This past week has been such a struggle. It was the first week of our 2nd round of chemo. Five days of treatment in a row. It affected him the first day this time and symptoms were worse than last time. He wasn't feeling well at all the last part of the week. I started getting overwhelmed mentally with responsibilities and with little time for myself or quality time with my husband. He was just too sick. He needed more, the children needed more, I needed more and I had no more to give.
God has been working on me through this process. He is teaching me to let go of all these things that dominate my mind...the should's and why-can't-I's and this-needs-that-needs...and so on. I am learning to accept help on all fronts. That I cannot do this on my own...even with depending on my relationship with the Lord. I need the body of Christ to lift me up too. I need to accept the help and support others offer, even when it is hard for me.
He reminded me to go to church...I hadn't gone since chemo started. He used conversations with others to remind me to find solace in His Word. I'd been reading Job (and understanding it better this time) and had started Jeremiah, but He drew me to verses that would encourage me and remind me of Him.
Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given."
The positive side of things is that we are over 1/3 of the way done with treatment! We have received a lot of support and have many who love us and are praying for us. I thank each and everyone of you for all you are doing!
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