Happy Holidays & Merry Christmas!

Another Christmas has come and gone.  I hope that yours was joyful!  Ours has been a welcome break from the hassles of life.  We stayed home over our vacation break and other than dealing with an annoying cold, it has been truly relaxing!

My hubby and I are looking into potentially moving in the new year if God provides.  Looking at homes online is fun.  Trying to imagine actually packing up, cleaning, and selling our current home is not so fun.  I would love a larger home with a second bathroom...we manage with our small single bathroom, but our family of 5 would love to have a second bathroom!  I'd also be fine with staying put.  Our home is small, but it works.

I have also been contemplating our family's eating habits and considering all the mess of variables we have.  My husband does well on a low carb / anti-inflammatory diet.  Our son still needs a wheat / milk free diet.  I've been able to tolerate adding wheat back into my diet and milk on occasion, but I do feel a difference in my body when I eat it.  One of our daughters will eat most foods.  The other is very picky -like I was at her age.

I desire to plan meals that don't break the bank, aren't too time-consuming, and meet everyone's needs.  We ignored most of our typical dietary restrictions over our Christmas break, and my husband is having some flare-ups as a result, so I know that diet is key to keeping his arthritis subdued.  The paleo diet seems to meet most of our needs, but I don't buy into the foundational story that the diet is based on.  I'm guessing I'll probably do a mixture of what I've been doing with perhaps some new recipes as I hunt around on Pinterest for ideas.

Spirituality

It seems to be a common occurrence recently to find people separating spirituality from certain things in life.  I find it unsettling.  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing is untouched by spirituality.  Spiritual warfare is an every day, moment-by-moment war being waged...whether we want to acknowledge it or not.  It's becoming easier and easier to ignore the things of God and live how we want to live.

Preaching to myself also apparently...God and I have been having our own little tiff...or at least I've been pushing Him away in some areas of life.  He's calling me back...turn around little one, let's deal with this heart issue...

I find it so interesting how the media is pushing issues and making such a stink of specific problems, and getting caught up in the specific social battles and I hardly ever see any acknowledgement of the fact that all the problems in our world boil down to simple, ugly, SIN.  We are sinners living in a fallen world.  Rather than fight for causes that are consequences of sin, we need to be fighting at the root of the issue.  Our broken world in desperate need of a Savior.  Where is that on Facebook?  The majority of my FB friends are Christian, but very few, very few, ever remark on this issue.  I think this is why I do not have strong opinions in some things...because I care most about things on a spiritual level -the foundation of the problems rather than the surface issues.

The bible says that our battle is not against flesh and blood, "but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places."  Ephesians 6:12 NLT.

Satan is intent in his quest to "steal and kill and destroy" (John 10:10) and is known as the father of lies. (John 8:44).  He spreads his lies and deception everywhere and it starts in the innocent things as small bite-size pieces that we all can ignore or deflect easily...but he makes sin familiar and then we grow more desensitized to it to the point where we are confused or so accustomed to seeing it as harmless that we allow it into our lives. 

I'm guilty of this too.  Tonight I am reminded to be on guard, to be aware and ready...that's what it means to have on the armor of God.  When it speaks of "girting your loins with truth" in the older versions of Ephesians 6:14, the image used is of men getting prepared in battle or to run a race.  They would take their tunic and tuck it up into their belts so that their legs would be free to run and be agile in battle without hindrance.  Being prepared, ready to react quickly and efficiently.  We need to put on the full armor of God so that we can be ready.  So that we can be prepared, and so that we will recognize the spiritual attacks coming at us and react accordingly.

Applying God's Will to My Life

Applying God's Will to My Life...How to do this, to be exact was my thought provoking question  between me and God.

I often pray that I would know and follow His Will, but this phrasing seems to fit the bill more accurately.  I wondered how a "self-help" book might instruct someone if this was the title of the book.

I imagine that understanding priorities from a godly perspective would be a good place to start.  For me, I've known my priorities, but I don't always follow them and I often struggle with fitting in time for me to be my own person...so my current prayer is that God would help me find a better balance in this area.

Another area would be goals.  What are your goals for each priority?  What ways are you working towards those goals and how do those goals effect how you look at your priorities?  These questions I'm not dealing with yet, but I have them in the back of my mind for later.

De-cluttering & Baby Proofing

Our little man is changing so much as he enters into this first year of toddlerhood!  He is understanding so much more than he used to, able to get into more, and busy, busy, BUSY!

It was quite the display of perseverance and determination, but once he learned it was possible, there was no stopping him!  He learned how to use the corner where our two couches meet to climb onto the couch and as a result, onto the end tables and over the strategically placed barriers I had put into place.  My once baby-proof living room became a toddler's heaven/mom's nightmare!

It took a good full day of work to totally re-work our living room and another full day to finish the job.  My girls and I used our life-application aspect of homeschooling to purchase and install L-brackets so our toddler couldn't pull the bookshelves down.  We emptied the bookshelves of our precious books and removed all our board games.  Now my beautiful bookshelves are mostly empty as our little guy can reach all except the top shelf!  The living room is now his domain with his toys on those shelves. We used math, critical thinking skills, large and small motor skills, the science of balancing stacks (they made a fort out of our board games and book piles), and more!

