God Speaks

This last week was a 4-day work week because of the President's Day holiday.  It felt like a 6-day work week.  Thursday night I was so exhausted mentally, physically, and even spiritually.  I felt like I was living through a never-ending battle.  Each and every day was a struggle to fill the gaps in the scheduling at work with teachers having life struggles, many out sick including myself, and subs who weren't available.  My husband was sick, my children were fighting illness, I was recovering...I just wanted to give up.  I wanted to bury myself in a hole and cry.  My attitude was struggling and I suppose the only positive thing I can say about myself is that I kept going to God. 

I have a note I wrote myself as a reminder and a motivator on my desk:  "I'm looking forward to our time together. ~Jesus".  Having that visible every day helps me remember to turn to Him.  I wrote journal prayers like I always do, even if they were short.  I begged God for help, for wisdom, for rest, for answers, for peace, and for a better attitude.  He drew me to 2 Timothy, a chapter mentioned in church that the Junior High Ministry had recently studied at a retreat.  These are the two verses that stuck out to me and have really helped me:

2 Timothy 4:18  The Lord will rescue me from every evil work and will bring me safely into His heavenly kingdom.  To Him be the glory forever and ever! Amen.

2 Timothy 4:17  But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me...

I needed those words.  They boosted my heart and my spirit.  God answered my prayers.  Most of my struggles will continue for the next few weeks, but He is providing for me.  We haven't gone a day where I wasn't able to fill the gap, even if it had to be me.  Today was a blessing because even though several of my employees weren't feeling well, they helped to stand in the gap.  As a reward and a much needed break, we are cancelling our normal monthly after-hours meeting.  We all need the time.

Walking in Faith...or attempting to!

Work is going through a transition period.  One full time teacher is leaving and two of my part-timers (a married couple) are moving on to follow the Lord's leading in their lives and ministry.  I've had some good interviews and can still see the light at the end of the tunnel, although it sometimes seems faint.

We continue to be short-staffed with illness going around and an employee out on maternity leave.  God always provides, even if I am helping in a classroom instead of focusing on my work.  I struggle to keep a positive attitude some mornings, and I just keep reminding myself of His promises and giving them up to Him.  Today I had just prayed about having a good relationship with each of my girls and I snapped at one in frustration today...bummer deal.  I need a "date" with my girls.  God willing, there will be a season of rest coming soon!

At home things are going well.  I've started another blog that is a more professional side of me, one that I feel more comfortable as being non-anonymous.  :0)  I've gotten more into Pinterest, not just for projects I'd like to accomplish in my home, but I like the blogs of other women I find there too.  Some of those women who have a serious blog-career are so gifted.  I really like perusing their blogs for ideas and tips that I can use in my own life.  Most of them are stay at home moms and blogging is a way for them to make an additional income while raising their children.  It is rare to find one from a working mom and I've never found one from the viewpoint of a childcare professional, so I am stepping out into the realm of blogging to try my hand at it since I love to write and love to share what I have learned.  I'm not searching for income right now, but if God grows it in that direction, an added bonus!  Perhaps one day these two blogs will end up combining into one.  For now, though I will keep them separate.  Happy hump day.

Superbowl Anyone?

This year's super bowl was a huge disappointment.  Only one team showed up and it wasn't my family's team...  :(   Oh well, just a game, right...well, if you're a die-hard football fan, don't answer that!

The rest of my weekend has been pretty great.  After a really difficult month being short-staffed and employees pretending they don't know our policies, I am looking forward to starting the interview process this next week, and relieved at an answer to prayer. 

It wasn't even a prayer I had spoken or formed words for, but it solved a dilemma I wasn't sure how to fix.  One of my employees and I have struggled off and on the past few months.  Her perspective didn't match with mine and my attempts to help her become more of a team player failed.  She ended up turning in her notice and I was surprised at the peace that filled me when I received her resignation.  I had hoped to work through the challenges with her and see her become a strong part of our team, but I guess God has other things in mind.

