Re-reading the last post, I noticed in the ways I coped with being bummed...did you notice it too??? I didn't mention going to God for help.
When depressed I did write a couple sentences in my prayer journal basically telling God, "I need help." In those high-emotion times, it is so hard to humble myself to the Lord. My selfish, woe-is-me attitude prevents me from letting go of myself to receive from God. The times we need Him most are the times we run away.
When I'm emotional and clinging to the selfishness of my troubles, I'm longing for a rescuer. Someone to come and coddle me, make it all better, and take care of things for me. It is those times that I give up and feel so incredibly lost.
The next day I wasn't so depressed, but still struggled. I had a scheduling issue and wasn't finding any answers to solve my problem. I got frustrated and angry. I absolutely hate not having control when something is effecting me negatively. I chose to go to God with it, although I sure didn't go humbly. I vented in my journal to Him. I complained about the continuous struggles and how I was tired of dealing with them. Not long after that, I soon had the solution I needed, without any additional work. That was humbling. God followed through despite my bad attitude.
I had to go back and apologize to God. It seems no matter how much I convince myself I am trusting Him, I still am impatient and easily angered to have to wait on Him. Ironically, when I was honest to God about how I felt and venting to Him, I felt closer to Him than when I am trying to be the "good girl" and have dedicated quiet time. It made me realize that there is still a level of pride within me and I am not truly honest with God or even myself sometimes.
If I may, God wants the reality of you in all of your "rawness". The idea that we should be able "tough out" our trials is false teaching. As you learn to walk with Him, being your real self (crankiness and all), you will come to the place where you trust Him in situations that others don't or can't.
ReplyDeleteFor example, I have friends who, at times, won't talk to God civilly until they come to an understanding with Him about their circumstances. And, it is through a combination of their growing in their process and Him revealing Himself to them that they reach that point. The key is, do we keep Him intimately involved in our process even when we are mad at Him?
I like that. Thank you!
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