Sunday, May 20, 2018

House Hunting

We went on a full day trip to look at the new construction homes this weekend.  It was a long day, but I did enjoy seeing the homes we had perused online in person.  Surprisingly, one of the builders we had liked online looked awful in person.  Compared to other builders, these homes were not built with the same quality at all, but their prices were just as high as the other higher quality homes.

Some homes were beautifully built, but crammed into tiny lots with itty bitty backyards.  Most had small bedrooms with the majority of the square footage in the living areas.  We learned a lot about what we really want and need in a home and which features in a home really were important to us.  As usual, most of the ones we loved were a little out of our comfort zone financially so we aren't putting our hopes in getting a new build home.  We haven't scheduled a next time for househunting, but we will go see existing homes next time.

At home, we've finished up our enrichment program for homeschool and just have two weeks left of curriculum to finish at home.  I've put it all in the hands of our girls.  I explained how many days of school we have left and what they need to accomplish in that time.  It's been refreshing to see them take that information and become motivated to push for finishing early rather than procrastinating.  Next year they will be 5th and 7th graders.  Old enough to be more independent with their workload and old enough to make me feel like my time with them is fleeting.

I'm hoping that we can be moved and settled into our new home before school starts next year.  Everything for starting the home search has fallen into place in better ways than we had hoped for.  Now we are praying for God's timing and guidance for buying and selling.  God has been generous and gracious to us and I am continually motivated to remind myself to keep close to Him.  I know my own tendency to start out with God and get comfortable or excited and move out on my own power without Him.  So my prayer and goal is to keep my heart willing and seeking His will for our family.

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Taking Time to be Me

Every week is new with new challenges and new things to be excited about. 

With the house selling/hunting we are continuing to work on checking off items on the to-do list.  Today we dropped off our little dude and spent the day working on the house.  I deep cleaned my kitchen cabinets and the top of the cabinets too -somewhere I haven't seen probably since we first moved in!  It was one of my biggest tasks to accomplish and took most of the day.  I also packed four more boxes from my cabinets too.  Being ready to sell feels a lot closer...just waiting on the preapproval for the new loan still...we shall see what news that brings.

On a more personal note, it was a rough week emotionally.  Having so many things on my plate got to me.  I seem to have a self-preservation instinct.  I handle things and handle things and push through even when it isn't easy...and then I hit a point where I simply shut down.  I stop caring about making the effort for the hard stuff and I have a few nights of feeling sad until I can work through it and figure out what it is that is bugging me.

This time it was mostly about 'adulting' on my own for a long period of time.  My hubby's been sick and because of his illness, I've been working on getting things done all on my own.  He helps when and how he can and feels awful that he can't do the things he wishes his body would let him do.  I don't mind the responsibilities; at times I just get overwhelmed and tired.  I don't have a lot of free time.  I am, and will increasingly be, his caregiver.  Granted, he is very self-sufficient right now and mostly I only help his health by cooking him healthy food and nagging him about making wise (realistic) choices about what he can physically do. 

His recent illness has been more than a lot for both of us.  It has forced him to stop taking his arthritis medication so his immune system can help fight the new illness, and that has caused him an increase in pain and decreased mobility due to it.  He bought himself a cane with his birthday money...he isn't even 40 yet and he has been walking with a cane.  He doesn't always need it, but when his body is hurting, the cane is very helpful to him.  He loves it.  Me...it's the idea of it that gets to me.  He knows that his later years in life will most likely be shorter and with increased disability.  I understand that, but don't want to spend time concerned with what might be, and take my learned-approach of dealing with what comes our way as things happen in life.

It was also the long duration of time that we've been unable to have our normal together-time.  His pain forces him to spend evenings on the heating pad in his ergonomic computer chair.  Zoning into his computer games enables him to temporarily not think about how much pain he is in.  It's a medication-free way to cope with pain.  So I've been missing the physical closeness, the adult conversations (I'm home with kids all day), and wasn't communicating with him because I didn't want to add to his struggles with dealing with being forced to be away from his family.  He doesn't enjoy these times either.

I went to mid-week church service and enjoyed the quiet kid-free time and positive message.  I planned more lunches that I am looking forward to rather than simply planning meals that cater to the budget or to other nutritional needs.  I spent more time watching my tv show on my phone when I had a quiet moment from the kids, and I spent more time praying and reading my bible.  Basically I took some time out to focus on my own wants and needs.  I give so much (and give willingly and cheerfully), but I need to refresh and refill my own cup too.

Thankfully, we had an appointment to go and his mom was watching the kids for us.  Our appointment ended early and we were able to go out to lunch, just us.  It was like going on a date -something we haven't done in a while.  We talked and enjoyed being on our own as adults and not parenting at the same time.  I was able to share some of my struggles in a way that didn't  emphasize any negativity.  What a difference communication makes! 

It will still take time for his illness to heal, but I'm feeling better.  We are also going to take a day to look at some homes with the realtor soon.  I'm excited for that!

Monday, May 7, 2018

Waiting with God

We've been busy as expected.  We signed a contract with a realtor for both selling and buying because she gave us a good discount for combining services.  We haven't heard back from the lender yet about pre-approval for a new home loan, so we're waiting for God's timing on that one and whatever results it may bring.

After signing the contract with the realtor, I felt very overwhelmed.  It took me a while, but after spending some time talking to God about it and hashing out all the feelings, facts, and happenings going on, I think we figured out why. 

I was feeling a bit rushed to get the house ready to sell and a bit overwhelmed with how daunting a task it seems when I think of my busy days at home with three children living regular life, trying to finish our final weeks of school, and also trying to prepare the house for moving/selling/and somehow living 'normally' in the transition of the two. 

God reminded me that I'm not required to meet any other person's deadlines.  Just signing the contract doesn't require us to sell, it doesn't require us to list by a particular date either.  It was just one more step forward.  We have some minor work to do around our home for maintenance and fix-ups.  I also have decluttering and cleaning left to do.  One step at a time...a reminder for myself, too...one step with our hearts and minds geared towards God's will and not letting things rush us into stepping out on our own without Him.