The end result is nice to look at and it was a lot of mental work to figure out how and what to change! We also had to re-do our homeschool storage by moving our open shelving to another room and exchanging it for a secretary desk that has closed doors we can toddler proof!

He continues to discover new heights...literally!  He has figured out how to climb up onto our window seat and just sits there so proud of himself.  He has shelves of toys to play with and most of the time prefers to see what he can get into rather than play with his toys.  Gotta love him!

Struggles of Life and Ways We Cope

Week of Labor Day:  It's been a trying week, the first time in a while that I've been this drained.  The biggest challenge has been that both my hubby and the baby have had health battles all week long.  We had two big events planned for our holiday weekend.  We had to cancel one and I took the kids to the other.  It was our first "family event" for just our little family that my husband had to miss out on due to complications with his arthritis.  I think this was the first time that I have sincerely been frustrated and angry about this illness that continues to interfere with our lives. 

For him, I know it is a daily struggle to balance caring for his physical struggles and still participating how he can at home.  For me, it is a complicated balancing act with all the hats I wear.  There isn't a true solution that solves our struggles. Our struggles are caused by health issues.  Issues that will never go away and will only get worse.  Solutions for this kind of struggle are finding ways to work with the problems and through them.

In the hard times, like this past week, my husband is unable to do much more than put a smile on his face for the children and spend the day coping with pain and attempting to recover enough to participate in a "normal" appearing life.  I care for everything else in the day-to-day living in our home.  At times I feel alone.  He feels alone.  At times I feel overwhelmed.  It can be exhausting, and it is hard to take care of myself, to pay attention to our marriage relationship, to be there emotionally for our children, care for the daily household needs, etc.  I am a strong woman, I can handle a lot.  I am capable of doing many things on my own and carrying this load for a while...but sometimes it gets to me.

Solutions / Ways to Cope:  The biggest help is to be aware of the root cause(s) of the little frustrations that mount up and pray about them.  Knowing is half the battle...there's a GI JOE jingle in there somewhere. :0)

Time is another biggie.  Allow time to explore where your emotions are and why they are.  I know that when I feel the most depressed in hard times is at night when I am tired.  Simply sending myself to bed early makes a huge difference.  100% of the time I wake up feeling so much more positive than I felt the night before.

The next biggest help is to keep communication lines open.  This can be tricky because emotions and patience can be stretched thin already.   We both work at speaking to each other in loving ways and avoid any outbursts of negative emotion...those must be spoken in a sensitive way with understanding of how they may come across to the other person.   My husband's arthritis isn't his fault.  He has little to no control over when it flares up or how bad it gets.  So when I express frustration with it, I am conscientious of not using words that may cast blame on him as a person.
Then it comes down to being flexible to change plans and simplify life as needed to accommodate the changes necessary for dealing with it.

Lastly, there are always preventative actions to take.  Knowing our plans may change at any time, we are careful how we present them to our children and my hubby is careful on how he cares for his body in the days leading up to our plans.  He'll often schedule his masseuse appointments for the following day or two after a big trip.  We plan out medication timelines and bring heating pads on our road trips.  And so on...

Meal Planning and French Lessons

Nothing particularly exciting is going on in our lives as of late, and I'm enjoying the day to day living for once.  The biggest excitement for me is that we've reached the beginning of a new month and I get to start fresh with my monthly grocery budget...a consistent source of challenges.

If we could get by with buying generic, processed foods, groceries would be cheap.  But with my honey's low-carb diet and my son's intolerances, that just isn't doable.  I read a post recently on the unlikely homeschool blog about large family menu planning and budgeting.  My family isn't nearly as large, but some of the tips helped!  I started by copying another mom's rotating two-week menu plan that she uses to stay cheap on food.  Most of it fit our family's eating habits, but she used so much of the same foods that I know my family would revolt after a couple rotations. 

After brainstorming with my honey, I adjusted it to fit our needs/wants better and made it into a rotating 4-week menu plan.  This is our first week using it, and I'm so far pleased with the cost for my first week's plan.  It takes a lot of the stress off my shoulders having a plan already written so I can just buy the food for the meals on our list rather than coming up with something new every week.  It will also help with budgeting to see how much each week will cost us and how much we spend on "extras"...having that more streamlined and tangible will help when my hubby and I discuss our spending habits in the future.  It makes me feel good to have organized another chaotic area of life!

School days are going well, I'm very thankful that the Lord led me to be less specific in my planning.  I made plans for routines and goals, but I didn't try to restrict our lives as much I usually do when I get lost in the romanticized world of organizing.  We've made several small tweaks already that would have messed up any specific plans I might have made.

A perk of homeschooling is that I can adjust lessons and lesson plans to fit my kids' needs.  However, it also requires me to be flexible and find ways to adjust to those changes too.