Our first staff meeting of the month was also this week and I really felt good about it.  I shared my vision for our program, some of the changes coming up and expectations I have for how our program will run.  I know it was received well by some, others I think will accept the changes as they come.  It was one of the first meetings where I was strong as a leader on my own, not depending on anyone and being very clear about what I expected. 

At church this weekend, it felt like icing on the cake.  My hubby wasn't able to join us as he wasn't feeling well, and even though I was alone, I was happy to be in the presence of the Lord and glad for my children to be in Sunday School.  The sermon was on prayer and that is a topic I haven't really focused on much before.  I enjoyed the tidbits and when we got home, my hubby talked about getting on the prayer chain email list and praying as a family.  That is uber exciting to me!

New Beginnings...Literally

Well, God is making changes in my world and I'm trying to keep up.  My other goal this year is to sincerely seek God and listen to hear from Him to guide me.  It's quite the challenge.  Sometimes I have a great quiet time and other times I feel like I am just reading words on a page and talking to the wall.  I know that last sentence is not true, even if it feels true.  I long to hear directly from the Lord and feel a little lost in how to truly seek Him.

My God-sent friend and close teammate at work had to resign her position this month due to life circumstances that prevented her from continuing to work at our program.  I miss her dearly, but we remain good friends and are keeping in touch thankfully!  She was my biggest supporter and the first person to truly allow me to be the boss, she could have easily taken over things or pushed an agenda through, but she never did.  She always deferred to me and allowed me to discover the strength inside of me.  The season we had together was wonderful.  I learned so much and now we embark on a new chapter of the journey.

I am now in the process of hiring a new teammate, and I have to admit it is a little scary.  I have just posted the advertisement and so far the three applicants are not what I'm looking for...we shall see what lies in store!

Happy New Year!

2014 is so far a good year, although it has only just begun!  I have a better understanding of my abilities (strengths and weaknesses) and also what I can do in the time each day holds.  With a mostly organized home, our days have been pretty good the past week.  Tomorrow marks the first day with all of us back to work and the kids back to school.  This next week will be the true test!

I've started pulling my art things out again, but I still have to deal with my piles of junk and paper clutter that I moved out of the way to put up my new art desk.  The pile is overwhelming and so I haven't really done more than look at it disparagingly.  The basement clutter, our kitchen and the bathroom are the main areas of our home that I haven't organized yet.  Perhaps that will be a goal to accomplish over the course of this year.

With 2-years of being in remission from cancer under our belts, blood-work and check-ups are now at every 6-months.  My hubby still suffers from some of the effects of chemo, but I think it is safe to say that cancer is no longer a major part of our thoughts.  His remaining issues consist of: life-long hormone replacement injections, occasional swelling of his hands and feet, a slight change in his vision (he notices a difference in how well he perceives things visually), slight hearing loss (we don't notice it much), and sometimes he feels more absent minded than he used to be.  Some of these may improve over time and they may not.  However, aside from the swelling and injections, they do not have any major impact on our daily lives.

A personal goal of mine is to get healthy this year.  Not a resolution because I never keep resolutions and I really haven't felt like 2014 is anything other than another day I get to live.  I have gained a good 7-10 pounds over the course of the last year and don't fit well into my clothes.  I also notice more pain when I am rearranging because my body is so out of shape.  I don't diet, never have.  Being blessed with good genes as far as being small-framed and a good metabolism, I've never worried about my weight.  But with gaining weight easier, a higher stress job, and getting older I do need to make some changes.

I am planning on reducing my sugar intake, making an effort to be more active, and reducing portion sizes to begin with.  I don't want to set a specific goal or action plan because I don't want to feel obligated or down if I mess it up. It needs to be a part of how I live my life or I'll never stick to it.

My other personal goal is to make God a priority.  I want to hear from Him about who He is and what He wants for my life.  I don't want to take answers from others, I want more of Him!

Tis the Season

We successfully survived Christmas I would say.  An all clear from the CT Scan brought a sigh of relief, our oncologist appointment is next week.  The big family Christmas get-together was on Christmas Eve.  It was nice to get it done and we had a good day.  Then we had our own little family celebration on Christmas day with eggs and bacon for breakfast followed by two days of hanging out in our pajamas.

