Living the Journey

"...but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

I watched my daughter live out the words of this scripture. She recently gave herself a challenging goal to achieve.  We supported her and prayed for her.  We took the role of on-looker and cheerleaders as we let her journey this adventure.

Her anxiety reached new heights and she struggled to meet the requirements that came up along the way.  Still, she pushed herself to continue.  She struggled through each step until she had persevered to the finish line.

Unfortunately, reaching the finish line didn't end with the kind of success she had hoped for.  We are so proud of her.  She let herself be vulnerable.  She didn't let challenges stop her and she never quit, no matter how hard it got.  She didn't achieve the results she hoped for, but the lessons and the maturity she developed along the way are priceless!

We had discussions about trusting God with the outcome, and just living the journey He gave her to live.  We talked of open doors and closed doors, and accepting them.  And when the worst thing that could have happened did, she wasn't devastated or crushed.  She was thankful for the journey and the many things she learned along the way.

She learned more of who she is, what she likes, what things fit her personality and abilities best.  She learned more about trusting her Lord and Savior.  She learned some new skills that can be used in other situations.  She watched and felt God show up for her, even if the outcome wasn't the one she wanted.

She practiced perseverance.  She developed character, and that character showed her hope in her heavenly Father.

Lessons in Faith

 Through my husband's battle with cancer, I learned to finally choose to trust in the Lord for my future.

Through my unexpected pregnancy, I learned that God doesn't have to ask my permission.  He is in control.

Through homeschooling I learned that pride is also self-sufficiency.  True humility is surrender and submission to God.

In parenting I learned to give my best each day and trust that God gave my kids the mother they needed most in me.

To be Held

 Natalie Grant sings a song called “Held”.

It is a beautiful song of grief and the loving arms of the Lord in the midst of pain.

Tonight I grieve what may come.  Perhaps it is just emotions, and yet, I sense that God is in this, loving me in His perfect way that only He can.

I hear the melody of “Held” in my mind as I mourn and surrender to the Lord, what His will may be.  I pray for protection, for healing of the pain, and the ability to walk in faith, to walk in obedience.

Sorting out the past, truth from fiction

 With the death of my former boss, I debated internally whether or not I wanted to attend her memorial service.  I would have gotten to see some of my much-loved friends from those years of working together.  I also would have had to see people who have hurt me deeply.

I took it to the Lord in prayer about whether or not I wanted to go.  Ultimately, I had more peace in leaving the past in the past and not attending. Blogging was closure enough for me in dealing with the news of her death.  I expected more emotional moments, but I feel at peace with my relationship with her and how we last parted ways.  

In my prayer time, I also asked God to heal some of those wounds.  He revealed some truths to me that I needed to hear.  

We are studying Philippians at church, and our pastor went over a passage in chapter 2, and some interesting pieces of the study really stood out to me.  The theme of the first few verses is "Unity through Humility", speaking of the relationship believers should have together.  Verses 3 and 4 say, "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

It hit me because when I first took on the challenge of becoming director, I entered that role with a sincere humility.  I knew that it was a role I wasn't experienced enough for and that it would require divine intervention for me to accomplish.  When I interviewed with the church leadership, they barely glanced at my typed list of goals for my role as director.  My heart to be a servant leader, my heart of humility was viewed as a tactic to gain the job.  

God was revealing to me that there was already selfish ambition and sin already present.  His coming judgement was not caused by my failure.

He also reminded me that no leader is present without His allowing it.  My stepping into the director role wasn't me stepping out of God's will as I once thought.  

It wasn't my responsibility to fix the problems and make it all work either.  When God removed me from that position, He was saving me from myself and from the damage it was causing me.

He has answered all of my prayers perfectly.  His answers aren't always what I think the options are, and that is so wonderful.  His ways are not mine; they are so much better. They are exactly what my spiritual walk with Him needs for me to continue to grow and mature in my faith.  I praise Him for this!

Farewell to a fellow woman of faith

I just learned that my former boss of 13 years passed away.  

Of all the possible feelings, I mostly just feel acceptance.  Other feelings may pop up as my brain processes the information over the next several days, if past experience counts for anything.

She was a good and loving boss.  

She drove me bonkers.

I appreciated her greatly, yet she stretched my tolerance and my patience on a daily basis.

She cared for others with the full love of Christ.  She knew no strangers and never acknowledged any subtle boundaries of others at any time.  You had to be direct or your boundary wasn't perceived.  Her extroverted personality was oblivious to the passing of time or other responsibilities that needed her time and attention too.

I learned much from serving under her.  I was grateful for her constant support and fighting for better wages and more respect for her employees.  She did many things that made her very loved by her staff.

She was pushy and loud, yet never missed a chance to witness to anyone and everyone who crossed her path.  Every interview she conducted included the gospel message and a heart-to-heart with the unsuspecting interviewee.  She had the privilege of praying the prayer of salvation with many parents who brought their children to our childcare center.

Her final two years as my boss, myself and her administrative assistant served as her hands and feet, her mental stability, and we ran all aspects of the business with her at the helm delegating everything possible to us, with the exception of the personal interactions she was so gifted in.

Several times in our time together, we thought God might be calling her home.  Her health was always in question.  More times than I can remember, I was with her at the hospital or racing to get her some orange juice because her blood sugar had dropped incredibly low again.

Never a dull moment. 

I remember a bible study that she led, a verse about how wide, how deep, and how far God's love was.  It was her heart's prayer to experience God's love and share it to that degree.  Finally, she gets to experience it live, and in-person.  I can see her joyfully praising her Lord and Savior with all of her being up in Heaven.

Proverbs 31 Woman

 This chapter can be intimidating, but I think it is a beautiful portrayal of a woman who strives to be her best for the Lord.  A portrayal of a regular woman, not a perfect woman on a pedestal that we have to try to emulate, but an honest, down-to-earth description of the ways she strives to do her best and be the woman God has created her to be.

As I read verses 10-31, I jotted down some paraphrases of the verses and here is the message I found the Lord sharing with me:

1.  Her husband's heart trusts in her.  She does him good and not harm. (this speaks to the relationship between this husband and wife)

2. She uses her skills and hard work to provide and support for the needs of her family that God has given her responsibility for.  (the gifts and talents God has given her, for the specific needs she is responsible for)

3.  She travels as necessary to feed her family.  (she goes the distance, puts others first)

4.  She rises early to meet their needs. (like feeding them a nutritious breakfast)

5. She uses her resources to further the benefit to her family and she follows through to see something to fruition.

6.  She works on herself and doesn't give in to laziness, or give up on her efforts when the going gets tough. (her character, her relationship with the Lord, all areas of her life)

7. She's not afraid of hard work and works alongside others. (doing what it takes, humbly)

8. She is gracious and generous with what she has.

9.  She is not afraid, she knows the Lord provides...He gives her strength and dignity.

10. Her words are wise and kind.

11.  She is a woman who fears the Lord.