Foundations

The CT scan was today.  I didn't go to it.  I can't do anything but sit there anyway, but I wish I would have gone just to keep him company.  The report came back quickly with nothing significant in it.  We have to wait to hear from the doctor to be for sure.  The radiologist isn't a cancer professional and may not have noticed the things the doctor knows to look for.  It is good news for now...I need to hear the doctor's confirmation before I rejoice fully.

Faith is still my rock.  It is unmoving even though I could be overwhelmed in anxiety right now.  I am thankful for the faith God has grown in me.  It is hard to allow thoughts of cancer to invade my mind again.  I want to reject them and push them out of my life forever.  I am not afraid of cancer returning.  I don't think it will, but I don't want to be stupid and believe it can't.  It can, will God allow it?  I pray not!!!

I didn't always have this unmoving rock of faith behind me.  I didn't always trust God to hold me through hard times.  I didn't trust that he always has my best interests...because I thought perhaps my own ideas of my best interests were better than his.  There comes a point where you have to decide who you will trust.  Your judgement or God's.  I choose God's.  My life is not in my own hands.  Yes, I make choices each day, but even if I make the perfect choice every single time, would that stop cancer?  No.  Life is not controlled by human hands.  I'd rather put my trust in a God who loves me and has a plan for me than let life just happen.  I can't prove God's existence.  I am not good at debating the argument of why a person should choose God. 

All I know is the peace that surrounds me when I put my trust in Him.  There is a light in the darkness and I choose to follow that light rather than try to make my own.  Faith has changed my life permanently and I will never go back.