Although "Real Faith" is a definition I am still discovering, being Real with God in my quiet time is proving more and more as a true relationship builder between us. In my journal, I write my prayers to God. Writing them helps keep my mind and heart focused on my prayer rather than the endless other things that easily distract me...trust me. The easiest way to fall asleep is to begin praying silently in my head to God...if I don't fall asleep, I find myself suddenly at the end of some random bunny trail of thought wondering where my prayer went.
Even writing my prayers, it is easy to fall into doing "lip service" if my mind is distracted with other things or someone interrupting me. It is a specific choice to purpose to be real at all times. Sometimes that means telling God about how distracted I am. Other times if my children interrupt, I may stop and return at a later time. Once in a while my prayer is simply a sentence or two long because it is all that I have to offer in my tired brain.
Philippians 4 offers a great way of thinking and praying that I try to follow:
verses 6-9: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy -meditate on these things...and the God of peace will be with you." NKJV
PS. "Supplication" means a Humble request.
Friday, November 20, 2015
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Walk with Christ
I'm enjoying finding who I am in Christ...I often listen to our local radio station that plays "Worship and the Word" 24/7. A pastor recently stated that if a Christian lives year to year without much noticeable change or growth -Satan has been successful in keeping you from seeking the Lord and growing in Him.
It's so true. Our walk with God should be a way of life. He shared that in the bible when the idea of a "walk" with Christ was how our faith should be...walking was the way of life. When people traveled, they generally walked every where they went. They didn't have cars or planes. So our "walk" with Christ is truly our way of living with Christ.
I liked that thought. :0)
It's so true. Our walk with God should be a way of life. He shared that in the bible when the idea of a "walk" with Christ was how our faith should be...walking was the way of life. When people traveled, they generally walked every where they went. They didn't have cars or planes. So our "walk" with Christ is truly our way of living with Christ.
I liked that thought. :0)
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Healing brings freedom to share.
Losing my job hurt.
It still hurts to remember the way it happened. Being director wasn’t ever my goal. I remember feeling so honorable when I
offered to take the role. I believed
that by putting in an application, I was putting my future in God’s hands. I believed that if God wanted me there, He
would allow them to hire me and then He would equip me. After
I was given the position, a smaller prayer I prayed was that I was willing to
be director even if that meant I saw it fail…I truly believed it was the role
God had called me to be in at that point in my life. I never thought God would let me fail.
Was it a mistake to be in that role? I hesitate to go that far, and I wonder what might have been if I had not offered to take the role. Regardless, I have learned much along the way.
Becoming director was a huge change for me. The weight of responsibility fell heavily on
my shoulders. As my previous director’s
health had deteriorated, I had taken on most responsibilities of running the
center, but when I stepped into the role…those tasks continued in addition to
nonstop emails, phone calls and conversations.
It was overwhelming, but I was optimistic. I had lofty goals and dreams for making the
center the best it could possibly be.
Every experience seemed to be something I had never faced before. It was the hardest job I had ever had, and
even though it was incredibly difficult…I loved the challenges. I loved the successes. I analyzed the failures and learned ways to
improve.
Challenges became non-stop struggles. I’d complete one challenge and another would
fall in its place. Then they began piling
on top of each other. I learned to
prioritize and mentally compartmentalize them in order of importance or
urgency. In the beginning I felt like
God was running things and I was just the physical presence He worked
through. Subtly the struggles became
overwhelming. I learned to rely on the
Lord, not panicking when things looked to be failing, but waiting to see how He
would provide. He always did, even when
it got so complicated and overwhelming just to survive the day.
Along the way I lost heart.
I didn’t know how to handle the constant struggles. I was inexperienced in so many ways, doing
the best I could. I didn’t understand
what God was doing. Somewhere depending
on the Lord became flat out giving up. I
had no solutions, just the expectation that if God wanted the center to survive
the day, He would make it work.
It was a quick downward spiral the last six months. My superiors became too busy in their own
duties to provide any support and being the most experienced of my office team,
I felt very much as though I bore the weight of responsibility alone. In one area that I struggled, I asked my
superiors for help. Unfortunately the
help I hoped for was discouragement and impossible expectations. It reached a breaking point when I was unable
to meet their expectations. It truly was
the perfect storm.
During the specific situation that led to my decision to
leave my job, I kept my supervisor informed and worked with him. As the situation concluded, he in his own
overworked mental-state yelled at me and made false accusations. He completely forgot that I had kept him
informed and even followed his advice in attempting to reach the desired
outcome of the situation. It was the
second time he had yelled at me when things were stressful. I wasn’t willing to continue to let myself be
treated that way…no matter how stressed he was.
I requested that he speak to me calmly and with
respect. I told him that his yelling
shut me down mentally and emotionally and if that was going to be his approach
to me, I couldn’t stay. He responded
quickly, stating that I didn’t know what yelling was, he had only firmly stated
his displeasure and if I ever did that again I
would be looking for a job.
His response to me was exactly what I needed. After struggling for so long and losing
myself in the struggle, God gave me clear confirmation that I was no longer walking
in His will by being Director. I wrote a
letter of resignation and immediately began applying for jobs. I did not see
my supervisor the remainder of the week and did not submit my resignation yet, thinking perhaps it would be wisest to have another job in line before doing that.
The following Monday, he called me into his office and
informed me that they were making a change; that their philosophy and mine did
not mesh. He said I was a hard worker
and he would provide a good reference for me.
He gave me three days to leave and a very small severance pay that
stretched my accrued vacation time into a full month.
