We successfully survived Christmas I would say. An all clear from the CT Scan brought a sigh of relief, our oncologist appointment is next week. The big family Christmas get-together was on Christmas Eve. It was nice to get it done and we had a good day. Then we had our own little family celebration on Christmas day with eggs and bacon for breakfast followed by two days of hanging out in our pajamas.
It has been a good week off from work, although it hasn't been totally work-free. I think I have to be out of town for that to happen...maybe this summer. My hubby and I had a little spat early in the week about the one thing we always struggle with...housework. Somehow in our many years of marriage we have still to find a way to work together where we are both satisfied with the outcome. We had a great conversation and I had a good cry with him. We don't really fight...it's always more of a passive-aggressive behavior where one of us leaves a task for the other to do and they do the same...never works. We also have different priorities when it comes to housework. I hate dishes and laundry, dusting and filing papers. I love to clean while rearranging...it's the only time I truly dust. I know, that's gross, but true. He has his own ideas of what should be the priority for the time we spend and it isn't rearranging. :0)
Anyway, we got through the issues and have had a good vacation. I've spent much of it organizing the house and of course, rearranging -with my hubby's blessing! I read a blog written by a Christian woman who literally took all her children's toys away from them and stores what she kept in the attic, only allowing her children to use certain things at a time. I didn't take my kid's toys away, but I did use my Christmas money to buy bins for the built-in shelves in their closets. Now the majority of their toys are safe and out of reach. They can take down whatever they want to play with, but must clean it up before they start playing with anything else. Having their toys organized and out of reach helps to enforce this habit! I am very excited. Ideally, they will clean their rooms each night before bed, but that may be pushing it too far knowing how busy we get on school nights.
I've also re-claimed our master bedroom from the piles of laundry and other odds and ends that seem to wind up hiding out in our room. It looks like a real bedroom again! I was telling my husband that I wanted to create a place where I could read my bible and spend time with God, but wasn't sure how. He suggested we move my secretary desk to the bedroom and get an artist's desk for the basement. He also suggested we rearrange the basement to share the large desk we have so I can still have a place for my laptop. !!!!Yes, he does love me and know me!!!! The artist's desk was one of those "someday" dreams for me. Something I wanted to do, but never really thought possible in the here-and-now. I have my work cut out for me in sorting through my boxes of stuff in the basement to make room, but I am so excited to not only have a space to do my art again, but to also be so supported by my hubby!
Friday, December 27, 2013
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Two-Year CT Scan Day
In the midst of Christmas shopping, school events, work events, finishing my class, a graduation, 2 kid birthdays and trying to remember 2 other birthdays and some how we still have to fit in family pictures...we also will fit in a CT Scan (this morning) and follow up appointment with the oncology doctor (later this month).
How did life become so crazy? None of these things are much in my control to plan or change. They all have just happened. Well, pictures is my fault. I lost track of time in November when we usually do pictures.
We didn't get any news about the scan yet. It usually takes a day or two to see remarks in the online account about his health. We had our normal tradition of going with my hubby to his scan appointment and eating breakfast together afterwards. For the first time, my youngest's prayer changed to a true request rather than just stating her hopes and likes of the day. She prayed that God would not let Daddy get sick again. So sweet and sad that she was thinking along those lines. We didn't prompt it either.
I've been sensitive emotionally...maybe in part due to so much going on this month and having to get up so early this morning. Walking down the hospital halls to the Radiology clinic brought back so many memories and emotions. The nerves I had two years ago hoping the chemo had worked. The memory of my little one serenading the waiting room with "Swing Low, Sweet Cherry-ot" when she was two...accompanied by sadness that one of her cutest moments was in a hospital waiting room while her daddy fought cancer. There are memories of the numerous meals eaten at the hospital cafeteria. And memories of why we keep the breakfast tradition. When life is not guaranteed, you've got to make every event as positive and special as possible for your family.