For example, the girls want to learn French this year.  Through our Options program, I was able to check out a CD and Workbook curriculum.  My oldest loves this method and is enjoying the process.  My youngest gets bored just listening and following along so she doesn't pay attention.  She's not learning much or enjoying it, so today, I downloaded the DuoLingo app on my phone for her to try and she loves it.  Not only is it a 'screen' that she can see and touch, but it's "Mommy's Phone" -something she rarely gets to use!  She is very excited about this new way to learn French. 

I'm thankful to have found a free way to help her to enjoy learning and participate in French, but now I have to figure out the best way to incorporate the two different learning methods into our day...and I have to learn French both ways too because they aren't teaching the same words at the same time!

School Year Beginnings

One week down, 35 more to go! The first day of school was awesome!  Our new schedule/routine worked perfectly and was so relaxed.  I thought to myself, "I could do this every day!"  By Thursday I was thinking, "Is it the weekend yet? I need a break!"  Hahaha.  Perfect days like our first day are few and far between, but oh, so wonderful!

I'm glad we are back into a school day routine.  This week showed me how lazy our summer really was concerning following a schedule.  I can't stay up late for "one more show" with my hubby and still expect to have the energy to make it through the school day.  A couple nights like that and our little man awake a couple extra times and all those beautiful plans become a struggle!

We had to make a few minor tweaks to my planned routine for our little guy.  He plays wonderfully on his own when we are in the same room as him, however, when we are doing a lesson at the kitchen table and he is in the living room on his own...completely different story!  He just stands at the gate whining and watching us.  Poor guy.  It seems he forgot we just played with him minutes earlier! :0)  The solution is to do school with one child while the other plays with him and then switch.  Then while they are working on individual things, Mommy spends time with him!

Last year we were able to get most of our schooling done by lunch time.  This year I split it up into morning and afternoon work.  Trying to anticipate the needed flexibility for a toddler added to the mix and also fitting in some time for fun and a few chores.

Next week we start our once weekly full day of enrichment at our local Options program.  I accidentally let my license expire, so my first day of freedom is going to be spent sitting at the DMV, joy of joys...  The girls are looking forward to being back in a group of their peers, the one major thing they missed about traditional schooling. 

Think, Think, Think

I have a brain that likes to ponder things...like Winnie the Pooh who frequently sits and taps his forehead saying, "Think, think, think."  We start our second year of homeschool in a week, and I find myself reflecting on how life was prior to homeschool vs. how it is now.  I ponder the upbringing my older children had being in childcare vs. my son who has only known a home environment.

There are things my older girls learned simply because being in childcare there was a set system of growth and development that is expected and necessary to function well in that lifestyle.  I worried more about training them to sleep on their own, using a pacifier, staying on track with the published typical milestones of child development, and social skills at a younger age.

With my son, everything is more relaxed.  He didn't have to be sleep trained or keep a set mealtime schedule.  We have the flexibility to go with the flow of our home lifestyle.  His life doesn't have to fit into a system.  I have enjoyed the absence of this pressure in caring for him.  For example, it was very important to keep ahead of the game in learning to eat solid foods for my girls and also to learn self-soothing habits because in a childcare program, those skills make a child's day significantly better.  At home, these skills are learned following the child's leading and aren't required in order for a day to go well.  He is learning these skills, just a little more slowly and at a pace that works for him.

One thing that the girls learned early on, is to accept other caregivers.  My little guy is very much attached to me.  I love that I have been able to be there for him, although it has made leaving him with others more challenging.

I ponder similar comparisons with our homeschooling experience so far.  Traditional school is very structured with routines and rules that are necessary to have a successful learning experience within a large group of children and teaching is geared towards meeting specific state goals.  Everything is set up for the group as a whole with very little flexibility for children's individual learning needs. 

At home, I can adjust the day's learning based on the individual needs of my children from slowing things down, to speeding them up; taking a day off or changing the learning environment.  I can even adapt our curriculum as frequently as needed or desired.

The longer I homeschool, the more I realize that in being home with my children, and unlike the traditional school setting, education takes place throughout all of our life experiences together and not just during the set "school hours".  This might sound like a "duh" statement, but I'll explain further what I mean:

I remember my older girls being in their public charter school and wondering what they were learning and how well they were learning.  I had to trust the teachers and the school system that things were going good as long as I didn't hear otherwise. 

Now that I am the teacher, I know exactly where they are in their learning and can use our life experiences with an educational advantage.  Over dinner, I can enforce a concept discussed during school as it pops up in casual conversation.  When we are perusing Netflix for something to watch, I can pick out shows with themes that correlate to things we've been learning in school.

Homeschooling and being a stay-home mom isn't for every family, but for me, it is a cherished season of life.

Insecurities and Perspective

Don't get me wrong, being a stay-home mom is my dream.  It's just that lately little insecurities here and there have been popping up.  I don't even speak them or write them down, but they seem to accumulate somewhere in my "emotional bank" -for lack of a better term.  Little things that the rational-me knows are insignificant and some truly don't bother me on most days.  Yet, when they all add up together, I can get overwhelmed and start to feel down on myself and doubtful.

