Bold Struggling Faith...Oxymoron?

I'm becoming bolder in my faith, which I find ironic.  My personality has always been to sit back and agree with the person speaking out for their faith, to avoid conflict at all costs, and to only speak when necessary.  Now I find myself speaking out to respected 'elders' (not that they are elderly, but my elders in age) to bring the Truth into focus.  I'm very open about my beliefs on social websites and the fear of persecution and suffering no longer detains me from speaking out.  It's also ironic because as I am becoming bolder in my faith, I have been going through some difficulties in my faith at the same time.

A new aspect of living with Cancer that my hubby and I are discovering are more subtle...changes in his hormones, dealing with depression, anger, fatigue...we are learning that as 'one' in our marriage, whatever negativity is going on in each others lives spiritually or emotionally has a huge impact on our spouse's ability to stay positive.  There are times when we aren't in the right frame of mind to discuss anything, but when we get to the point where we are both calm and open about what is going on, we not only grow closer to each other, but we find solutions and work together as a team to make things better.  God is so good, isn't he?  A good friend recently told me, "As bad as things get, they could always be worse.  As good as things are, they could always be better."  I liked that.

I would love your prayers for our family, marriage, and healing (spiritually and emotionally).  Dealing with these issues are more damaging than the cancer was.  I know the Lord is working through this also.  I wonder what He is doing and the awesome things that will come of this...

Wolves in Sheep's Clothing

2 Peter 2:1 "But there were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction."

This verse speaks of false teachers within the Church.  I've recently watched an overview of a seminar by a Texas Pastor, Justin Peters.  It is a 50 minute video available online at www.justinpeters.org.  Click on the "Call for Discernment" tab, and then click on "Watch Overview".  It uses Windows Media Play.

This video is an excellent and informative video on the "Word of Faith" movement and he uses scripture along with quotes of the well-known TV pastors who are false prophets and spreading a false Christianity on world-wide Christian television stations.

The WAR is WON!

2 Timothy 3:12 "Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution."
Ephesians 6:12 "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against the spriritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

I am acutely aware of Ephesians 6:12.  I don't always recognize it in the midst of the chaos of life situations, but when I take a moment to step back (sometimes with the help of others), it is so obvious.  For the past several months, I have been cautious about praying outloud.  A bit fearful to speak out loud my hopes, my fears, etc.  I did not want to give ammunition to Satan and his mercinaries.  They are not God and cannot read my thoughts...but any demonic presence near me could know what I write and say. 

In my lack of speaking out loud, I realized I was losing the closeness with my Holy Father.  Thoughts can get distracted and be irradic.  Praying out loud or even in writing helps me to organize my thoughts and focus them.  The newest lesson I am learning is a repeat.  It is one Satan likes to push out of the way and ignore.  THE WAR IS ALREADY WON!  When Jesus died on the cross and rose again, he defeated Satan once and for all.  Satan's fate is sealed.  He will never overpower God.  So he is left to deceiving human beings to prevent them from knowing the Joy of the Lord.  Dragging whoever he can get to believe him to the same judgement he will receive.

I will not be afraid of Satan or his demons.  My Saviour, JESUS CHRIST, is more powerful and able to save me from anything Satan or his demons tries to bring me down with.  Admittedly, being strong is not easy and I have ups and downs all the time.  No matter what battles I may lose, through Christ, I have won the war.

Kindergarten! Ahhh!

My baby goes to kindergarten tomorrow.  I'm thrilled and anxious at the same time.  She's been looking forward to this day for a long time now.  I know she is apprehensive, but very optimistic.  I know her teacher is a wonderful teacher.  She has a few friends already that she knows...

But my baby isn't my baby any more.  That is why Kindergarten is so sad.  She's entering into a new maturity, a new chapter of life and taking me along with her.  Even looking at our family picture from last Christmas, she has changed so much.  No longer the little girl with the chubby cheeks and dimpled elbows.  She has taken the look of a small girl...taller, wiser, more understanding of her world and others.

I'm thankful to her preschool teachers who have added so much to her life.  I'm thankful for the moments we've shared as a mom and daughter...those moments will not end, but they'll never be the same.  I know I have made many mistakes as a parent...what parent doesn't?  I thank God for filling in for my inadequacies and drawing my little girl close to Him.  She loves the Lord so much!

Limbo

I am still feeling oppressed.  I think I've resolved the frustration and anger I was feeling but I still feel like I'm in a state of...I can't think of the word...LIMBO!  That's the word!  ;-)

I don't feel God's presence even though I know he is here.  I don't like this place.  It is melancholy.  Not depressed, but a weight on the soul.  I'm listening to worship music.  It's reminding me of who I am in Christ and that is encouraging.  "You Are My Hiding Place" and "This Is The Air I Breathe" are the two recent ones I enjoyed.  Youtube.com is an easy way to find and save those songs that I love.  I will keep on keeping on.  I know my God will get me through this.  I will stay faithful, although a bit less energetic for the moment.  "You Raise Me Up" just came on.  How fitting!