It has been a good week off from work, although it hasn't been totally work-free.  I think I have to be out of town for that to happen...maybe this summer.  My hubby and I had a little spat early in the week about the one thing we always struggle with...housework.  Somehow in our many years of marriage we have still to find a way to work together where we are both satisfied with the outcome.  We had a great conversation and I had a good cry with him.  We don't really fight...it's always more of a passive-aggressive behavior where one of us leaves a task for the other to do and they do the same...never works.  We also have different priorities when it comes to housework.  I hate dishes and laundry, dusting and filing papers.  I love to clean while rearranging...it's the only time I truly dust. I know, that's gross, but true.  He has his own ideas of what should be the priority for the time we spend and it isn't rearranging.  :0)

Anyway, we got through the issues and have had a good vacation.  I've spent much of it organizing the house and of course, rearranging -with my hubby's blessing!  I read a blog written by a Christian woman who literally took all her children's toys away from them and stores what she kept in the attic, only allowing her children to use certain things at a time.  I didn't take my kid's toys away, but I did use my Christmas money to buy bins for the built-in shelves in their closets.  Now the majority of their toys are safe and out of reach.  They can take down whatever they want to play with, but must clean it up before they start playing with anything else.  Having their toys organized and out of reach helps to enforce this habit!  I am very excited.  Ideally, they will clean their rooms each night before bed, but that may be pushing it too far knowing how busy we get on school nights.

I've also re-claimed our master bedroom from the piles of laundry and other odds and ends that seem to wind up hiding out in our room.  It looks like a real bedroom again!  I was telling my husband that I wanted to create a place where I could read my bible and spend time with God, but wasn't sure how.  He suggested we move my secretary desk to the bedroom and get an artist's desk for the basement.  He also suggested we rearrange the basement to share the large desk we have so I can still have a place for my laptop.  !!!!Yes, he does love me and know me!!!!  The artist's desk was one of those "someday" dreams for me.  Something I wanted to do, but never really thought possible in the here-and-now.  I have my work cut out for me in sorting through my boxes of stuff in the basement to make room, but I am so excited to not only have a space to do my art again, but to also be so supported by my hubby!

Two-Year CT Scan Day

In the midst of Christmas shopping, school events, work events, finishing my class, a graduation, 2 kid birthdays and trying to remember 2 other birthdays and some how we still have to fit in family pictures...we also will fit in a CT Scan (this morning) and follow up appointment with the oncology doctor (later this month).

How did life become so crazy?  None of these things are much in my control to plan or change.  They all have just happened.  Well, pictures is my fault.  I lost track of time in November when we usually do pictures.

We didn't get any news about the scan yet.  It usually takes a day or two to see remarks in the online account about his health.  We had our normal tradition of going with my hubby to his scan appointment and eating breakfast together afterwards.  For the first time, my youngest's prayer changed to a true request rather than just stating her hopes and likes of the day.  She prayed that God would not let Daddy get sick again.  So sweet and sad that she was thinking along those lines.  We didn't prompt it either.

I've been sensitive emotionally...maybe in part due to so much going on this month and having to get up so early this morning.  Walking down the hospital halls to the Radiology clinic brought back so many memories and emotions.  The nerves I had two years ago hoping the chemo had worked.  The memory of my little one serenading the waiting room with "Swing Low, Sweet Cherry-ot" when she was two...accompanied by sadness that one of her cutest moments was in a hospital waiting room while her daddy fought cancer.  There are memories of the numerous meals eaten at the hospital cafeteria.  And memories of why we keep the breakfast tradition.  When life is not guaranteed, you've got to make every event as positive and special as possible for your family.

We also ran into the Infusion scheduler and our favorite nurse who would administer the chemo drugs and joke around with us.  Maybe all the memories made it too close for comfort.  Maybe I'm still not done dealing with what we lived through...not done processing the emotions or the way life was lived then.  It is very odd because I don't feel emotional except when those memories pop up.  Then the emotion wells up and my eyes tear up and I feel the way I did so long ago.