We also ran into the Infusion scheduler and our favorite nurse who would administer the chemo drugs and joke around with us. Maybe all the memories made it too close for comfort. Maybe I'm still not done dealing with what we lived through...not done processing the emotions or the way life was lived then. It is very odd because I don't feel emotional except when those memories pop up. Then the emotion wells up and my eyes tear up and I feel the way I did so long ago.
How did life become so crazy? None of these things are much in my control to plan or change. They all have just happened. Well, pictures is my fault. I lost track of time in November when we usually do pictures.
We didn't get any news about the scan yet. It usually takes a day or two to see remarks in the online account about his health. We had our normal tradition of going with my hubby to his scan appointment and eating breakfast together afterwards. For the first time, my youngest's prayer changed to a true request rather than just stating her hopes and likes of the day. She prayed that God would not let Daddy get sick again. So sweet and sad that she was thinking along those lines. We didn't prompt it either.
I've been sensitive emotionally...maybe in part due to so much going on this month and having to get up so early this morning. Walking down the hospital halls to the Radiology clinic brought back so many memories and emotions. The nerves I had two years ago hoping the chemo had worked. The memory of my little one serenading the waiting room with "Swing Low, Sweet Cherry-ot" when she was two...accompanied by sadness that one of her cutest moments was in a hospital waiting room while her daddy fought cancer. There are memories of the numerous meals eaten at the hospital cafeteria. And memories of why we keep the breakfast tradition. When life is not guaranteed, you've got to make every event as positive and special as possible for your family.
We also ran into the Infusion scheduler and our favorite nurse who would administer the chemo drugs and joke around with us. Maybe all the memories made it too close for comfort. Maybe I'm still not done dealing with what we lived through...not done processing the emotions or the way life was lived then. It is very odd because I don't feel emotional except when those memories pop up. Then the emotion wells up and my eyes tear up and I feel the way I did so long ago.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Balance in Keeping Christ the Focus
I'm seeking to understand/find a balance between being too "religious" and just keeping God the focus of life. I do not want to be legalistic, something that I can easily fall into. I've witnessed that being too strict in religion pushes others away from Jesus, but I don't want to invite trouble either by being too lenient in exposing my children to the world.
My daughter loves a princess cartoon on television. The problem is that it has a sorcerer on the show with spells and gems with supernatural powers. On the other hand, it is a show that supports being kind and respectful to others. The protective mom inside me wants to put my kiddos in a bubble and protect them from the world. But I know that keeping them ignorant isn't good for them either. One day they will face the world on their own without me and they need to be prepared. So the questions are: How much do we allow them to be exposed to? How much do we allow them to participate in? How do we prepare them without stumbling them?
She had recently selected a book about the princess from her school book order form and expressed her disappointment when she didn't receive that book in her order. I had intentionally not ordered the book because it came with an amulet like the princess uses to speak to animals. I explained to her why that I didn't order the book because it was all about magic and if we rely on magic too much, we sometimes stop relying on God. I could tell it was a subject that she wasn't quite mature enough to understand and after talking it over with my hubby, we decided that instead of banning the princess character from our home, that we would allow certain things and be careful where it led. So, on our shopping trip I picked out two books with the princess character in them and allowed my daughter to choose one in place of the one she didn't get from her book order. She was so excited and it was a good story about friendship and didn't include any supernatural themes, so we both got what we wanted!
My daughter loves a princess cartoon on television. The problem is that it has a sorcerer on the show with spells and gems with supernatural powers. On the other hand, it is a show that supports being kind and respectful to others. The protective mom inside me wants to put my kiddos in a bubble and protect them from the world. But I know that keeping them ignorant isn't good for them either. One day they will face the world on their own without me and they need to be prepared. So the questions are: How much do we allow them to be exposed to? How much do we allow them to participate in? How do we prepare them without stumbling them?