My hair that had started thinning at the beginning of my diet is now growing back and nearing two inches long...you know how every short hair cut goes through an ugly stage in the growing-out process?  I've found mine.  It is hot on my neck in the summer heat and looks like I've got a major case of frizzies if I pull my hair back -which I do regularly because the baby loves to pull hair.  So, I resolve to roll my eyes at myself and chalk it all up to loving myself as a stay-home mom of three.

Many of the homeschool moms on Facebook are joking about how many books they are buying and all the curriculum choices they are making for different subjects.  Others are posting pics of their homeschool rooms and new decorations for the upcoming year.  I'm not buying curriculum books, our curriculum is free, online, and comprehensive.  I don't have a homeschool room to decorate, but I will make the girls clean their desk before we start school...  I am completely okay with not being like those other moms.  Every homeschool is unique and developed to meet its individual needs.  Sometimes I have a nagging little thought that maybe I am missing something by not doing the same things other moms are.  I push that little thought away, but it likes to pop back up when I'm feeling low.

Money is tight since I am home and I didn't take a summer job.  We have enough, but not extra and we watch closely what we choose to spend each month on the little extras.  It's an added stress, not a huge deal, but again, there.

And then there are my three wonderful children who I love so much that I want to be the absolute best mother they could ever have and meet every need in the best possible way.  Mom-guilt is natural for all mommies and my perfectionist self loves to pile it on.

So, I read an article today that I totally related to.  I could've written it...except the author is much more eloquent than I am.  It was basically saying why can't it be okay to just be me?  Why do I have to strive so hard to be perfect?  Why can't life be good enough when I am being me?  I needed the change of perspective.  After reading that article and praying about my feelings, I felt much better.  I looked around at my cluttered little house. 

Instead of a walking hazard of toys on the floor, I saw a baby boy's play area where he has so much fun banging toys on the tile entry way and then leaves them there so we can't open the door.  How long will I get to enjoy his pleasure in the simple things?  Instead of my daughter's hamper of clean clothes that she hasn't put away in three days, I saw the evidence of a little girl who loves to play and avoids chores at all cost.  My little girl who will one day grow up and leave an empty hamper.  Instead of a frumpy, aging woman in the mirror, I saw bright brown eyes with laugh lines and hair that has volume and beautiful soft curls.  Perspective people.  Love who you are.  Accept yourself for who you are and the way God has made you.

What does God want for us?

Life gets overwhelming easily when we don't put our faith in God.  Especially for me because I want so badly to get it right the first time.  Making decisions that directly impact my future or my children's future, is hard for me.  When I take the time to set all the stuff aside, get quiet and seek the Lord, He relieves all that stress and pressure.  He gives me clarity of thought.  He gives me wisdom and insight to the decisions He wants for us.

Most recently, this came in the form of homeschool planning.  I've been contemplating how to schedule our school days.  Our baby is going to be a toddler and his needs are changing.  I've gotten to know the learning styles and habits of my older two, and in certain subjects they need more accountability or support than in others.  I can't focus on all three at once all the time, so having some ideas and plans set in place ahead of time will help.

In addition to wanting to meet the individual needs of all three of my children in a day, the content of what they learn is on my mind.  Our curriculum (Easy Peasy - Allinonehomeschool.com) is a Christian-based program, but I feel God calling me to live out my faith with my children.  Not just following someone else's bible time, but personalizing our family's experience with Him.  I don't want to teach my children religion.  I want to share the blessing of a relationship with God with them.  I spent time praying about it by writing my prayers in my journal and looking through the bible verses I've been looking over recently in my own personal time with God.  I felt God leading me to study with my children a topic that I've pondered many times and have always desired to be better at...we are going to start out studying "What does it mean to seek God with our whole heart?"

Ah! Summer is nearly gone!

Vacation Bible School was a good experience.  I had volunteered to work the whole time, but was only scheduled to do the first shift of 2-3 hours in the mornings.  That ended up being perfect for us.  I got to know some of the other volunteers at church and how things are done there.  I was tired and ready to have a break at the end of each shift...part of that was not getting much sleep that week.  Something, teething or food -I don't know, kept the baby up at nights.  He would take his morning nap as soon as I buckled him into his car seat and I got an hour break before returning to pick up my older children.

Being in the nursery with him worked!   He enjoyed exploring and playing and he got used to the environment!  Last Sunday he lasted almost through the whole service and they only had to call me because he bumped his head and wouldn't let them console him.

I enjoyed the small taste of working with young children again after being home the past year.  I'm still good with kids, but I'm not interested in getting back into the field anytime soon.  Life with three children, my hubby's disability and homeschooling are enough to fill my days.

We're down to four weeks of summer left.  I'm excited for the school year to start and I also want to savor the time we have left before the busyness of the school year begins.  My brain is quickly filled with all the potential plans for the future and trying to make the most of the present as well.