Even though I had planned to submit my resignation, being
let go hurt deeply. I felt like a
failure. I knew that the truth of my
departure would not be fully known and that I would not be able to give the
fond farewell I had hoped to clients and staff…especially the ones that I had
developed good relationships with. I
completed what I could and passed on the work to my assistant director who
would be left alone. I said goodbye to
some of the teachers, many were saddened and supportive of me. I was thankful to have their encouragement and
support.
I know God shut that door.
I know I needed the change. The
hurt is still healing and may always cause some sadness and discouragement. God has provided a new position that promises
growth and a chance to use my skills. It
also provides more time to be with my family.
In many ways, being let go has been a blessing in
disguise. Instead of working the last
month of summer, I was able to be home.
The time at home was very relaxing and a much needed time of healing for
me. As much as I was afraid to leave my
old job, I don’t miss it at all. It is a
breath of fresh air to be free. I feel
like in the role of Director, I stepped away from my God-given gifts. God gifted me in service and in administration. I am excited to have the freedom to serve
again.
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Healing takes Time
This year has been rough. Finding my way through hasn't been easy, but the good part is that all the trials have pushed me to seek the Lord more and look for answers in Him rather than elsewhere. I can't say I've succeeded in making it through to the other side of difficulty, I am still journeying through this experience. The learning and healing process is good though.
Someone I know is struggling with through hurt and emotional pain. It is a very private and devastating experience for this person and their family. My heart hurts for all involved and the situation is so very sorrowful...especially because the family knows God and supposedly so does the person who has caused this situation. I wish I could share more, but please pray for healing and restoration for this family...that they would rely on God and not turn away.
If I've learned anything through the trials I have experienced in life, it is that healing is always possible...it takes time and effort. And often the support of those who love you.
You have to allow yourself time. Time to feel. Time to not be okay. Time to simply keep breathing and living moment by moment because that's all you know how to do. Time to process your emotions and time to decide how you want to behave and react in specific situations or circumstances. There is no rush when it comes to healing...and if you seek the Lord in it all, He will guide your steps and provide for every single need: spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc.
Then you can decide if you need/want to seek more help or guidance to deal with a situation. Know that God is always there. A situation may not have been God's desire for you, but understand this: He works all things for the good of those who love Him. There will be good that comes from this situation. Even if you cannot see it now.
Someone I know is struggling with through hurt and emotional pain. It is a very private and devastating experience for this person and their family. My heart hurts for all involved and the situation is so very sorrowful...especially because the family knows God and supposedly so does the person who has caused this situation. I wish I could share more, but please pray for healing and restoration for this family...that they would rely on God and not turn away.
If I've learned anything through the trials I have experienced in life, it is that healing is always possible...it takes time and effort. And often the support of those who love you.
You have to allow yourself time. Time to feel. Time to not be okay. Time to simply keep breathing and living moment by moment because that's all you know how to do. Time to process your emotions and time to decide how you want to behave and react in specific situations or circumstances. There is no rush when it comes to healing...and if you seek the Lord in it all, He will guide your steps and provide for every single need: spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc.
Then you can decide if you need/want to seek more help or guidance to deal with a situation. Know that God is always there. A situation may not have been God's desire for you, but understand this: He works all things for the good of those who love Him. There will be good that comes from this situation. Even if you cannot see it now.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Many Changes.
Professionally, I'm adjusting to my new job. It is much more physically demanding - teaching and caring for a class full of infants is very busy! Each one is very different with their own personality...not a new concept, but so very much obvious as I've gotten to know them the past few weeks. Mentally it is learning their cues, voices, and likes/dislikes. Discovering their current skills and challenging them to develop further in ways that they find enjoyable...not always easy! Physically it is comforting, rocking, bouncing, varieties of facial expressions and eye-contact, bending over, holding my arms and legs out for periods of time as I care for multiple babies at a time. My body is remembering muscles it forgot it had!
Emotionally, I am up and down. Sometimes I am very positive and can easily see the ways that God has worked in my life through the trials I've lived this year. Other times the negative emotions and memories weigh on my mind. My life has gone through major changes on all fronts and living it is sometimes uncomfortable because so much of it is new.
Spiritually, God is bringing me back into a place where I can learn and grow, rather than be overwhelmed and trying to make it work on my own. I was so far out of my gifting and so far from where I needed to be for my own whole-ness. I don't miss my old job at all. It still seems strange to say that, after all the loyalty and passion I had for it...it is not even a concern at all. It's completely in God's hands and out of mine. I do miss the relationships. Thirteen years in the same place is a great way to develop relationship, and I miss the encouragement of my fellow Christian women.
Personally, I still wear hats of responsibility at home that keep me busy. The time God gave me between jobs enabled me to be home with my children for a good portion of the summer and beginning of the school year. Instead of working to achieve the goal of being WITH my children, there was not much else in the way. And now, with the job I have, I get to pick them up from school every day and work rarely follows me home. Work is work and home is home. That piece is very refreshing. I feel more able to serve from compassion rather than obligation in both realms.
Emotionally, I am up and down. Sometimes I am very positive and can easily see the ways that God has worked in my life through the trials I've lived this year. Other times the negative emotions and memories weigh on my mind. My life has gone through major changes on all fronts and living it is sometimes uncomfortable because so much of it is new.
Spiritually, God is bringing me back into a place where I can learn and grow, rather than be overwhelmed and trying to make it work on my own. I was so far out of my gifting and so far from where I needed to be for my own whole-ness. I don't miss my old job at all. It still seems strange to say that, after all the loyalty and passion I had for it...it is not even a concern at all. It's completely in God's hands and out of mine. I do miss the relationships. Thirteen years in the same place is a great way to develop relationship, and I miss the encouragement of my fellow Christian women.