She had recently selected a book about the princess from her school book order form and expressed her disappointment when she didn't receive that book in her order. I had intentionally not ordered the book because it came with an amulet like the princess uses to speak to animals. I explained to her why that I didn't order the book because it was all about magic and if we rely on magic too much, we sometimes stop relying on God. I could tell it was a subject that she wasn't quite mature enough to understand and after talking it over with my hubby, we decided that instead of banning the princess character from our home, that we would allow certain things and be careful where it led. So, on our shopping trip I picked out two books with the princess character in them and allowed my daughter to choose one in place of the one she didn't get from her book order. She was so excited and it was a good story about friendship and didn't include any supernatural themes, so we both got what we wanted!
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Lessons being Learned
I am still considering the things my 'charismatic' friend has been sharing. The part I struggle with is that he feels personally responsible if a prayer for healing doesn't take effect right away, he believes his faith is what is lacking. I believe God heals in present time and I believe that Believers have the power through the Holy Spirit to bring healing to others...I just don't have peace about it all being based on the 'strength' of one person's faith. God used illness and health-related trials many times in the bible as a way to bring glory to himself, and from personal experience I know how a trial through health struggles can strengthen a relationship with God. So I will continue to ponder these things until I sort them out in the Word between the Lord and myself.
One of the biggest changes I wanted to make as a new leader of my organization was to improve communication. That simple goal has become such a huge learning curve for me. Number one, I have always avoided communicating because I am not an eloquent speaker and I don't always think quickly. Number two, communication is directly related to creating and maintaining relationships with others...another area I have always avoided in life as a way of protecting myself. And so, here I am...solely responsible for a million dollar company's day-to-day management and I have never developed/maintained solid relationships before (aside from my husband). Boy, am I learning a lot!!!
I spent an entire 5 hours of my work day yesterday simply "communicating". I communicate to relay information about upcoming changes, to learn about the perspectives of others, to ask permissions, to give directions, and in helping my employees resolve conflict. In every decision I make, there are several parties to communicate in order to ensure things continue to flow smoothly. Sometimes I simply cannot keep up with the intricate thought processes to keep the communication going. I tell my assistant, "I don't have enough time in my day to think about all these issues, let alone communicate to every single person every time." I am learning that the majority of a leader's work is to make decisions, communicate those decisions, and then explain and address issues and questions that result from those decisions. Sometimes I miss the days of hiding away behind my desk buried in the paperwork I did as an assistant. Now I must delegate that joy to someone else so I can be the leader God has called me to be.
On the home front we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. We've gone through a phase of fatigue and poor time management and now we are sticking to some better routines that helps the kids get their homework done earlier in the evening and allows more time to play and enjoy dinner together. Housework is still a work in progress, but after a day off I was able to make a huge dent in our main living areas and so far have kept it clean and less cluttered than before. My oldest has lost all of her front teeth leaving a 4-tooth gap on the top and a lisp when she talks. It was fun to witness because she had to re-learn how to drink liquids and eat her food without her teeth. :0)
One of the biggest changes I wanted to make as a new leader of my organization was to improve communication. That simple goal has become such a huge learning curve for me. Number one, I have always avoided communicating because I am not an eloquent speaker and I don't always think quickly. Number two, communication is directly related to creating and maintaining relationships with others...another area I have always avoided in life as a way of protecting myself. And so, here I am...solely responsible for a million dollar company's day-to-day management and I have never developed/maintained solid relationships before (aside from my husband). Boy, am I learning a lot!!!
I spent an entire 5 hours of my work day yesterday simply "communicating". I communicate to relay information about upcoming changes, to learn about the perspectives of others, to ask permissions, to give directions, and in helping my employees resolve conflict. In every decision I make, there are several parties to communicate in order to ensure things continue to flow smoothly. Sometimes I simply cannot keep up with the intricate thought processes to keep the communication going. I tell my assistant, "I don't have enough time in my day to think about all these issues, let alone communicate to every single person every time." I am learning that the majority of a leader's work is to make decisions, communicate those decisions, and then explain and address issues and questions that result from those decisions. Sometimes I miss the days of hiding away behind my desk buried in the paperwork I did as an assistant. Now I must delegate that joy to someone else so I can be the leader God has called me to be.
