Two-Year CT Scan Day

In the midst of Christmas shopping, school events, work events, finishing my class, a graduation, 2 kid birthdays and trying to remember 2 other birthdays and some how we still have to fit in family pictures...we also will fit in a CT Scan (this morning) and follow up appointment with the oncology doctor (later this month).

How did life become so crazy?  None of these things are much in my control to plan or change.  They all have just happened.  Well, pictures is my fault.  I lost track of time in November when we usually do pictures.

We didn't get any news about the scan yet.  It usually takes a day or two to see remarks in the online account about his health.  We had our normal tradition of going with my hubby to his scan appointment and eating breakfast together afterwards.  For the first time, my youngest's prayer changed to a true request rather than just stating her hopes and likes of the day.  She prayed that God would not let Daddy get sick again.  So sweet and sad that she was thinking along those lines.  We didn't prompt it either.

I've been sensitive emotionally...maybe in part due to so much going on this month and having to get up so early this morning.  Walking down the hospital halls to the Radiology clinic brought back so many memories and emotions.  The nerves I had two years ago hoping the chemo had worked.  The memory of my little one serenading the waiting room with "Swing Low, Sweet Cherry-ot" when she was two...accompanied by sadness that one of her cutest moments was in a hospital waiting room while her daddy fought cancer.  There are memories of the numerous meals eaten at the hospital cafeteria.  And memories of why we keep the breakfast tradition.  When life is not guaranteed, you've got to make every event as positive and special as possible for your family.

We also ran into the Infusion scheduler and our favorite nurse who would administer the chemo drugs and joke around with us.  Maybe all the memories made it too close for comfort.  Maybe I'm still not done dealing with what we lived through...not done processing the emotions or the way life was lived then.  It is very odd because I don't feel emotional except when those memories pop up.  Then the emotion wells up and my eyes tear up and I feel the way I did so long ago.