Our next CT scan is coming in another week. Watching shows about 9/11 don't help either. To be honest, I knew it was coming up vaguely. I didn't give it a second thought. My viewpoint was that it's just a test we have to get done and a fun morning together eating breakfast out. I look forward to our breakfast together on scan days once every 3 months. I don't hardly give the cancer a second thought anymore. It's done and gone until proven otherwise to my mind.
Unfortunately, that isn't the way my husband sees it. While he doesn't focus on the what if's, stress levels increase and it bothers him more. I'm not the one who had cancer so I can't fully understand what he goes through. I'm glad he shared with me though. Now I can be more aware of my words and reactions to our lives as the day of the scan draws closer.
I asked for prayer for him and our family. One of my close friends asked me why we were going through some tough times. Her question surprised me. Her perspective was, "There's no more cancer, you didn't have to go through chemo, aren't you thrilled just to have survived and have life to live?"
Yes, we survived. Yes, we have life to live together again for long as God wills. Cancer is not overcome without scars. Physical scars. Emotional scars. There are unseen battle wounds that are slower to heal and overcome than a physical surgery. The CT scans are routine and expected. A safety precaution. But statistics are higher now that we've had cancer once that it could return. It doesn't even have to be the same cancer returning, our chances are higher for another cancer also. Each CT scan is a reminder that it may not be over after all. The first year after cancer has the highest risk of recurrence and we're only 1/2 way through.
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