Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The struggle in the wait...

Waiting on the Lord is such a different way of life to me.  I am used to stressing about all the decisions for my tomorrow's and worrying over whether or not I made the right choices that day.  Basically, analyzing and second-guessing everything.

Now, I am trusting God for my tomorrow's.  I am realizing that second-guessing myself only hurts me.  It's okay to review my day and note choices that I could have done better and note specific ways I could do better next time, but it isn't okay for me to stress over the unknown possibilities or results of some choices.  It has been said and done, for better or worse that day.  There is only repentance, forgiveness and learning.  Not giving into condemning myself for mere possible negative results.

I'm finding that being in this place of resting in the Lord has opened me up to new attacks on my peace in God.  I am now facing discouragement and self-doubt in ways I never had before.  I have more insecurities than I ever imagined.  I am vulnerable because I am refusing to take control from God.  Vulnerability allows the Lord to reach me when I read his word and look for him in my situations.  I notice so much more the involvement he has in my life.  I also notice more all my defects.  Reminding myself of the promises of God and how he thinks of me is so important now.  I need that reassurance and to remember his perspective because mine is flawed.  It is what gets me past the attacks of insecurity and doubt and focuses me on the Lord.

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