A Little Angry, A Little Sad

Sometimes it feels like arthritis is stealing my husband from me and my children's father from them.

I guess it is so rare a thing, that I don't always realize how much arthritis has taken from us.  Tonight I got a glimpse of the father my children could've had and it breaks my heart that he can't be the father he wants to be and they can't either.

It was the Fall Family Night at our church.  It's a small church so there were a few games to play, a cardboard box maze, mini-golf, craft area and refreshments.  Set up as an "open house" type agenda, families can come and go as they please.  I had mentioned possibly going to my hubby and he surprised me by saying he was going to come along too!  I was thrilled to be going as a complete family unit and relieved for the added support he gives with our two littlest ones.  The kids were just as happy to have Daddy going as well -he had not been to our church yet or met their teachers.

My hubby took our preschooler around to all of the games and helped him play.  One game set up in the church's backyard was a potato sack race.  He got our older girls to join in and to be goofy, when the race started he scooped up our preschooler and ran him across the grass!  It was so funny and I even got part of it on video!

That one little sprint cost him dearly.  His feet suffered neuropathy pain worse than he's had in ages.  His ribs/chest spasmed at the slightest movement, as well as other back spasms he has had lately.  After we got home and put the kids to bed he had to spend time with his heating pad and ergonomic chair rather than a night together as a couple.

I adore the video of him.  And I hate it.  I love the joy in his face and the children's faces.  I hate that this was a rare moment rather than a common one.  I love his ability to play with his kids.  I hate that it costs him so much, costs us so much.  It's not fair.  The person he is inside isn't free to be expressed the way it naturally would if his body were healthy.

As with many other times when I have a silent conversation with God in my head about my struggles, he challenges my thinking and changes my perspective.

There are families out there who don't have a father at all.  Or fathers with disabilities that don't allow them to have any moments like this one. Ever.  So, I have to tweak my perspective and rather than my focus being mourning the loss of what can't be, I can appreciate the gift of the moment we were given.  It is a memory 'captured on film' that will bring joy in the future.  The children will know that their daddy was there and he was an involved Daddy.

Halloween & Celebrating the Season of Fall!

I am enjoying the fall season this year!  The weather is cooling, but actually taking its time this year.  Many years we go straight from summer into winter weather.

Our girls decided for this year's costumes that they want to design shirts to wear that depict scripture verses.  We can't do our tradition of visiting Nana because we live too far away now, so we all agreed we would decorate our home and pass out candy and toys to our neighborhood kids!  They got excited about that idea!

I was excited too...no big costume expenses or stresses.  Then I saw all the candy prices...yikes!  Oh, well.  At least we get to all stay home together!

I've made a few shopping trips to local thrift stores and found a nice stool for a couple bucks.  We'll decorate the stool with fall colored table runners from the dollar store, ribbon, and fabric leaves.  I also got a cheap little scarecrow and some window clings.  It's fun to decorate and make our house feel more like a home.