I'm seeking to understand/find a balance between being too "religious" and just keeping God the focus of life. I do not want to be legalistic, something that I can easily fall into. I've witnessed that being too strict in religion pushes others away from Jesus, but I don't want to invite trouble either by being too lenient in exposing my children to the world.
My daughter loves a princess cartoon on television. The problem is that it has a sorcerer on the show with spells and gems with supernatural powers. On the other hand, it is a show that supports being kind and respectful to others. The protective mom inside me wants to put my kiddos in a bubble and protect them from the world. But I know that keeping them ignorant isn't good for them either. One day they will face the world on their own without me and they need to be prepared. So the questions are: How much do we allow them to be exposed to? How much do we allow them to participate in? How do we prepare them without stumbling them?
She had recently selected a book about the princess from her school book order form and expressed her disappointment when she didn't receive that book in her order. I had intentionally not ordered the book because it came with an amulet like the princess uses to speak to animals. I explained to her why that I didn't order the book because it was all about magic and if we rely on magic too much, we sometimes stop relying on God. I could tell it was a subject that she wasn't quite mature enough to understand and after talking it over with my hubby, we decided that instead of banning the princess character from our home, that we would allow certain things and be careful where it led. So, on our shopping trip I picked out two books with the princess character in them and allowed my daughter to choose one in place of the one she didn't get from her book order. She was so excited and it was a good story about friendship and didn't include any supernatural themes, so we both got what we wanted!
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Lessons being Learned
I am still considering the things my 'charismatic' friend has been sharing. The part I struggle with is that he feels personally responsible if a prayer for healing doesn't take effect right away, he believes his faith is what is lacking. I believe God heals in present time and I believe that Believers have the power through the Holy Spirit to bring healing to others...I just don't have peace about it all being based on the 'strength' of one person's faith. God used illness and health-related trials many times in the bible as a way to bring glory to himself, and from personal experience I know how a trial through health struggles can strengthen a relationship with God. So I will continue to ponder these things until I sort them out in the Word between the Lord and myself.
One of the biggest changes I wanted to make as a new leader of my organization was to improve communication. That simple goal has become such a huge learning curve for me. Number one, I have always avoided communicating because I am not an eloquent speaker and I don't always think quickly. Number two, communication is directly related to creating and maintaining relationships with others...another area I have always avoided in life as a way of protecting myself. And so, here I am...solely responsible for a million dollar company's day-to-day management and I have never developed/maintained solid relationships before (aside from my husband). Boy, am I learning a lot!!!
I spent an entire 5 hours of my work day yesterday simply "communicating". I communicate to relay information about upcoming changes, to learn about the perspectives of others, to ask permissions, to give directions, and in helping my employees resolve conflict. In every decision I make, there are several parties to communicate in order to ensure things continue to flow smoothly. Sometimes I simply cannot keep up with the intricate thought processes to keep the communication going. I tell my assistant, "I don't have enough time in my day to think about all these issues, let alone communicate to every single person every time." I am learning that the majority of a leader's work is to make decisions, communicate those decisions, and then explain and address issues and questions that result from those decisions. Sometimes I miss the days of hiding away behind my desk buried in the paperwork I did as an assistant. Now I must delegate that joy to someone else so I can be the leader God has called me to be.
On the home front we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. We've gone through a phase of fatigue and poor time management and now we are sticking to some better routines that helps the kids get their homework done earlier in the evening and allows more time to play and enjoy dinner together. Housework is still a work in progress, but after a day off I was able to make a huge dent in our main living areas and so far have kept it clean and less cluttered than before. My oldest has lost all of her front teeth leaving a 4-tooth gap on the top and a lisp when she talks. It was fun to witness because she had to re-learn how to drink liquids and eat her food without her teeth. :0)
One of the biggest changes I wanted to make as a new leader of my organization was to improve communication. That simple goal has become such a huge learning curve for me. Number one, I have always avoided communicating because I am not an eloquent speaker and I don't always think quickly. Number two, communication is directly related to creating and maintaining relationships with others...another area I have always avoided in life as a way of protecting myself. And so, here I am...solely responsible for a million dollar company's day-to-day management and I have never developed/maintained solid relationships before (aside from my husband). Boy, am I learning a lot!!!