Personally, I still wear hats of responsibility at home that keep me busy. The time God gave me between jobs enabled me to be home with my children for a good portion of the summer and beginning of the school year. Instead of working to achieve the goal of being WITH my children, there was not much else in the way. And now, with the job I have, I get to pick them up from school every day and work rarely follows me home. Work is work and home is home. That piece is very refreshing. I feel more able to serve from compassion rather than obligation in both realms.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Coping.
This is my year to be broken. A scary car accident in April. A hurtful end to my longtime job in July. Starting a new job in unfamiliar territory. A second terrifying car accident.
I am not myself.
Because I don't know her anymore.
Her confidence is shattered.
Her way of life as she once knew it, is gone.
God is making everything new and it hurts.
I just pray He makes me whole again.
With confidence and trust in Him rather than myself.
The most recent car accident lands on my shoulders for the weight of responsibility. A split second misunderstood expectation of the other driver's intentions and a decision I couldn't change once I acted on it placed my daughter in harm's way. The thousands upon thousands of driving close calls we see on a regular basis, and this had to happen. I now fear intersections. I take routes specifically to minimize the potential of risky situations. Driving brings anxiety, especially when other vehicles drive unsafely.
I do not feel guilty. Only broken.
To watch her fall in and out of consciousness in the hospital.
Not knowing the extent of the harm my actions caused.
I am grateful she only received a concussion and nothing more.
Her cognitive abilities are returning. I hope and pray she recovers fully to her prior self.
I remind myself that God uses all things for the good of those who love Him.
Somehow He has a plan and purpose within all this for my benefit. For her benefit.
Watching her flit around the house, seemingly without an understanding of where she was going or what she would do when she got there.
Watching her unspoken struggles.
Unable to play her favorite computer games. Unable to draw as detailed as she used to.
Her sadness in realizing that she couldn't make the pencil grace the page and settling for less. Or simply giving up. Unable to focus or concentrate.
Mental exhaustion comes quickly and easily. The first few days of recovery are very relaxed and lazy as simply watching movies or attempting a task causes fatigue.
Realizing that our whole family needed to make adjustments for her as she heals.
Previously always trying to keep up, her sister now is patient and loving with her, playing in simpler ways.
Finding ways to keep her mind active while not pushing her too hard. Re-adjusting our understanding of her abilities.
Physically helping her to bathe, as she lacked the coordination and even the recognition that she didn't complete a task.
Watching the bruising on her body and face expand and heal with the beautifully ugly colors of purple and yellow-green.
She is greatly improved within the five days since the accident. Her memory is recovering its attention to detail. Her coordination is improving and the stumbling less frequent. Her last bath, she was close to her previous abilities to accomplish the task. She has successfully been able to return to school. Her teacher working with her, still working on the same subjects, but decreasing the workload for her to a manageable level.
She still is restless at times. Wandering aimlessly about the house or a room, picking up objects and putting them down elsewhere. Asking to do things and moving on before an answer is given. My guess is her mental perseverance is wearing thin during these times and she needs rest, but doesn't recognize it.
I am thankful she is healing.
I am thankful I am healing...emotionally, physically, spiritually...
I am not myself.
Because I don't know her anymore.
Her confidence is shattered.
Her way of life as she once knew it, is gone.
God is making everything new and it hurts.
I just pray He makes me whole again.
With confidence and trust in Him rather than myself.
The most recent car accident lands on my shoulders for the weight of responsibility. A split second misunderstood expectation of the other driver's intentions and a decision I couldn't change once I acted on it placed my daughter in harm's way. The thousands upon thousands of driving close calls we see on a regular basis, and this had to happen. I now fear intersections. I take routes specifically to minimize the potential of risky situations. Driving brings anxiety, especially when other vehicles drive unsafely.
I do not feel guilty. Only broken.
To watch her fall in and out of consciousness in the hospital.
Not knowing the extent of the harm my actions caused.
I am grateful she only received a concussion and nothing more.
Her cognitive abilities are returning. I hope and pray she recovers fully to her prior self.
I remind myself that God uses all things for the good of those who love Him.
Somehow He has a plan and purpose within all this for my benefit. For her benefit.
Watching her flit around the house, seemingly without an understanding of where she was going or what she would do when she got there.
Watching her unspoken struggles.
Unable to play her favorite computer games. Unable to draw as detailed as she used to.
Her sadness in realizing that she couldn't make the pencil grace the page and settling for less. Or simply giving up. Unable to focus or concentrate.
Mental exhaustion comes quickly and easily. The first few days of recovery are very relaxed and lazy as simply watching movies or attempting a task causes fatigue.
Realizing that our whole family needed to make adjustments for her as she heals.
Previously always trying to keep up, her sister now is patient and loving with her, playing in simpler ways.
Finding ways to keep her mind active while not pushing her too hard. Re-adjusting our understanding of her abilities.
Physically helping her to bathe, as she lacked the coordination and even the recognition that she didn't complete a task.
Watching the bruising on her body and face expand and heal with the beautifully ugly colors of purple and yellow-green.
She is greatly improved within the five days since the accident. Her memory is recovering its attention to detail. Her coordination is improving and the stumbling less frequent. Her last bath, she was close to her previous abilities to accomplish the task. She has successfully been able to return to school. Her teacher working with her, still working on the same subjects, but decreasing the workload for her to a manageable level.
She still is restless at times. Wandering aimlessly about the house or a room, picking up objects and putting them down elsewhere. Asking to do things and moving on before an answer is given. My guess is her mental perseverance is wearing thin during these times and she needs rest, but doesn't recognize it.
I am thankful she is healing.
I am thankful I am healing...emotionally, physically, spiritually...
Friday, July 31, 2015
Employed Again!
It's been a nerve-wracking week. I turned down the first position I was offered. It was farther from home than I wanted to work, but the money and hours would have been enough.
