The comic strips often portray a middle-aged man impulsively purchasing a brand-new car and going off on some wild and crazy adventure, while everyone around him shakes their heads and calls out "mid-life crisis".
Mid-life crisis can mean something different to everyone. It causes one to look at their lives and consider things like joy, purpose, worth, impact, etc. It causes one to consider where they are and where they are going.
You've been an adult for so many years now, and you have an uncertain, yet limited, number of years to come. It's natural to consider these things in life. Although, for those who are less likely to ponder, they may not understand those feelings of discontent and uncertainty about life and choices they make.
These past couple years have been a struggle for me. Demands on my time and my energy outweigh the time and energy I have for myself. It is part and parcel of being a mother of four, with one being in the toddler years. It is easy to lose yourself in the busyness of life. I needed to find me again. To be more than just mom, cook, and cleaner.
My prayer journal often consisted of me asking God for help, guidance, and direction in one way or another. He always comes through, and He always meets those needs in one way or another. But it does require a heart that is open to Him and looking for His leading. If I hadn't written those prayers and been able to re-read them, I would have missed noticing some of the unique ways that He answered my prayers.
My husband got tired of hearing me comment that I longed for some time to myself, time away from the kids. He couldn't comprehend it because he would, in a heartbeat, jump at the chance to be home with the kids day in and day out, rather than having to spend his time and energy on work.
Finding the right way to express myself was important. He needed to understand that although I love being a stay-at-home mom, that doesn't mean that it isn't hard. It doesn't mean that I don't love our kids. It doesn't mean that I'm taking his hard work for granted (so I can be home with them). I was just losing myself in the day to day demands, and my ability to keep it up was diminishing.
We had a good heart-to-heart conversation where we both were able to express some things to each other and explain misunderstandings. I had been stuck in my struggles and didn't realize my hubby was also dealing with some of his own struggles. Once we were able to reach that place where we understood each other, it made a world of difference!
It only happened because we have made a commitment to each other and to the Lord in our marriage. We have kept our hearts open to the Lord's leading, and also to each other. Having the hard conversations can be difficult; and being patient to wait for the right timing is important too.
I have changed some of the things I was/wasn't doing, and he has too. He makes a point to help me find time for myself. Whether intentional or not, he has also taken a more active role at home when he isn't working. I sure see him and appreciate him for it! God has put a good team together with the two of us when we can communicate and share compassion for each other.
As my little guy is outgrowing his toddler attitudes and developing more independence, I am finding it easier to carve out bits of time for me here and there. I've added a devotional for my own personal growth and I take advantage of any shopping trips or mom-taxiing as well. Sometimes I will send the boys to play in their room for a few minutes of peace and quiet.
Finding time for me is a work in progress. It can't come at the cost of others in my life, but it does mean making some changes, communication, and being real. I'm enjoying having the opportunity to do these things.