I spent an entire 5 hours of my work day yesterday simply "communicating". I communicate to relay information about upcoming changes, to learn about the perspectives of others, to ask permissions, to give directions, and in helping my employees resolve conflict. In every decision I make, there are several parties to communicate in order to ensure things continue to flow smoothly. Sometimes I simply cannot keep up with the intricate thought processes to keep the communication going. I tell my assistant, "I don't have enough time in my day to think about all these issues, let alone communicate to every single person every time." I am learning that the majority of a leader's work is to make decisions, communicate those decisions, and then explain and address issues and questions that result from those decisions. Sometimes I miss the days of hiding away behind my desk buried in the paperwork I did as an assistant. Now I must delegate that joy to someone else so I can be the leader God has called me to be.
On the home front we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. We've gone through a phase of fatigue and poor time management and now we are sticking to some better routines that helps the kids get their homework done earlier in the evening and allows more time to play and enjoy dinner together. Housework is still a work in progress, but after a day off I was able to make a huge dent in our main living areas and so far have kept it clean and less cluttered than before. My oldest has lost all of her front teeth leaving a 4-tooth gap on the top and a lisp when she talks. It was fun to witness because she had to re-learn how to drink liquids and eat her food without her teeth. :0)
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Stretching
This year I hired the first male in the history of our program (at least that anyone can remember). When he opens his mouth, the Lord just falls out over everything. He is very "charismatic". He thinks of himself as normal and doesn't want to be labeled, but understands many Christians don't have the same understandings he does. He's been encouraging me, prophesying about my life and praying healing for anyone who is willing. I don't discount his faith, but I'm not sure if I totally get it. I have never experienced faith like his and it is intriguing and unknown.
He tells me I will have a son. He tells me a change is coming in my life where God may move me out of the job I am in to something that will bring much more joy. Those things are unsettling to me. I don't spend my time worrying about them or wondering what it all means, but it is strange. I am willing if God does those things, but I don't know what to think about it to tell the truth. I pray that those ideas do not distract me from what God has me doing here and now.
The good part is that listening to where he gets his beliefs (all biblical), drive me into the Word also to see for myself what may or may not be God or a correct interpretation. He believes solidly that we are called to be like Jesus, to do what Jesus did and have faith like Jesus taught. He knows his new testament very well.
He tells me I will have a son. He tells me a change is coming in my life where God may move me out of the job I am in to something that will bring much more joy. Those things are unsettling to me. I don't spend my time worrying about them or wondering what it all means, but it is strange. I am willing if God does those things, but I don't know what to think about it to tell the truth. I pray that those ideas do not distract me from what God has me doing here and now.
The good part is that listening to where he gets his beliefs (all biblical), drive me into the Word also to see for myself what may or may not be God or a correct interpretation. He believes solidly that we are called to be like Jesus, to do what Jesus did and have faith like Jesus taught. He knows his new testament very well.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Finding a Way
Life continues to be a journey, it always will be. I was able to participate in a workshop for people new to my position and it was very inspiring and encouraging. I gained several good tips and ideas, and most of all a purpose. I'm now working on articulating my vision for my workplace. As leader, whatever succeeds, I play an important part in. Whatever fails, I play an important part in. My 'work church' as I call it, is focusing on spending more time in prayer lately and I think that is a good place to be.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Updates
Our 21 month cancer check up was this past month. All the blood work came back normal, physical side effects are reducing. His hands still swell with physical labor and times of stress, but the swelling he used to get with his feet and ankles doesn't occur as often or as bad as it used to. He still experiences fatigue, but life has been stressful lately too, so we aren't sure if it is just a side effect or other life issues. It was a happy day!
In other cancer news, my friend who has inspired and encouraged me when my hubby was going through chemo is not going to win her battle here on earth. I am sad for her to have to say goodbye to her son, to not get to see him grow up. I'm sad she is leaving and happy that she will soon have relief and pure joy with the Lord in Heaven.