The second job offer I also turned down in order to wait for answers on my last and final interview. It was close to home and offered the highest wage, but for some reason it just didn't feel right. It was very scary to turn down all job offers without having another offer on the table, but both my husband and I felt it was what God wanted us to do. So we stepped out in faith, waiting to see what God would do.
I interviewed twice in 4 days. They offered me a position other than what I interviewed for at a rate that was just too low. I countered back asking them to consider the rate my hubby and I felt was needed for our family, and after an agonizing day of waiting for an answer, they met my asking rate!
The job I have accepted, just this morning, is a little closer to home than my last position. What is so awesome, is that the hours are perfect! I will be able to pick my children up from school and we'll avoid most childcare costs since my husband is changing his work hours to be able to drop them off at school. They won't have to change schools this year either. Such a blessing!
I don't know when I start yet, I haven't signed a contract yet. Praise the Lord, He has led me through and provided for me and my family!
My new position is an Infant Nursery Supervisor - I will lead two classrooms of infants, working closely with the other teachers and the parents of the babies. It isn't a role I thought I would be in, but I'm very excited about it!
The second job offer I also turned down in order to wait for answers on my last and final interview. It was close to home and offered the highest wage, but for some reason it just didn't feel right. It was very scary to turn down all job offers without having another offer on the table, but both my husband and I felt it was what God wanted us to do. So we stepped out in faith, waiting to see what God would do.
I interviewed twice in 4 days. They offered me a position other than what I interviewed for at a rate that was just too low. I countered back asking them to consider the rate my hubby and I felt was needed for our family, and after an agonizing day of waiting for an answer, they met my asking rate!
The job I have accepted, just this morning, is a little closer to home than my last position. What is so awesome, is that the hours are perfect! I will be able to pick my children up from school and we'll avoid most childcare costs since my husband is changing his work hours to be able to drop them off at school. They won't have to change schools this year either. Such a blessing!
I don't know when I start yet, I haven't signed a contract yet. Praise the Lord, He has led me through and provided for me and my family!
My new position is an Infant Nursery Supervisor - I will lead two classrooms of infants, working closely with the other teachers and the parents of the babies. It isn't a role I thought I would be in, but I'm very excited about it!
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Transitions are a Challenge!
It's been less than a week since I decided to look for a new job. Instead of giving my 30-day notice on Monday, I was let go and given three days to wrap up my job duties. The positive is that they did give me severance pay stating that it was simply due to a difference in business philosophy between both parties. I can live with that even though it hurt so much that day.
I've had two interviews, one job offer that I'm considering, and another interview tomorrow. The bummer deal is that I think our kiddos will have to go to public school for the first time in their lives. All the charter schools I've contacted in our area have waiting lists or are no longer taking applications for the year.
Even though this is a very scary time for me, I was so comfortable and attached to my job that I probably wouldn't have left very easily without this turn of events. God's removed any control I might have had in the situation and forced me to rely on Him again. It's nice...in a very uncomfortable sort of way. :0)
Another positive is that throughout this week when I've had so much discouragement, many people around me are supporting me. The good relationships I have with others in my field are coming out of the woodwork and reminding me that I'm not a complete failure, and it is a good time for a change.
Thank you for your prayers, I need them!
I've had two interviews, one job offer that I'm considering, and another interview tomorrow. The bummer deal is that I think our kiddos will have to go to public school for the first time in their lives. All the charter schools I've contacted in our area have waiting lists or are no longer taking applications for the year.
Even though this is a very scary time for me, I was so comfortable and attached to my job that I probably wouldn't have left very easily without this turn of events. God's removed any control I might have had in the situation and forced me to rely on Him again. It's nice...in a very uncomfortable sort of way. :0)
Another positive is that throughout this week when I've had so much discouragement, many people around me are supporting me. The good relationships I have with others in my field are coming out of the woodwork and reminding me that I'm not a complete failure, and it is a good time for a change.
Thank you for your prayers, I need them!
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Moving forward
I am half excited and half terrified to be moving forward in my life. Recent events with my job have made it very clear that I've reached the end of a chapter. I am actively looking for a new job, still in my career field of early childhood education.
It is exciting because there is always a bit of adventure that comes with new things. It is terrifying because the unknown is scary. There are many variables that have to fit perfectly. New salary, new location, paying for before/after school for the kids, will we need to change schools for our children? So many things I cannot control, what happens is entirely up to God as He leads.
I've been busy applying for all sorts of jobs from admin work to teacher to nanny. I've even considered leaving my career field, but am waiting to see how the interviews I have this week pan out.
In other news I have one more PT appointment this week and we'll decide then whether or not to continue with the appointments. My pain levels are decreasing and I've learned many new exercises. I still rely on muscle relaxers at night, but with them I can stay mostly pain free during the daytimes. It has been a slow process, but I'm encouraged with the improvement I've had.
It is exciting because there is always a bit of adventure that comes with new things. It is terrifying because the unknown is scary. There are many variables that have to fit perfectly. New salary, new location, paying for before/after school for the kids, will we need to change schools for our children? So many things I cannot control, what happens is entirely up to God as He leads.
I've been busy applying for all sorts of jobs from admin work to teacher to nanny. I've even considered leaving my career field, but am waiting to see how the interviews I have this week pan out.
In other news I have one more PT appointment this week and we'll decide then whether or not to continue with the appointments. My pain levels are decreasing and I've learned many new exercises. I still rely on muscle relaxers at night, but with them I can stay mostly pain free during the daytimes. It has been a slow process, but I'm encouraged with the improvement I've had.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Patience vs. Determination
I have often been praised for having patience in situations. It is more than mere patience. It is a stubborn determination to battle past a the obstacles...to get past that seemingly solid wall and break through. In my line of work this often means getting past a child's fear or pride to break through to the vulnerable child on the inside who longs to be loved and understood.