I was blessed to get to spend some time with my oldest two on their own at our church's family skate night this week.  We had a blast.  I was able to join them in skating while my hubby stayed home with our little guy.  The girls and I participated in the games and played our own version of tag during the regular skate.  It was fun.  I exaggerated being surprised or upset over getting tagged, played up the chase and thoroughly enjoyed the laughter of my daughters as we played.  My tween didn't want to hold my hand, but enjoyed me being near.  My youngest loved skating holding hands and the added leverage to keep her balance.  It was a great evening together.

Summer Update

What is God doing in my life?  Well, I think He is enabling me to be more aware of things going on in my life.  I often find myself contemplating things and roles of myself and other people around me and the impacts they have.

My oldest graduated to the "Junior High" group at church and we've started going to church both on Sundays and on Wednesdays so she can be as involved as she wants to be.  The girls are really enjoying going, and I'm struggling to figure out how to do it.  I've put the baby into church nursery twice and the longest he lasted was through the beginning worship music before they called me down to get him.  He just isn't used to other people caring for him.  Sigh.  The hazards of being a stay-at-home mom.

He is too loud to stay in the sanctuary.  The nursing mom's room is great, except mom's tend to talk and then I can't always hear the message.  I've been bringing the stroller and pacing the lower level halls where they have TV's that show the sermon and the message on speakers throughout so I can at least hear it, but it isn't the most enjoyable way to do church.  On occasion I have dropped off the older kids and gone home to listen to service online where I can let the baby just play instead of being strapped into his seat for two hours, but I always feel so guilty doing that...our church is only 5 minutes from home, so I'm not far!  I know it is just a season of life, so hopefully I'll figure it out soon.

I've volunteered to help in the nursery next week for VBS (Vacation Bible School), so I'm hoping that might help the baby get more comfortable being there on Sundays after spending a whole week in the same room.  Or maybe, I should try just volunteering to be in the nursery with him for a few weeks to see if that makes a difference.  That might be the key.  God knows!

On another note, our summer is going well.  We've been on several outings and while I've found many ways to stay cheap and reduce the amount of gas I have to use, I'm finding that less travel and a slower pace at home makes for a happier and more relaxed summer experience for everyone.  We had a full two-week break from anything school related and have just started up doing some math work on the days we don't go anywhere.  I've also added in audiobooks for when we're in the car, and some read-aloud books at home in addition to the 30-minutes of reading they do for the summer reading program through our library and Barnes and Noble.

Right now, I'm most excited to be starting to plan next year's school year.  I have a plan for which subjects we'll do each day of the week, and am narrowing down exactly which levels of each subject to teach.  My hubby approved ordering some workbooks of printables so I don't have to print so much at home (it will end up being cheaper than buying printer ink in the long run).  So I'm excited for those things.  I really want to start writing down plans in my planner, but I'm afraid to get too far ahead of myself.  I don't want to have the whole year planned in there, just to decide to change it up once we get there.  I think I will do maybe the first few weeks in my planner and then wait to see how it goes.  I'd love to have the whole year done and ready to go, but from experience I know that half the fun of doing school is the planning.  I need to leave some of the excitement for later!

Countdown to Summer

We have 9 days of school left this year.  It's hard to believe we made it to the end of our first year of homeschooling already.  The time has flown by, we've done so much and it feels like we could just keep on going because in all honesty, it has been a blast! 

The upcoming summer "break" is going to be full of more learning experiences where we'll continue learning and developing our relationships in a more active and hopefully relaxed way!  I've been busy planning activities and experiences.  Reading and math will be continued at a more relaxed pace.  Our city sponsors some free learning "camps" (they're really just a couple hours on specific days) that we've signed up for, we got some great deals on summer passes/discounts to the skating rink, bowling alley, movie theater, and local swimming pools.  The kids are ready and excited for the summer. :0)

I'm looking forward to picnics at the parks and hoping that it truly is a relaxing summer of fun and not too busy.

* * *

A more bittersweet anticipation of this summer is our baby's first birthday.  I'm excited because he is such a doll and I am thoroughly enjoying the little person he is.  I'm anxious to get back to eating the same foods as the rest of my family again.  I'm saddened that his first year is so quickly passing.  He is so much fun, I hardly notice that he's quickly turning into a toddler and his babyhood is ending.  When I do notice, I'm so busy I can't spend much time being sad over it.

He and I are testing new foods on a regular basis and passing most of them.  The ones he hasn't passed are common allergens anyway, so they may always be a bit of a trouble digestively, we'll see.  Right now we are slowly trying the milk "ladder", which is a slow and progressive way of introducing dairy into a non-dairy diet to be as easy as possible on the body.

My health has greatly improved since we passed eggs several months ago.  Eggs have such a wealth of nutrients that I needed.  There was a point where I was starting to wonder how long I could keep up with the strict diet I was on.  My hair had begun to thin and the weight fell off each week with no effort (aside from the diet).  I had to consciously eat extra to ensure I was getting the right amount of nutrition.  I even had to add extra fat to my diet to get what I needed while still being able to feed my son.  I've become pretty good at judging my dietary needs from my energy level mentally and physically.  We have made it so far and I am so thankful that we have been able to add so many foods to our diet.  My hair is filling in again (I have a fringe of short hairs around my head), and the weight loss has slowed to almost maintaining my weight.  I'm about 8-9 pounds more than I was at my wedding.  Our baby, he just continues to grow in leaps and bounds.  He's big for his age and chunky in all the right places!  He is definitely getting all he needs. :0)

Even stay-home moms need a break once in a while!

