it became overwhelming again. But all I had to do was look back at what He had already done, what He promised in His Word, trust Him once more and He would fill me with that perfect, unexplainable peace. He has repeatedly done this for me, and He is waiting to do the same for you.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Ahh...vacation finally hit!
Now that my Christmas vacation is almost over, I'm finally beginning to feel a little more relaxed. My days off were full of activity, but many things were accomplished and many good memories made with my family.
Writing my last blog really helped me to see where all my stress was coming from and how it wasn't as monumental as I imagined. I've been keeping up my quiet times with the Lord in the mornings and evenings. Sometimes I miss one or the other, but I try not to miss too many. I love my study bible. It explains a lot that I don't understand in some of the verses I'm reading through. I also love to see how the Greek/Hebrew original words add a new meaning to the English translation. God is just. He is faithful. He is amazingly patient and understanding. He loves eternally, and nothing anyone does can remove stop that love. He forgives. God is Love. When was the last time you spent time with him?
I started a "Prayer Journal" a while back, just writing down my prayers each morning and night as I spend time with God. It is amazing. He answers the little prayers. The ones I forget about after asking for them. For instance, I'll ask Him to help me make better choices, and when I look back at my day, I can see where He has come through for me. If I hadn't written it down, I may never have noticed or acknowledged the answered prayers. He cares about each moment. Each step of my daily activities and when I let Him, He blesses me and teaches me. I pray that I can continue to keep my eyes on Him and to be humble to allow Him free reign in my life.
Writing my last blog really helped me to see where all my stress was coming from and how it wasn't as monumental as I imagined. I've been keeping up my quiet times with the Lord in the mornings and evenings. Sometimes I miss one or the other, but I try not to miss too many. I love my study bible. It explains a lot that I don't understand in some of the verses I'm reading through. I also love to see how the Greek/Hebrew original words add a new meaning to the English translation. God is just. He is faithful. He is amazingly patient and understanding. He loves eternally, and nothing anyone does can remove stop that love. He forgives. God is Love. When was the last time you spent time with him?
I started a "Prayer Journal" a while back, just writing down my prayers each morning and night as I spend time with God. It is amazing. He answers the little prayers. The ones I forget about after asking for them. For instance, I'll ask Him to help me make better choices, and when I look back at my day, I can see where He has come through for me. If I hadn't written it down, I may never have noticed or acknowledged the answered prayers. He cares about each moment. Each step of my daily activities and when I let Him, He blesses me and teaches me. I pray that I can continue to keep my eyes on Him and to be humble to allow Him free reign in my life.
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