Many times in my career I have used this stubborn so-called patience to help a child succeed.
Many times in my career I have used this stubborn so-called patience to help a child succeed.
- A four-year-old at nap time who shows early signs of ADHD can't lay still to sleep. Constant and consistent relaxing touches from head to toe for 30 minutes did the trick and over repeated efforts, helped this child get the rest he needed.
- An eight-year-old who'd been abused and ran away repeatedly intentionally trying to be kicked out. After hours on end spent with him hiding under a chair in my office, he learned summer camp was a safe place to be. A place with boundaries and rules he could trust to be there. This progress allowed him to have a positive experience with other children, other adults, and let his mother attend school to support her children after escaping from their abuser.
- A three-year-old who had been unwittingly taught to use tantrums to meet her wants and needs learned more appropriate ways to express herself and began to accept authority without the tantrums.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Physical Therapy
Hello! The last few weeks have been super busy! School ended for the kids and summer camp chaos has begun. I started physical therapy and after two sessions have learned much more about my injury and what things I can do to help my body heal.
Basically, in a bad accident the body is violently thrown/jerked/etc. The muscles clench in an effort to stabilize the body and protect it. When clenched muscles are still violently jerked around, it causes injury and aggravates the muscles. Failure to treat these muscles carefully can result in the muscles learning how to incorrectly behave in response to your body's movements. Thus, causing additional pain and potential complications.
My therapist recommended not lifting more than 5 pounds for a while if possible. Resting periodically throughout the day (lying down so my muscles don't have to hold up that weight called my head!), and very gently moving my head in ways that don't hurt my muscles to help the muscles learn to appropriately respond to my body movements. Basically, anything that causes my muscles to increase in pain or tighten needs to be avoided right now. A very light massage helps to increase blood flow to the muscles and reduces the pain. The "tens" instrument (pads that emit electric pulse through the muscle) feels really good when it is on the right setting.
I am doing a little better. The hardest part is making time in my busy day to just rest and lay down. The second hardest is making sure I sleep in a good position. The other night my little one had a bad cold and couldn't sleep in her bed and after a bad dream didn't want to sleep by herself, so we snuggled on the couch...that hurt, but she needed me most. :) We're looking at purchasing a special roll so I can copy some of the exercises at home that I did in PT.
Basically, in a bad accident the body is violently thrown/jerked/etc. The muscles clench in an effort to stabilize the body and protect it. When clenched muscles are still violently jerked around, it causes injury and aggravates the muscles. Failure to treat these muscles carefully can result in the muscles learning how to incorrectly behave in response to your body's movements. Thus, causing additional pain and potential complications.
My therapist recommended not lifting more than 5 pounds for a while if possible. Resting periodically throughout the day (lying down so my muscles don't have to hold up that weight called my head!), and very gently moving my head in ways that don't hurt my muscles to help the muscles learn to appropriately respond to my body movements. Basically, anything that causes my muscles to increase in pain or tighten needs to be avoided right now. A very light massage helps to increase blood flow to the muscles and reduces the pain. The "tens" instrument (pads that emit electric pulse through the muscle) feels really good when it is on the right setting.
I am doing a little better. The hardest part is making time in my busy day to just rest and lay down. The second hardest is making sure I sleep in a good position. The other night my little one had a bad cold and couldn't sleep in her bed and after a bad dream didn't want to sleep by herself, so we snuggled on the couch...that hurt, but she needed me most. :) We're looking at purchasing a special roll so I can copy some of the exercises at home that I did in PT.
Friday, May 29, 2015
A snapshot of this moment
It's been a while since I've blogged. My blogs have been sporadic and haltingly composed. Needless to say, I'm going through something on a deeply personal level. Rather than opening my bleeding heart to the world, I have treasured the silence and mourned the lack of relationship. This blog allows me to share my heart, but it doesn't develop relationship. I would say it hinders relationship.
Anywho...I felt like writing for the first time in a while and I'll probably ramble. I've been in a place where I have been uncertain of how I feel about God. I can't say that I am mad at Him, although I haven't been very willing to listen for Him either. I have a frustration somewhere deep and I've been emotionally hurt recently in a way that makes me unwilling to openly trust Him either -even though my head tells me that's a copout. I grow weary of the struggle spiritually. Whatever this season might be, or even its purpose -I can't define it right now. I'm just living through it. Waiting on God, acknowledging my faults and whatever is going on is how I'm coping.
Physically I am in pain constantly with my neck/shoulders/back. Physical therapy starts this coming week. Dealing with the pain is something I can handle even though I find it exasperating. Resting and not using my muscles is hard to maintain. I will get to a place where I can last 7 hours without needing pain medications before everything starts stiffening up, but if I begin to use my muscles at all...it takes all that "progress" backwards. I have a high-level of pain tolerance, especially muscle pain...I gave birth completely naturally twice...it never "hurt" to a point of wanting to give up. It was just exhausting to accomplish. I don't want to unwittingly down-play the reality of the injury to doctors. I just want to know what is going on, and the how's and why's that go with it. Since this is my first experience with this type of health problem in my own body, I want to understand it. I hope that the therapist will be able to teach me.
Anywho...I felt like writing for the first time in a while and I'll probably ramble. I've been in a place where I have been uncertain of how I feel about God. I can't say that I am mad at Him, although I haven't been very willing to listen for Him either. I have a frustration somewhere deep and I've been emotionally hurt recently in a way that makes me unwilling to openly trust Him either -even though my head tells me that's a copout. I grow weary of the struggle spiritually. Whatever this season might be, or even its purpose -I can't define it right now. I'm just living through it. Waiting on God, acknowledging my faults and whatever is going on is how I'm coping.