It's funny.  My childhood dream was to be a stay at home mom so that I could be there for my kids as they grew up.  My own mom was able to be home for the majority of my school years and when she did have to return to work, it was noticeable.

In my silly dreams, I would be home with the kids when they were young and then send them off to school and be home for them before and after their school day.  The house would be spotless because I'd have all that time to myself, all errands would be accomplished and I'd have plenty of me-time during the school days.  Real life...I don't know what a spotless house is, and if mine ever is...it would be such a shock I think I wouldn't feel comfortable until I cluttered it up a little.

Granted, I'm a homeschool mama too.  I replaced my career outside the home with a career inside the home.  I'm still teaching, I just get paid in hugs, kisses, sassy attitudes and rolling eyes. LOL!

I absolutely love being home with my kids and homeschooling them too.  It is not easy and I don't love it every day.  There are days and sometimes weeks where I just want to book a hotel room with a Jacuzzi tub and go on a vacation all by myself!  Mother's Day is coming and I always thought the moms who wanted a day away from their families were crazy and selfish.  But I have to admit, the idea was a little appealing last week.  It was one of those weeks that I was running out of steam.

We're in our final month of school.  We've pushed hard to finish the year by the end of the month.  We started school late, so we haven't taken many days off from school in an effort to make up some time.  Truthfully, we could school year-round and we don't need to push so hard to finish this month.  But, the kids are accustomed to the public school year and anxious for summer to start in June.  That schedule is ingrained in my head too, so we may add in some learning over the summer, but I don't want to be obligated to have school. 

Thankfully, my hubby was also feeling the pressure for a break and decided out of the blue to take a 3-day weekend.  A 3-day weekend was just what we needed and I feel so much better! 

Planning is so much fun!

We finalized several plans for next school year this week and I've completed my year-at-a-glance schedule for next school year!  Woo-Hoo!

The biggest thing I was waiting to confirm was whether or not we were going to put our girls into an enrichment program for homeschoolers.  Several families do this, and while I don't think it is necessary for the educational aspect, our kids were expressing a desire to be around other kids more often.

We've joined a Homeschool Group that shares our Christian faith and offers monthly opportunities.  We are slowly getting to know the other families.  We also visited two "enrichment" programs for homeschoolers this month.  One was a Christian Co-op and the other was a secular "Options" program offered through the public school system.

Surprisingly enough, the co-op wasn't the best fit for us this year.  I was a little disappointed that it didn't work out, but I know God has us in His hands!  It required parents to lead one whole class and assist in a second class of the co-op.  I didn't feel ready for that commitment with my youngest still quite attached to me, and me still figuring out this homeschooling thing at home.  Only one of my older kiddos enjoyed the day we spent there.

We did end up enrolling in the options program.  It was scary for me to consider, but our girls really wanted to be around other kids more and I'd heard several other Christian families saying their children attended.  The in-person visit was reassuring to me.  It is managed by a homeschooling veteran (a mom of eight!) and a member of the evangelical church that the program uses.  Several of the teachers were also church-goers and very up-beat about their role in the classrooms.  I don't have to commit to teaching, just supervising a lunch hour or two throughout the year, and both of our girls loved the visit and asked to start going right away! 

The other plus that I liked, but didn't want to be a deciding factor, was that they offer a free curriculum lending library to families enrolled and it also gives me a break for a few hours each week where I will just have the baby to worry about.  I have to admit I am looking forward to that built-in opportunity to focus on my youngest and the house.

With that piece of the puzzle complete, I was able to finalize my plan for the year so we have 36-ish weeks of school, built in breaks, and some extra days for flexibility.  Now I can focus more on curriculum and summer planning!

Parenting

Feeling a bit on the melancholy side tonight.  Being a parent is such an amazing and frightening experience.  My children mean the world to me.  The responsibility of being their mommy is one that I take very seriously.

I don't suppose that there is any parent who doesn't have regrets.  You do your best, you give the best of yourself, and like it or not, the worst of yourself plays a role as well.  Your child is with you through thick and thin, relying on you, and their entire growth and development occurs throughout the experiences you share together.  A quote that I learned once replays in my head, "Parents do their best, and when they know better, they do better."  I learn from my mistakes and I try to learn from the mistakes of others.  I know I'm a good mom, just not as good as I wish I were.  So, I try to give myself grace and place all my worries in God's capable hands.

Putting God First

God's been busy in my life again!  Our church has a regular time for prayer and fasting twice a year...at least.  This Sunday-Tuesday was one of them, and while I don't think I should fast while being a nursing mom, I decided to drop social media and minimize the use of my smartphone while with my family. 

