Sometimes He calms the storm, other times He calms His child

The CT scan was today.  We went as a family.  When my hubby went back for the scan, the children and I waited in the waiting room.  My youngest stood up on a chair in the waiting room and serenaded the people waiting in the waiting area.  She sang, "Swing low, sweet chariot, comin' for to cherry me home!" over and over.  It was the first glimpse of God's touch in our lives, making a stressful morning less stressful.  My hubby returned to tell me that they had to do an IV, they had attempted the scan without the dye, but needed a clearer view.

Normally, it takes the absolute best of the best to get an IV into one of my husband's veins.  When he was in the hospital for surgery it took 3 attempts each time to get one going.  Our second glimpse of God's provision was that he allowed the person to get the IV started on the first try.

Results came quickly.  Enlarged lymph nodes.  We feared the worst and hoped we were wrong.  Again God was at work.  Our doctor was out of the office until next Monday.  They were able to contact the doctor and he took the time to check the results, personally call my husband and start the process for further testing.  The cancer is back.

It is still very surreal.  The barrage of tests won't begin until next week.  We have at least this one weekend to be a normal family, knowing that once the work week starts again, our lives will change forever once more.  The cancer is very responsive to chemo therapy and likely curable.  Going through this won't be easy.  For whatever reason, God is not calming the storm of cancer, but he is calming his children...us. 

Even before I heard the confirmation of cancer, I had it out with God.  I told him that I was giving it all to him.  All I have is his.  Whatever he wills, I accept.  I asked for the strength to endure this trial.  I asked for his protection for myself and my loved ones.  My children, my husband, myself...the illness, the tests, the waits.  I don't fear the outcome.  I fear the journey.  I need to trust in Him to lead me through step by step.  He did last time, He will again.  It will not be easy.  I anticipate the hardest journey of my life.  I just pray we make it through with minimal scars for my children, my husband, our families.