Physically I am in pain constantly with my neck/shoulders/back. Physical therapy starts this coming week. Dealing with the pain is something I can handle even though I find it exasperating. Resting and not using my muscles is hard to maintain. I will get to a place where I can last 7 hours without needing pain medications before everything starts stiffening up, but if I begin to use my muscles at all...it takes all that "progress" backwards. I have a high-level of pain tolerance, especially muscle pain...I gave birth completely naturally twice...it never "hurt" to a point of wanting to give up. It was just exhausting to accomplish. I don't want to unwittingly down-play the reality of the injury to doctors. I just want to know what is going on, and the how's and why's that go with it. Since this is my first experience with this type of health problem in my own body, I want to understand it. I hope that the therapist will be able to teach me.
Friday, May 1, 2015
Accident Update
My car is officially a "Total Loss"...I guess between all the birthdays in our family this month we get to shop for a car! I've been wanting a new car, but never imagined this would be the event to trigger accomplishing it!
Medically, the side effects of the pain reliever was worse than the pain relief so I'm restricted to Tylenol for now. It temporarily takes the edge off the pain, but doesn't do what the other meds did. It hurt simply to hold a 5-month old infant in my arms today at work. Thankfully, much of my job is office work and doesn't require too much lifting. I can't tell you how frustrating it is not to be able to do the things I used to do so easily. Instead of clearing out a closet full of bins, I had to wait for the assistance of others. It isn't what I'm used to and is a real adjustment to realize what I can and can't do right now.
We're still waiting for the insurance companies to work out the liabilities and medical claim portions. It will probably be another week or so before we hear for sure what the end result will be. Insurance is nice, but never simple. Always complicated!
Medically, the side effects of the pain reliever was worse than the pain relief so I'm restricted to Tylenol for now. It temporarily takes the edge off the pain, but doesn't do what the other meds did. It hurt simply to hold a 5-month old infant in my arms today at work. Thankfully, much of my job is office work and doesn't require too much lifting. I can't tell you how frustrating it is not to be able to do the things I used to do so easily. Instead of clearing out a closet full of bins, I had to wait for the assistance of others. It isn't what I'm used to and is a real adjustment to realize what I can and can't do right now.
We're still waiting for the insurance companies to work out the liabilities and medical claim portions. It will probably be another week or so before we hear for sure what the end result will be. Insurance is nice, but never simple. Always complicated!
Monday, April 27, 2015
For Mom
Hi, Mom! I know you read this often. Sorry I haven't written much lately.
The car accident was four days ago. Only two business days though, so I am still waiting to see what the insurance inspection of my car determines. The guesstimate is that it is a "total loss" and then hopefully the other insurance company will accept liability and we'll make a settlement for the car and injuries.
If they find it repairable, it becomes a decision of how much it would cost to repair vs. potentially getting a new car anyway. The good news is that it was already paid off.
The kids seem okay. Your oldest granddaughter enjoyed being the center of attention at school sharing her story with the class at school and answering questions from her peers about all she experienced. The highlights seem to be the accident with my window breaking and the car tire falling off, riding in a police cruiser, and meeting the firemen.
She seems to be doing well, but still complaining of a bit of a headache in quiet moments. Might call her doc tomorrow about that. It doesn't hinder her from normal activities though, that's a good sign.
Your youngest granddaughter got her teacher to give her a Band-Aid over the bruise she has from her seatbelt. A Band-Aid worn quite proudly too. :0)
My muscles remain quite sore when I'm not on pain meds, but I've been resting and not using them too much so they will hopefully heal sooner rather than later. The hardest part is waiting for everything. Waiting to hear from insurance companies. Waiting for the pain to stop. Wondering what the next step is going to be. It's no fun to be waiting. Love you!
The car accident was four days ago. Only two business days though, so I am still waiting to see what the insurance inspection of my car determines. The guesstimate is that it is a "total loss" and then hopefully the other insurance company will accept liability and we'll make a settlement for the car and injuries.
If they find it repairable, it becomes a decision of how much it would cost to repair vs. potentially getting a new car anyway. The good news is that it was already paid off.
The kids seem okay. Your oldest granddaughter enjoyed being the center of attention at school sharing her story with the class at school and answering questions from her peers about all she experienced. The highlights seem to be the accident with my window breaking and the car tire falling off, riding in a police cruiser, and meeting the firemen.
She seems to be doing well, but still complaining of a bit of a headache in quiet moments. Might call her doc tomorrow about that. It doesn't hinder her from normal activities though, that's a good sign.
Your youngest granddaughter got her teacher to give her a Band-Aid over the bruise she has from her seatbelt. A Band-Aid worn quite proudly too. :0)
My muscles remain quite sore when I'm not on pain meds, but I've been resting and not using them too much so they will hopefully heal sooner rather than later. The hardest part is waiting for everything. Waiting to hear from insurance companies. Waiting for the pain to stop. Wondering what the next step is going to be. It's no fun to be waiting. Love you!
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Rough Patch
Been learning things along the way these past several weeks.
I made a commitment to God and I broke it.
I felt separated from Him.
I disappointed myself. I got discouraged.
Then I got mad and stubborn...like a stiff-necked Israelite.
I am strong.
I am determined.
I am a survivor.
I am an overcomer.
Being strong and overcoming obstacles means that you don't give up. You don't run away. You live through the struggle and continue to be the best you can be despite the odds.
However, the best I can be on my own is never enough.
I can't do it alone.
I can't do it in my own power.
I need my Lord and Savior.
I need His guidance and His hope.
That's one of the lessons I have been re-learning.
Another lesson is that no matter how many times we fail God, He remains faithful. He remains steady. And. I need Him.
I made a commitment to God and I broke it.