I have been praying about putting God first more than I do, and while researching for next year's homeschool stuff, I found another mom's blog about her "morning basket".  Part of her morning routine is a scheduled time for the entire family to spend time one-on-one with God.  I really thought that was such a neat idea, so I toyed around with our current routine and tweaked it to add in that all-important personal relationship time with God. 

We've now followed the new routine two whole days, and I love it.  It gives me time to spend with God where I'm not mentally pulled in ten directions and it gives the kids time to learn what a relationship with God is.  I am less cluttered mentally and more at peace during the rest of the day.

I figured it would add a bit more time to our schooling since we were starting a little later in the morning, but so far it really hasn't made a negative impact at all to our normal schedule.  The kids complained about me making their morning TV show strictly one from our Pureflix subscription, but other than that, they seem to be enjoying their time with God too.  :0)

Planners! Get ready to see a glimpse of my inner nerd!

Spring cleaning becomes Spring Planning for homeschoolers!  Everyone is talking about next year's curriculums, assessments, testing, etc.  Planners are on sale and I can't wait for mine to arrive in the mail!

I love to plan.  I love to fill in blank spaces in spiral bound books.  I love dreaming of plans and imagining what we will do.  Having something to look forward to is a good thing!

Over the years I have learned how often I plan unrealistically.  My goal with this year's planner is to set up a good foundation for the coming year: organizing and making general plans, but leaving the detailed planning for later as I get closer to actually needing it.  My current planner goes through June, so I don't truly need to start using my new one until then...I just need to have it ready to go.

There aren't many planners created specifically for homeschooling moms, but the most popular two on the market happened to be my favorite.  I spent way too much time drooling over them and trying to decide which one would most realistically fit my style of planning.

The first one I discovered was called "the Well Planned Day" by www.wellplannedgal.com.  It has a lot of floral designs which actually looked nice and not too flowery for my laidback personality.  What I loved most was the tabbed months and the double boxes on the weekly lined lists where I could plan for 6 subjects of curriculum.  Along the side of each weekly two-page spread was a place for notes, priorities, and the week's menu plan.  I loved it because it very closely fits what I have adjusted my current planner to look like.  I liked how complete it was and ready for use.  Some of the added features included bible verses, quotes, shopping lists, and articles to read each month.

My current planner is a nice Office Depot weekly/monthly academic spiral bound with a hard cover.  I like it a lot, but it is plain to look at and I found myself wishing for some additional features that it didn't offer.

The second planner I found was called "The Ultimate Homeschool Planner" by Debra Bell.  Several websites sell it, but the best view of it I found is on www.rainbowresource.com.  It is an undated planner in a simpler, more basic floral design which I like okay.  It didn't have the monthly tabs that I like, and it had the monthly pages separate from the weekly pages.  Two things that in the past I have rejected planners for.  The weekly pages are blank with six columns and six rows, along with a seventh column with space for notes, supplies, and appointments.  I loved the flexibility of the many ways I could use the blank columns and rows to fit my needs and adjust as the year progresses.  Some of the additional features include a user guide at the front with tons of tips and suggestions, areas to evaluate your school year, and a weekly two-page spread for a bible reading, battle plan, and space to write memorable moments and moments of God's grace.  I liked the reminders and space to encourage a more godly train of thought in my planning, but it wasn't a feature I was necessarily looking for and I'm not sure I would actually use it, to be honest.

Planners are expensive and I wanted to purchase the best one for my needs...but I could see myself using both planners.  I poured over video reviews and repeatedly went back to look at the views of the planner pages.  I hated not being able to walk into a store and touch them and flip through the pages to make my decision.  Online shopping is a challenge to me in that way.  Ultimately, I chose the second planner.  It was the one that made me the most excited to use it because I get to set it up my own way.  I can use my colored pens and markers to make it my own, and if I need to adjust something as the year progresses, I can.  The pages offer so much usable space and nothing is set in stone.  I also like the idea of having a reminder to start the week consulting the Lord and plan to have Him be part of our school year.  I am excited for it to arrive so I can start planning how to set it up!

Burdens and Blessings

Disability: a physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities.
Few people realize the extent that disability impacts our lives...and rarely do I share due to my husband's preference to live life as normally as possible and not burden others.  The word is one I've avoided using, but is becoming more accepted by both my husband and I as his arthritis continues.

His arthritis is genetic, and often many people are carriers of the gene, but only a few actually develop the disease.  As with all arthritis's it attacks the joints causing pain, but this particular arthritis also causes inflammation which results in fusing of joints, muscle spasms, and bones to move out of place.  The pain is chronic, never a day without pain.  Some days are worse than others.
He works hard and takes great care to provide well for our family so that I can be home and we can provide our children with our best.  I am grateful for the opportunity to be home for our family and for him.

I like my traditional role of wife and mother.  That is the role I feel called to be in; as well as a role that I flourish in.  I love to serve others; especially my husband and children.  I give of myself and it makes me happy.  I appreciate the sacrifices my husband makes so that I can be home.  I understand how his arthritis limits what he is able to do.  I understand it is exhausting to be in pain all day...simply being in pain takes an immense amount of energy.  So I make it my goal to be his help-mate.  I work alongside him in the home as he works outside the home to provide.