On the home front we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. We've gone through a phase of fatigue and poor time management and now we are sticking to some better routines that helps the kids get their homework done earlier in the evening and allows more time to play and enjoy dinner together. Housework is still a work in progress, but after a day off I was able to make a huge dent in our main living areas and so far have kept it clean and less cluttered than before. My oldest has lost all of her front teeth leaving a 4-tooth gap on the top and a lisp when she talks. It was fun to witness because she had to re-learn how to drink liquids and eat her food without her teeth. :0)
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Stretching
This year I hired the first male in the history of our program (at least that anyone can remember). When he opens his mouth, the Lord just falls out over everything. He is very "charismatic". He thinks of himself as normal and doesn't want to be labeled, but understands many Christians don't have the same understandings he does. He's been encouraging me, prophesying about my life and praying healing for anyone who is willing. I don't discount his faith, but I'm not sure if I totally get it. I have never experienced faith like his and it is intriguing and unknown.
He tells me I will have a son. He tells me a change is coming in my life where God may move me out of the job I am in to something that will bring much more joy. Those things are unsettling to me. I don't spend my time worrying about them or wondering what it all means, but it is strange. I am willing if God does those things, but I don't know what to think about it to tell the truth. I pray that those ideas do not distract me from what God has me doing here and now.
The good part is that listening to where he gets his beliefs (all biblical), drive me into the Word also to see for myself what may or may not be God or a correct interpretation. He believes solidly that we are called to be like Jesus, to do what Jesus did and have faith like Jesus taught. He knows his new testament very well.
He tells me I will have a son. He tells me a change is coming in my life where God may move me out of the job I am in to something that will bring much more joy. Those things are unsettling to me. I don't spend my time worrying about them or wondering what it all means, but it is strange. I am willing if God does those things, but I don't know what to think about it to tell the truth. I pray that those ideas do not distract me from what God has me doing here and now.
The good part is that listening to where he gets his beliefs (all biblical), drive me into the Word also to see for myself what may or may not be God or a correct interpretation. He believes solidly that we are called to be like Jesus, to do what Jesus did and have faith like Jesus taught. He knows his new testament very well.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Finding a Way
Life continues to be a journey, it always will be. I was able to participate in a workshop for people new to my position and it was very inspiring and encouraging. I gained several good tips and ideas, and most of all a purpose. I'm now working on articulating my vision for my workplace. As leader, whatever succeeds, I play an important part in. Whatever fails, I play an important part in. My 'work church' as I call it, is focusing on spending more time in prayer lately and I think that is a good place to be.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Updates
Our 21 month cancer check up was this past month. All the blood work came back normal, physical side effects are reducing. His hands still swell with physical labor and times of stress, but the swelling he used to get with his feet and ankles doesn't occur as often or as bad as it used to. He still experiences fatigue, but life has been stressful lately too, so we aren't sure if it is just a side effect or other life issues. It was a happy day!
In other cancer news, my friend who has inspired and encouraged me when my hubby was going through chemo is not going to win her battle here on earth. I am sad for her to have to say goodbye to her son, to not get to see him grow up. I'm sad she is leaving and happy that she will soon have relief and pure joy with the Lord in Heaven.
Professionally I have ups and downs. I've had a very productive week, clearing many piles from my desk...I actually have a desk again! I feel more caught up and able to get things done than I ever have before as Director. I still face the self-doubt and the stress of dealing with the enormous responsibilities I have. I have been trying to have faith in the words, "If my God is for me, who can be against me?" (Psalm 119).
In other cancer news, my friend who has inspired and encouraged me when my hubby was going through chemo is not going to win her battle here on earth. I am sad for her to have to say goodbye to her son, to not get to see him grow up. I'm sad she is leaving and happy that she will soon have relief and pure joy with the Lord in Heaven.
Professionally I have ups and downs. I've had a very productive week, clearing many piles from my desk...I actually have a desk again! I feel more caught up and able to get things done than I ever have before as Director. I still face the self-doubt and the stress of dealing with the enormous responsibilities I have. I have been trying to have faith in the words, "If my God is for me, who can be against me?" (Psalm 119).
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