I felt separated from Him.
I disappointed myself. I got discouraged.
Then I got mad and stubborn...like a stiff-necked Israelite.
I am strong.
I am determined.
I am a survivor.
I am an overcomer.
Being strong and overcoming obstacles means that you don't give up. You don't run away. You live through the struggle and continue to be the best you can be despite the odds.
However, the best I can be on my own is never enough.
I can't do it alone.
I can't do it in my own power.
I need my Lord and Savior.
I need His guidance and His hope.
That's one of the lessons I have been re-learning.
Another lesson is that no matter how many times we fail God, He remains faithful. He remains steady. And. I need Him.
Friday, March 27, 2015
I wonder how many of us would be different people if we took a moment to appreciate, to do a small kind, unexpected gesture to say "Hey, I am thinking about you and I care"?
When it happens, it is like a bright and shining star lighting up the day...even if only for a moment. I look back at my day and it might all have been full of challenge and struggle, but that one moment, all the struggles can't overshadow that shining star. At least someone cared, someone made the effort, even if just for a moment.
When it happens, it is like a bright and shining star lighting up the day...even if only for a moment. I look back at my day and it might all have been full of challenge and struggle, but that one moment, all the struggles can't overshadow that shining star. At least someone cared, someone made the effort, even if just for a moment.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
How do you choose who to help?
Someone asked me today how people choose who to help -as in giving of yourself to benefit others (money, time, talents, etc.).
Great question.
I thought about it and we talked it through. Most often, we give to those we have a passion for. Most people's charities are for a cause supporting something they or someone close to them has gone through. For me personally, I have a passion to directly impact lives. I could donate money to organizations, but my heart is to help those not involved in large organizations. To help those around me. Sometimes that I feel an inner urge or pressure to help someone else, like the homeless person on the corner, even though my gift could be wasted by that person, it is never wasted in God's eyes. That pressure is more than conscience, and something more than just caring. It's the Holy Spirit leading.
One day, I decided to make eye contact with strangers and smile. The second person I smiled at happened to be a homeless person. He asked for money. I rarely carry cash and told him I didn't have any to give, but since I was right outside a shopping center, I could buy him something from the store. We ended up walking to a Subway and he profusely thanked me over and over, saying he and his friend hadn't eaten in 3 days. I believed him to be sincere. I bought him three foot long sandwiches. He asked the sandwich maker to wrap them in 6-inch sections to make them last as long as possible. After we parted ways, I saw him give a sandwich to two other homeless people and they immediately started eating as if they were starving. It felt good to be bold and brave enough to have made the difference in that moment. I only wished I had mentioned Christ to them too.
Other times, I help because I can. Or because I want to. God enables me to see a need and I know He has blessed me to be able to give, and I want to make a difference. It's one way I worship God. Deciding who to help, isn't something I think about. I spend more time thinking about the right way to help rather than who.
For example, I know two women who are both in very poor living situations and poor financial circumstances. One breaks rules and begs others to provide for her needs with constant excuses for her situation. The struggles of life are present everyday in her appearance, slumped walk, and constant excuses and empty apologies. She has a good heart and I pray that she will someday escape the abuse she lives in. I fear that she will never climb out of her struggles until she learns that she is the one who must create the change to impact change on her circumstances.
The other, if she hadn't shared glimpses of her struggles, I would have never even thought she lived in the terrible circumstances that she does. She was eating only one meal a day, of a bowl of cereal. Imagine that. No one knew for three days until someone offered her an extra snack as a friendly gesture and she made a comment about how excited she was to have something other to eat than cereal...later admitting she was living off of one meal per day (a bowl of cereal). Another time, when her paycheck wasn't quite enough for a bill she had, she quietly and respectfully asked for a loan -just enough to cover the bill. She didn't ask for more and wouldn't accept more without determining to pay it back in full. I knew she had more needs than just what she was asking for...but she didn't want more.
Who do I help? Well, I help both actually. Because the tender heart God has blessed me with tells me that perhaps the first woman has been beaten down so efficiently that she sees no hope and has compromised her integrity to make ends meet. When I help her, I try hard to be supportive without enabling and without rescuing. I cannot solve her problems, I can only lovingly try to support her.
The second woman, I give to carefully, but my heart wants to shower her with help. But I must hold back because my intentions are to give in a way that allows her to maintain her dignity and does not cause her to stumble. She is making choices in her life to better herself and better her child's life, and I have a high respect for her. I know her life is very hard. I am proud of her determination.
It is a blessing to be able to give, and a responsibility to take seriously.
How do you decide who to help or how to help others?
Great question.
I thought about it and we talked it through. Most often, we give to those we have a passion for. Most people's charities are for a cause supporting something they or someone close to them has gone through. For me personally, I have a passion to directly impact lives. I could donate money to organizations, but my heart is to help those not involved in large organizations. To help those around me. Sometimes that I feel an inner urge or pressure to help someone else, like the homeless person on the corner, even though my gift could be wasted by that person, it is never wasted in God's eyes. That pressure is more than conscience, and something more than just caring. It's the Holy Spirit leading.
One day, I decided to make eye contact with strangers and smile. The second person I smiled at happened to be a homeless person. He asked for money. I rarely carry cash and told him I didn't have any to give, but since I was right outside a shopping center, I could buy him something from the store. We ended up walking to a Subway and he profusely thanked me over and over, saying he and his friend hadn't eaten in 3 days. I believed him to be sincere. I bought him three foot long sandwiches. He asked the sandwich maker to wrap them in 6-inch sections to make them last as long as possible. After we parted ways, I saw him give a sandwich to two other homeless people and they immediately started eating as if they were starving. It felt good to be bold and brave enough to have made the difference in that moment. I only wished I had mentioned Christ to them too.