School, most shopping, and housework are all generally done during his working hours.  When he comes home, we all relax as a family.  I'm not so great at being a housekeeper, but my culinary skills are growing in leaps and bounds!  Tonight I made him sloppy joe stuffed peppers and cooked the children their favorite macaroni and spam since they're not so fond of sloppy joes -even ones not made from a can!  (A no starch/low carb diet reduces the inflammation from his arthritis, so we try to keep his meals that way.)  I have learned how to cook all kinds of meat and often cook from scratch using recipes I've found until I am familiar with different methods and flavors we like.  I make my own cheese sauce without a recipe for the macaroni, and I microwave a tasty baked potato (potatoes are my current favorite food on my strict diet), but no longer do I cook the whole chicken in the microwave like when we first got married!  I try to keep up with the laundry and am pretty good at keeping it clean.  Sometimes it makes it out of the basket to the closet, but it is at the very least, clean. 

The hardest part is of course that the responsibilities at home with young children are never-ending.  While the bulk of our daily work is done during the day, a mother's work is truly never done.  I spend evenings balancing time with family and time cooking, tidying up, parenting, caring for the baby, etc.  Alone time for me is rare.  My hubby supports me in getting out at least once a month to go to my mom's-night-out bible study which I always enjoy, even if getting out of the house is challenging.  I'm also starting to attend more homeschool get-togethers which forces me to socialize more.  I never realized how much women talked before...maybe it is the fact that we are all homeschooling moms and need adult interaction, but every event I've attended I am surrounded by chatting women.  Lots of them.  They are very friendly and I enjoy the conversations...and then get home all "peopled-out".  This introvert can only handle that much interaction for a short time!

Ultimately, I love where our life is right now.  I'm grateful for our blessings and strive to accept and overcome the burdens as we can.  God is good.  He always has our best in mind even when we don't see it.  Have a great night!

Baby Update

Wow, two posts in the same month!  I must be on a roll!  Hahaha.

Tonight I have the privilege of blogging because we actually got all three kiddos to bed at a decent time and my hubby's arthritis is flaring so we're hanging out on the computers so he can heat his shoulders in his ergonomic chair.

Our little guy is growing in leaps and bounds!  He successfully started solid foods this month with homemade oatmeal baby cereal (we put the old-fashioned oats in the blender to make oat powder and then add water).  He absolutely loves eating real food!  If we feed him too slowly, he starts grunting at us in anticipation of his next bite.  If we are at the table eating, he wants to be with us eating too.  I often eat with him on my lap and he watches every move I make.  Sometimes I will sneak him tastes of my applesauce...he loves applesauce! 

We've started letting him cry-it-out in his crib now that he is a little bigger and a bit more mature.  When he gets to the point where he is crying in his crib, but instantly snuggles into your arm and falls asleep when picked up...that's a big clue he is ready to learn to deal with being in his crib on his own.  He doesn't like going to sleep in his crib, but is learning.  He's gotten really good at napping in his chair or swing.  We got him a super soft blanket at Christmas and he loves to snuggle in it to nap with.  Too bad we can't let him snuggle with it in his crib...and he's awake again!  See you next time!

Mombie ramblings

I miss blogging, but life and responsibilities keep me away for this season.  Even right now, I'm just barely squeezing in some time because the baby is actually asleep in his crib and my hubby fell asleep on the couch.  I could either go to bed or blog, and I've been missing my writing so here I am.

I'm learning to squeeze in little moments here and there.  For example, while my older children worked on a project and the baby slept, I hand-washed a couple pans.  I didn't have time for a whole load of dishes, but two pans, I had time for that.  In fact, I think I washed one, answered a couple school questions and then washed the other.  The life of an involved mom is a busy one.  I have no idea how my mother ever kept up with the laundry with four children...mine do their own and I still can't keep up with it...and my hair...I barely ever actually brush it unless we're leaving the house.  Some days even brushing my teeth in the morning is a true accomplishment.

I'm learning to accept the necessity and the gift of flexibility. Being home I have the "time" to handle many phone calls and appointments that would otherwise be squeezed into a lunch break or weekend if I were working.  Today we took the dog to the groomer.  It threw off the whole routine for the day, but we got things accomplished that needed to be done for our home.  We used the time out of the house to also get the week's grocery shopping done, which now leaves us our full day tomorrow for being at home.

I'm also realizing what a perfectionist I am.  I expect perfection of myself and unconsciously often seek perfection in others and the world around me.  I'm learning to give myself grace and find that I'm often reminding myself that imperfections are okay.  Letting go of the mom-guilt is another constant mental battle I wage.  The ideal situation in my mind is rarely reality and I have to remember that it's okay to take care of me; it's okay to take a break or be lenient when everyone is tired; and it's okay to let go of all the day's plans in order to focus on the relationships instead.

My brain is turning into mush...my blogging desires must be replaced by the physical need for sleep.  Good night, everyone.  Don't forget that Jesus loves you.