Still Denial? or Disbelief is more like it.

I think I must deal with grief differently than others.  I've almost been excited since we found out we start chemo next week.  That sounds awful...I'm glad to have a plan and something to prepare for.  It is still very, very strange because my hubby is still looking and feeling quite well.  Everything will change next week.

I have researched and made my To Do lists and started a grocery list of items we'll need.  I plan to clean my house, but I struggle finding the motivation...it really doesn't seem so bad, but for someone going through chemo, it would be better if it were much cleaner.

The stress level has increased at home and at work.  I know I'm going to be missing time at work so I feel bad for taking normal breaks.  I got irritated easily today.  Probably due to the stress and perhaps the grief process too.  I haven't bargained with God since I was a child, and I know better than to try that now.  I focus on trusting His will is the best thing for me and my family...whatever outcome that means.

People are coming out of the woodwork, so to speak, and offering ways to support us that we never imagined.  Offers to babysit our children for free, offers of a listening ear and shoulder to cry on, we've already received 2 sympathy cards with a lovely sentiment and some small shopping cards.  It makes me cry and I'm so appreciative.  I know it is going to be really hard, but I won't know how hard until it gets there.

We've got an appointment tomorrow to go over the chemo schedule, our girls have an appointment to get their flu shot, I need to get one too as soon as they are available, we have a minor surgery on Friday to get a "Port" implanted, and still a ct scan to schedule by Friday.  Today is already Wednesday.  Life is changing rapidly and I'm swimming in the new terminology of the medications we may use and how to prepare while I'm attempting to still work and go to all the appointments.  BTW, a port will allow him to get his infusions with out getting stuck for an IV each day.  It will stay in until after the chemo is complete.

Well, I've got a date with my man tonight for some of our shows on netflix.  Good night!