Professionally I have ups and downs. I've had a very productive week, clearing many piles from my desk...I actually have a desk again! I feel more caught up and able to get things done than I ever have before as Director. I still face the self-doubt and the stress of dealing with the enormous responsibilities I have. I have been trying to have faith in the words, "If my God is for me, who can be against me?" (Psalm 119).
In other cancer news, my friend who has inspired and encouraged me when my hubby was going through chemo is not going to win her battle here on earth. I am sad for her to have to say goodbye to her son, to not get to see him grow up. I'm sad she is leaving and happy that she will soon have relief and pure joy with the Lord in Heaven.
Professionally I have ups and downs. I've had a very productive week, clearing many piles from my desk...I actually have a desk again! I feel more caught up and able to get things done than I ever have before as Director. I still face the self-doubt and the stress of dealing with the enormous responsibilities I have. I have been trying to have faith in the words, "If my God is for me, who can be against me?" (Psalm 119).
Friday, September 20, 2013
'Perfect' Blogging Mood
Life continues to be an overwhelming balance of survival and striving to get ahead...to improve with each roll of the waves that push backwards as life moves forward. This week was a challenging one. At work we had two nights of a first-time event. I would deem it successful, but also a learning process. I worked a good 50 hours this week and the mind-numbing exhaustion is pulling at me.
At home it was another challenge to keep up with the housework...well, we didn't keep up. My hubby's medication is on a nationwide shortage and his energy was an all time low since chemo. He'd come home from work and take a two hour nap. One night he fell asleep during dinner. Thankfully he was able to get his prescription today so I am hopeful for a relaxing and restful weekend.
Through it all I am again learning to continue to rely on my Lord. Seeking Him and trusting in His promises and faithfulness brings a comfort and a peace to the chaos of my life right now. I have the thought that I am still not as moldable as the Lord would prefer me to be in the ministry He has placed me. I am called to be where I am, doing what I'm doing. Of that I am confident. Letting go of the reigns of life to the Lord is something I have always struggled to do. I used to stubbornly clench them in my fists and refuse to let go. Now I find myself unconsciously playing with the reigns in my hands, not intentionally trying to steer my life, but unsure of how to live without a hand on the reigns, I don't quite know what it is to completely let go...and perhaps these struggles are teaching me how, little by little. Walking in faith is so much more difficult when you can't let go of yourself, your hurts, and your self-trust.
It was surprising to discover how deep wounds can go. I knew it stressed me to think of talking to the person who hurt me, but when I did, I just wasn't able to do more than formalities. The hurt was too strong to try to talk without showing it was difficult. This person wants to maintain our former friendship and I just don't know if it is possible. I don't think I harbor any anger or hard feelings. I just can't pretend everything is okay and there hasn't been a good opportunity to hash out what happened to see if the relationship can be repaired.
On the plus side, the Lord continues to show His faithfulness. Even though this struggle feels overwhelming, I am surrounded by great support and my children are happy and we are continuing to improve being WITH each other. My hubby and I are continuing to grow together as a couple and as parents. God is Good. ALL the time. No matter what.
At home it was another challenge to keep up with the housework...well, we didn't keep up. My hubby's medication is on a nationwide shortage and his energy was an all time low since chemo. He'd come home from work and take a two hour nap. One night he fell asleep during dinner. Thankfully he was able to get his prescription today so I am hopeful for a relaxing and restful weekend.
Through it all I am again learning to continue to rely on my Lord. Seeking Him and trusting in His promises and faithfulness brings a comfort and a peace to the chaos of my life right now. I have the thought that I am still not as moldable as the Lord would prefer me to be in the ministry He has placed me. I am called to be where I am, doing what I'm doing. Of that I am confident. Letting go of the reigns of life to the Lord is something I have always struggled to do. I used to stubbornly clench them in my fists and refuse to let go. Now I find myself unconsciously playing with the reigns in my hands, not intentionally trying to steer my life, but unsure of how to live without a hand on the reigns, I don't quite know what it is to completely let go...and perhaps these struggles are teaching me how, little by little. Walking in faith is so much more difficult when you can't let go of yourself, your hurts, and your self-trust.
