My hubby goes for his first post-surgery CT scan next week. We're not expecting to find anything. In fact, I'm expecting that it comes back normal. I'm ready to move on with life, away from the cancer drama. There's always a small part of me that worries, that nagging voice of the "what if's". God knows. He knows what is to come. The "what if" voice cannot become louder than my trust in the Lord.
Sometimes I think I get prideful in my faith. That sounds like an oxymoron. But it is true. I get prideful at times with how well I turned to God in the journey of cancer. But it wasn't me. I have to say it, to ingrain it in my brain...my faith comes from the Lord. It is not my own ability that allowed me to trust fully in Him. I learned a lot about faith. I learned a lot about setting my own ideas aside to let God work it out His way. Sometimes I want to preach it to the world about what I have learned...but hey, I'm still in this journey. I have not figured it all out. I am still living in this sinful world. My pride likes to say, "You learned the big lesson, now coast through the rest of your life." My heart tells me, "You've learned a big lesson, what's next? How will God put it to use in your life?"
I haven't been taken to Heaven yet, so as long as I am here on earth, God has work for me to do. What is it? I don't know yet. I know I have places in life where I need to improve, and I don't know how it will happen, but with God's grace, I will learn. I'm afraid of the next trial I'll have to go through...but at the same time I know faith in Christ will grow me through it.
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