Loss

 We had to put our "puppo" down yesterday.  It was unexpected and heart-wrenching.  For several weeks she would randomly go through spells where she wouldn't want to eat and would vomit bile in the mornings, but she always seemed to get through it.

We first considered her hip-dysplasia supplement as a cause.  It has a side-effect of an upset tummy.  But ruled that out because she didn't always get sick after having it.  Only sometimes.

Then we switched her dog food in case of sensitivity to a food.  She liked it more, but still had episodes of not wanting to eat.

Then we got really strict with watching for any human foods she might be getting into from the kids dropping things on the floor.

Then we found wild garlic growing in our yard, so we fenced it off and thought perhaps we'd found the cause.

Then, this weekend, she had an absolute blast playing with her best buddy all day long.  The next day she wouldn't eat breakfast like her previous episodes.  When I got home, she was hoovering up as much grass as she could eat and then vomiting it all up, leaving clumps around the yard.

Sunday she stopped eating or drinking anything at all.  The vet was closed so we did online research and ended up syringe feeding her a mix of pedialyte and water to keep her hydrated.  Monday, the vet was booked and couldn't get her in.  They reassured me that if we could only get her to eat, she would probably get over whatever upset her tummy.

So I boiled chicken and rice.  She turned away from it.  We force-fed bits throughout the day.  She seemed to perk up after getting food and water in her, but she wouldn't eat on her own.  She barely took a sip of water once without the syringe.  That evening it all came back up.

I took her to the E.R. and they gave her fluids and an anti-nausea injection.  The prices were super high for anything and they didn't think her symptoms were needing immediate attention, so we left and waited for her vet appointment on Tuesday afternoon.

The vet did an x-ray and bloodwork.  They questioned me on all sorts of things that dogs might consume.  All I could think of was a rock from the yard or the few pieces of her buddy's food that she snuck.  

She liked to play with rocks.  She tossed them into the air and would try to catch them again.  Kind of like she was playing catch with herself.  The x-rays showed a jagged rock stuck in her small intestine.  It was completely blocking her system and too large to pass.  The price for the 'exploratory' surgery would have taken up everything we had, with no certainty that it wouldn't happen again.  We have a lot of rock in our yard.

Choosing to put her down was one of the hardest decisions of our lives.  I didn't anticipate that being a possibility.  Her spay surgery was so much cheaper, I never imagined the cost being so high.  Grieving her loss has been hard.  The unexpected loss adds to the hurt, watching our children grieve is absolutely heartbreaking...

Our older three were present.  Everyone got to say their goodbyes.  Our kindergartener sobbed and hugged her, he asked all kinds of questions.  I explained everything as simply as I could for him.  On the way home he was sad, but still curious about the world and asked me which was meaner, wasps or mosquitos?  That's when I knew he would be okay.

Our freshman bawled and bawled, but seems a little better today.  Our oldest is taking it the hardest.  She always does.  Walking through grief with them is hard.

Anxiety

At our daughter's request and suggestion of her therapist, we have completed a second-opinion neurological assessment.

She definitely has symptoms of ADHD, but fell short of having enough symptoms for a diagnosis.  Neither did she qualify for an ASD diagnosis, in fact that was a much lower score.  Rather, she received a confirmed diagnosis of General Anxiety Disorder along with minor Social Anxiety and borderline Depression (which often goes hand-in-hand with anxiety).  Her ADHD symptoms are a direct result of the anxiety she battles.

I appreciated the approach of the psychologist who did the second-opinion.  She was incredibly thorough.  The amount of testing and paperwork we completed was much more than her first assessment.  Her explanation of how she came to her conclusions and why made sense.  My only pause, is knowledge that this was an assessment completed by someone who doesn't know Christ.  I don't doubt her conclusions, but my hubby and I will prayerfully move forward in how we approach dealing with anxiety.  

While it is her diagnosis and something she will live with, it also affects our family and how we will do life together.  My first response is to research for myself to understand her better and understand anxiety better.  Secondly, I am spending time learning from her what her anxiety is like for her and how it affects her choices and her behavior.  We are learning much.

I joined some groups about parenting children with anxiety, and the stories I read there are so much more severe than ours.  Those parents and children are living a heart-breaking reality.  It is apparent to me that a faith in Christ and having the Holy Spirit actively involved makes a huge difference.  I pray for wisdom and guidance as we learn how to help her best.