Other times, I help because I can. Or because I want to. God enables me to see a need and I know He has blessed me to be able to give, and I want to make a difference. It's one way I worship God. Deciding who to help, isn't something I think about. I spend more time thinking about the right way to help rather than who.
For example, I know two women who are both in very poor living situations and poor financial circumstances. One breaks rules and begs others to provide for her needs with constant excuses for her situation. The struggles of life are present everyday in her appearance, slumped walk, and constant excuses and empty apologies. She has a good heart and I pray that she will someday escape the abuse she lives in. I fear that she will never climb out of her struggles until she learns that she is the one who must create the change to impact change on her circumstances.
The other, if she hadn't shared glimpses of her struggles, I would have never even thought she lived in the terrible circumstances that she does. She was eating only one meal a day, of a bowl of cereal. Imagine that. No one knew for three days until someone offered her an extra snack as a friendly gesture and she made a comment about how excited she was to have something other to eat than cereal...later admitting she was living off of one meal per day (a bowl of cereal). Another time, when her paycheck wasn't quite enough for a bill she had, she quietly and respectfully asked for a loan -just enough to cover the bill. She didn't ask for more and wouldn't accept more without determining to pay it back in full. I knew she had more needs than just what she was asking for...but she didn't want more.
Who do I help? Well, I help both actually. Because the tender heart God has blessed me with tells me that perhaps the first woman has been beaten down so efficiently that she sees no hope and has compromised her integrity to make ends meet. When I help her, I try hard to be supportive without enabling and without rescuing. I cannot solve her problems, I can only lovingly try to support her.
The second woman, I give to carefully, but my heart wants to shower her with help. But I must hold back because my intentions are to give in a way that allows her to maintain her dignity and does not cause her to stumble. She is making choices in her life to better herself and better her child's life, and I have a high respect for her. I know her life is very hard. I am proud of her determination.
It is a blessing to be able to give, and a responsibility to take seriously.
How do you decide who to help or how to help others?
Monday, March 2, 2015
Leadership.
Leadership.
Set apart by role.
Set apart by responsibility.
Set apart by power.
Set apart by assumption.
Set apart by fear.
Set apart by ignorance.
Set apart by character.
Lonely at the top.
Prioritize towards the bigger picture.
Constant decision making.
Answers to everyone.
Impossible to please all, fortunate to please any.
Hours are long.
Breaks are rare.
Salaries are higher as is stress.
Rewards are not monetary.
Fulfillment is directly impacting the world.
Relationships are key.
Boundaries must be upheld.
Flexibility for the inevitable exception to the rule.
Judgment pours down from all sides.
Assumption truly does what it says it will.
Attacks from those who do not receive their desired outcome in situations.
Careful balance of all third party pressures.
Constant weighing of cost vs. benefit.
Constant reinforcing of boundaries.
Constant teaching of purpose.
Constant teaching to uplift and encourage.
Constant balance between challenging a subordinate and rewarding.
Five to Ten year plan.
Goals are big.
Broken down into bite size pieces.
Constant unknown.
Constant inward battle.
Intellectual.
Compassion.
Personal feelings hidden by maturity.
Hidden by authority.
Hidden by responsibility.
Feelings are understood within and cherished privately.
Vulnerability cautiously and carefully shared.
Vulnerability can cause fear for those who rely on a Leader to be strong.
Vulnerability can connect.
Awareness that others are ultimately not concerned with you.
Only what you can do for them.
Selflessness required.
Self-sacrifice is natural.
Humility.
Honesty.
Integrity.
Willingness to be hated and still uphold the boundaries with the utmost integrity.
Ability to let go and watch, wait, and roll with the punches...you can count on them.
Set apart by role.
Set apart by responsibility.
Set apart by power.
Set apart by assumption.
Set apart by fear.
Set apart by ignorance.
Set apart by character.
Lonely at the top.
Prioritize towards the bigger picture.
Constant decision making.
Answers to everyone.
Impossible to please all, fortunate to please any.
Hours are long.
Breaks are rare.
Salaries are higher as is stress.
Rewards are not monetary.
Fulfillment is directly impacting the world.
Relationships are key.
Boundaries must be upheld.
Flexibility for the inevitable exception to the rule.
Judgment pours down from all sides.
Assumption truly does what it says it will.
Attacks from those who do not receive their desired outcome in situations.
Careful balance of all third party pressures.
Constant weighing of cost vs. benefit.
Constant reinforcing of boundaries.
Constant teaching of purpose.
Constant teaching to uplift and encourage.
Constant balance between challenging a subordinate and rewarding.
Five to Ten year plan.
Goals are big.
Broken down into bite size pieces.
Constant unknown.
Constant inward battle.
Intellectual.
Compassion.
Personal feelings hidden by maturity.
Hidden by authority.
Hidden by responsibility.
Feelings are understood within and cherished privately.
Vulnerability cautiously and carefully shared.
Vulnerability can cause fear for those who rely on a Leader to be strong.
Vulnerability can connect.
Awareness that others are ultimately not concerned with you.
Only what you can do for them.
Selflessness required.
Self-sacrifice is natural.
Humility.
Honesty.
Integrity.
Willingness to be hated and still uphold the boundaries with the utmost integrity.
Ability to let go and watch, wait, and roll with the punches...you can count on them.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
INFJ
Portrait of an INFJ - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
(Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Feeling)
The Protector
As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system. INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types. INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk. INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive. But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress. Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals. INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring. In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not. The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.| Jungian functional preference ordering: |
| Dominant: Introverted Intuition |
| Auxiliary: Extraverted Feeling |
| Tertiary: Introverted Thinking |
| Inferior: Extraverted Sensing *Copied and pasted directly from: http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html |
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