Peace and TGIF!!!

The past few weeks have been full of ups and downs.  My last posting was during a time of struggle in my job and in my personal life.  Thankfully, my youngest's enlarged lymph node was caught in time and the super strong antibiotics have dramatically decreased its size to nearly back to normal.

A friend of mine lost her baby, my co-worker lost her daddy, my pastor's son is in a coma, and it felt like everywhere I turned was somebody struggling.  My boss -I am so thankful for him!- noticed that I was struggling and has ordered me to take a few days off surrounding a weekend and to make sure that at least one night I send my kiddos to a babysitter to spend time with my hubby.  Who has a boss like this?!  I can only give glory to God for having such a godly supervisor and one who notices and cares about the truly important things.  I am looking forward to my "vacation" and didn't realize how much it was needed.

Knowing that my boss ordered me to take time off because he didn't want me to burn out (rather than my job being in jeopardy like I first thought), really helped my mental outlook as I continued to deal with the ongoing issues at work and home.

At work, we were losing clients left and right.  Not for bad reasons at all, but still, it really hurts our business.  I had teachers who were struggling and places where their personalities were changing and just not the right fit any more and when I placed ads to hire more employees, the resumes came in very sparse.  It seemed as if God was removing His blessing from our program and I wasn't sure why.  Part of me wondered if it was the staff not being obedient.  The other part of me asked God to show me if I played a role in it.  He showed me a new perspective on some things and an area where I had made some choices that didn't please Him.  It felt really good to understand those things and make them right by confessing the errors of those choices I had made and by seeing things in a more godly perspective.

Working through the struggles got a little easier with that revelation.  And then in just the past 2-3 days, God has also worked out some amazing solutions to our staffing issues at work and the peace of knowing that piece is solved for the moment is so nice!  The personality struggles and minor complications have all been re-worked and nearly everyone is now happy or eagerly awaiting things to take place.  We are still praying that God brings us new clients, but in the meantime I haven't had to lay anyone off and I have been able (with God's help) to find solutions to making sure this slow-down in business doesn't hurt the program.  Watching God work is so amazing!

I'm tired, I'm worn, my heart is heavy...

That's how I felt today, just completely burdened with the weight of responsibility that I bear.  I don't want to give Satan too much credit, but it felt as if he was just hammering down on me the past few days, whether those around me weren't being obedient to God, or perhaps I had something unknown to me that was hindering me, I'm not sure.

I had a good cry, albeit a short one, in the office today.  It helped a lot.  Haven't had a good cry like that in a long time.  There is just so many little things going on and going wrong that it gets overwhelming.  I am thankful for my wonderful co-workers who buttered me up with chocolates and love.

My youngest is currently at the ER (hopefully on their way home soon) with her daddy while I am waiting to hear what happened.  Just before we put her to bed she was complaining that her neck hurt and we noticed a large, hard mass where her lymph node is supposed to be under her jawbone.  Of course, it brings up fears of cancer, but it is more likely an infection of some sort.  We shall see.

Being up this late I am definitely tired.  I am chaperoning a field trip tomorrow -that will be interesting...I think God did tell me not to commit to that one, or at least that it wasn't the wisest of decisions.  I know -I make my own schedule and it is a busy one this week!  Always learning as I go.  I don't know that I will ever have it all figured out...nah, this world is too crazy for that to happen!

Faith: In Reality

It seems my blogging self is back!  It is late at night so I am, of course, more reflective and analyzing my thoughts.  I don't quite know where to begin with all that is in my head at the moment.

I work closely with two very wonderful women.  We are all different as can be, but yet the same in so many ways.  I am the 'boss' and they are my support, my team.  All of us are at different places in our spiritual journey and it amazes me the way we feed and support each other.  We share a love and a closeness, friendship, that I have never shared before with other women.  I cannot fathom how this happened to me...just by God's power I guess.

All my struggling to remain in God's will and not allow myself to stray away the past several years, I suppose that can be called walking in faith.  Faith In Reality.  I am seeing a culmination of events and growth in my life, things that have come into place in ways I could never have imagined.   This is most definitely not the end of my spiritual journey with Christ, but it seems to be a new level.  A new depth and something so much more than just myself.  Maybe I am growing out of the beginner Christian stage of development where things were about me and God, to a place where it becomes more of a place about God and me and the surroundings He has placed me in.

This is neat.  This is new.  A little awesome to consider.  Where are you taking me, Lord?

Bummer Deals

Today has come with lots of sad news.  The baby of a friend of mine who has been in the hospital since birth has just been diagnosed with some severe defects in her lungs and airway.  The next step is a trach while the doctors decide just how to proceed.  The trach may or may not be a permanent fixture. :(  This news comes about a week after they thought she was on the road to going home with mom and dad.

Then my friend who lost a leg to cancer, has finished a several-month-long chemo treatment for a side-effect of the cancer she beat, is currently in the hospital due to low platelet counts and fever.  It is scary because when she first learned of the side-effect issue, they told her she may only have 5 years to live and I desperately want to see God use the light she shares much longer than that.  She has a 13yr old son also.

And on the home front, my honey finally looked up his last test results for his hormone levels.  He was feeling so good on the injections, he delayed taking them to see if his body might be making more hormones on its own.  He dreams of one day getting off the injections.  The results showed the lowest levels he has ever tested.  Those dreams are dashed to the ground.  Unless God chooses to heal this, bi-monthly injections are a forever part of his life.  This news is not surprising, nor shocking, but to face that reality isn't fun.

I know God is at work.  I know I am being tested.  By the grace of God I survived a full on spiritual attack at work in the form of a very angry client yesterday and now it seems there is an emotional thing happening today.  Yesterday I rejoiced regardless of the attack because it was so amazing to see God working in my job and the lives of those around me.  The emotional attack is a little different.  It takes me into a quiet place inside myself where I look to the Lord to help me find the truth of the situation despite how I might feel about it...

Awesome God

It never ceases to amaze me, the ways God works in my life.  Ways I never dared ask or hardly dream.  I was looking to hire a simple clerical person to help with data entry part time.  Did God send me someone?  You betcha!!!

He sent someone who can not only take on those minor time-consuming tasks, but someone who can do so much more!  He sent me a confidant, someone with experience who I can look to for ideas, guidance, and affirmation.  He knows my needs and dreams so much better than I do, it is unreal. 

God is doing something, I don't know what, but I can't wait to find out!

What is God doing in my life?

You know, I'm not entirely sure.

Not by strength, nor by power

I'm finding that staying close to the Lord is the only way I can survive the responsibilities I have been given.  When my quiet times with God get neglected, that is when work seems overwhelming and I am more absent with my family at home.  When I am honest and upfront with God and strive to develop that relationship, then I seem to fly on unseen wings of grace through even the toughest situations and when I am home, I am much more present and able to forget about the stresses of the day.  I don't know what I would do if I were attempting to wear all these hats in my own power.

Zechariah 4:6 "...Not by strength or by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD..."