Accepting God's Answers

I have always wanted a son.  I was afraid of daughters before I had them because I am anything but girly and feared my ability to bring them up acceptably for society (seems silly now).  Before my husband was diagnosed with cancer, I was determined that another child (preferably a boy) would be part of our future.  I wanted another child so much that I was convinced we needed one to be a complete family.  I couldn't imagine our family without adding one more member, even if it was another girl (grin).

Once cancer became part of our lives I was happy just to have my husband alive.  We faced the possibility of not being able to have future children of our own.  I grieved, I cried over the loss of a child I hadn't even conceived yet.  We talked with the surgeon before surgery that if worse came to worse, a healthy husband was far more important than protecting the possibility of future children.

Thankfully, having more children is still possible, but our thoughts toward expanding our family have drastically changed.  Instead of needing more children, it is something that we both would like, but isn't necessary to be happy.  In light of our changing world I wonder about the wisdom in having more children...this bible verse makes me wonder:
Matthew 24:19 "How dreadful will it be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers!"


Our children have always been planned.  Recently we thought an unplanned pregnancy had begun...it hadn't, but there is no denying that my hopes immediately shot high in the sky!  An unplanned baby would be a pure blessing from God that He specifically planned without us intentionally purposing to have a child.  Learning that I wasn't pregnant was disappointing, but still okay.  It served to teach me how much I still would like to be a mother again, but also in the reality of the circumstances of our life right now, I can be perfectly content not having other children.  God is still in control.  He knows what is best for us.

This time his answer is, "Not now, wait."  or "No."  I don't know the future, but as I live through this I am reminded of the blessings I have in the family I love so much already.  There are perks to not having to go through pregnancy and babyhood again, but I know in my heart, like my mother, I would always joyously welcome another addition despite any challenges it might bring.