It was surprising to discover how deep wounds can go. I knew it stressed me to think of talking to the person who hurt me, but when I did, I just wasn't able to do more than formalities. The hurt was too strong to try to talk without showing it was difficult. This person wants to maintain our former friendship and I just don't know if it is possible. I don't think I harbor any anger or hard feelings. I just can't pretend everything is okay and there hasn't been a good opportunity to hash out what happened to see if the relationship can be repaired.
On the plus side, the Lord continues to show His faithfulness. Even though this struggle feels overwhelming, I am surrounded by great support and my children are happy and we are continuing to improve being WITH each other. My hubby and I are continuing to grow together as a couple and as parents. God is Good. ALL the time. No matter what.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Spiritual High
Heavenly Father I give all of me to you. Move in my life and I will follow. Your humble servant, I earnestly seek you and wait on you. You are Almighty God and you and you alone know me, know my heart, and know my path. Encourage and uplift me. Enable me to be a light, to be a lamp shining your light. I praise you and I am filled with gratitude for your faithfulness, your understanding and your compassion. In your Son's name, Amen.
Here I am, barely a three weeks after I first learned of the pending changes in our administration at work. I have felt every type of emotion in this circumstance. It was obvious as events played out that this circumstance was orchestrated by God. I didn't understand what He was doing. I couldn't rationalize what had occurred to cause these events, but yet they were happening and it was somehow God's purpose and His will for me.
This process of saying goodbye...to a loved co-worker, to a way of doing things, and to whatever understanding I had of what God was doing...was difficult. There were feelings of betrayal, feelings of discouragement, self-doubt, helplessness, and overwhelming responsibilities to be sorted out. Knowing that God's hand was directing it all brought a measure of comfort and reminded me to "Let Go and Let God". I did let go, as much as I humanly could and I pray that He will enable me to grow stronger and better through this.
Today ends our first week as a duo in the office. It has been increasingly encouraging. We are able to handle much more with less stress than I originally thought we could. Yes, I'm still behind in work, yet considering what we've come through, we are doing quite well. The stress level has actually decreased.
On the home front, my prayers are changing perspective. I noticed that in my journals I often pray wearing hats. Specifically prayers as a mom and prayers as a working woman in authority. Now I am striving to pray as just me. A woman after God's own heart no matter what hat she is wearing. I want God to make me complete...as complete as I can be while still here on earth. It is nice to not be feeling that the waves of life are overtaking me any more. It's still a rough sea to navigate, but with the Lord's help I feel safe and secure in Him.
Here I am, barely a three weeks after I first learned of the pending changes in our administration at work. I have felt every type of emotion in this circumstance. It was obvious as events played out that this circumstance was orchestrated by God. I didn't understand what He was doing. I couldn't rationalize what had occurred to cause these events, but yet they were happening and it was somehow God's purpose and His will for me.
This process of saying goodbye...to a loved co-worker, to a way of doing things, and to whatever understanding I had of what God was doing...was difficult. There were feelings of betrayal, feelings of discouragement, self-doubt, helplessness, and overwhelming responsibilities to be sorted out. Knowing that God's hand was directing it all brought a measure of comfort and reminded me to "Let Go and Let God". I did let go, as much as I humanly could and I pray that He will enable me to grow stronger and better through this.
Today ends our first week as a duo in the office. It has been increasingly encouraging. We are able to handle much more with less stress than I originally thought we could. Yes, I'm still behind in work, yet considering what we've come through, we are doing quite well. The stress level has actually decreased.
On the home front, my prayers are changing perspective. I noticed that in my journals I often pray wearing hats. Specifically prayers as a mom and prayers as a working woman in authority. Now I am striving to pray as just me. A woman after God's own heart no matter what hat she is wearing. I want God to make me complete...as complete as I can be while still here on earth. It is nice to not be feeling that the waves of life are overtaking me any more. It's still a rough sea to navigate, but with the Lord's help I feel safe and secure in Him.
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