Highs and Lows

Another week has passed and more highs and lows have taken place.  High emotions run in my family.  I've noticed them in my grandpa, my father, myself and my oldest daughter.  We're a sentimental bunch and emotions can easily overwhelm us.

Yesterday I would have described my emotional state as depression.  I thought about blogging in the midst of it, but I know from past experiences that those times come and go.  I didn't want my irrational frame of mind to say something that I might regret later.  Usually when I get past a very low point, the concerns weighing me down don't seem so big the next day.

Yesterday I felt like my world was heading down a dead-end road, and I was almost there.  My job is affecting me at home.  I'm bringing home work and the mental stress of work.  My husband's physical complications have increased with the illnesses our family has been dealing with.  Our home is the epitome of the word "pigsty".  There is piles of laundry.  Piles of dirty dishes.  A kitchen floor that should have ben swept 2-3 times over.  Clutter is everywhere.  The sad and embarrassing part is that even though I hate looking at it, I had no energy or motivation to do much about it.  For the first time in my life, I have stooped to a new low.

Being emotional, but practical, I don't often make rash decisions.  I do, however, replay stress in my head trying to figure it all out.  Is this a true issue or do I need a perspective change?  Is the job really too much?  Is it really the job or is it how I am handling it (meaning spiritually)?  Do I really need to change my job or do I need to change something in me?

Asking those questions can be overwhelming too.  So I cried.  I took a nap.  I soaked in a hot bath.  And my wonderful husband gave me space to do it in.  Today I am improved.  Still considering those questions in my mind, but not in the "depths of despair".

I accomplished 2 loads of dishes and did some cleaning in the basement today while I listened to church online (my cold still getting me down physically). Progress for now.  :0)