Update:
I'm discovering how emotions effect my mood and my outlook on the moment/day.  Thankfully I can realize when my mood is being affected by how I feel in a situation and I can take some steps to change.  It isn't always easy!  Why can't life be easy?  Thankfully this day my hubby came through for me and supported me.  He's wonderful.

Under Attack

The stress of the past week got to me tonight.  Feeling so discouraged and angry.  Not having any control or ability to speak out about what was happening around me and to people I care about.  Then my husband gently reminded me...had I given it to God?  Had I let go or was I holding on?

It brought a whole new perspective to light.  Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

I prayed asking God to take my burden.  To remove it from me.  To enable me to let it go and not let it fester.  I am slowly feeling more at peace and more able to rest.  I prayed for those making the decisions that were wreaking havoc in my life.  I know I am not the only one being attacked lately.  I pray that we would be delivered and strengthened and our perspective would be His.

Mental Break

What a Monday it has been!  My entire morning at work has been dominated by others and surprise tasks.  As soon as I had a moment, I took the time to give myself a mental break.  I truly needed it and I needed to get into the Word.  When life is overwhelming, you must take care of yourself or you lose yourself.  That is what I have experienced in the past.

I've missed a couple days of my bible reading.  I spent one night just praying instead of reading and I really enjoyed that.  Time with God doesn't always have to be dictated by a "should".  Feeling obligated and responding to God out of obligation doesn't seem to draw us closer to Him.  Unfortunately, my bible got mistakenly misplaced while playing with my children and I missed a day of bible time for that reason and I found I missed my time reading when I wasn't able to read.

I opened my bible to one of my many place markers and found Luke 20:17-40.  I found many good tidbits in there, and just seeking God and His peace pushed that sense of mental chaos into submission.  It's amazing how just a few moments seeking him can change my whole outlook on my day.


Verse 18, Jesus is speaking about the cornerstone (himself): "Whoever falls on that stone will be broken; but on whomever it falls, it will grind him to powder."  We must be broken in order to let go of ourselves and trust in our God and Savior.
Verses 26 and 39, 40 shows the scribes response to Jesus' answers when they tried to test him and catch him.  "v.26 They marveled at his answer and kept silent"  "v.39-40 They said, 'Teacher, you have spoken well.' But after that they dared not question him anymore."

Jeremiah 29:13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

Submission & Power

I've made it through chapter 3 of my book about "Finding the Hero in your Husband".  That title is sneaky...so far this book is all about my role as a wife!  :)

It's interesting.  The second chapter was about the power wives have over their husbands.  It was a little weird to read since I don't like to think of myself as having power over someone, but the influence women have in such subtle ways can make or break a marriage.  This chapter about submission I thought, "Oh, I've already got this one in the bag...my mom was a good role model for being submissive as a wife."

Well, it was an eye opening chapter.  Yes, my mom was an excellent role model and her example has helped me get a step up.  No, I didn't have it all figured out!  It's true I'm not a dominating woman determined to overpower her husband and take charge of everything.  But I can be passive-aggressive and I have manipulated the influence I have over my husband to get my way...sorry, honey!

A godly wife is to complete her husband.  She was given different abilities for a purpose.  Husband's are not made to go it alone, but they are given the "veto power" of a marriage in decision making if their wives don't squash their confidence.  My goal is to figure out the areas in my unique relationship with my husband to see where I need to empower him and work to support him and let him lead.  I am quiet, but I often take the lead in my home instead of waiting for/asking my husband to lead.

The simple ways I can start are using "we" when talking about the decisions we make.  I want to pay attention to the words I say so that they are empowering to him as a leader and not overpowering to get what I think is best.  I need to let go of the reins in some areas of our life...that might be easier said than done!

Rolling on the Floor Laughing Out Loud!!!

I was sitting cross-legged on the floor with my kindergartener in my lap trying to sing our song for bed time.  She was being silly and not sitting still, so I pinned her legs in mine and she continued to struggle.  We were giggling and I was winning.  She started whining, "Ow! Ow! Ow! You're hurting me!"  I knew the hold I had wasn't firm enough to hurt, just to pin so I asked what was hurting and didn't let up.  She continued struggling and between her gasps of whining "ow!" and giggles she cried, "Your...your POLKADOTS are hurting me!"

I had the sudden lightbulb that my legs weren't exactly smooth shaven and I was pinning her with them...I just rolled!  I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long, time!