At one point in my life I had to learn how to trust God with everything in me...it is easy to give him things I can't control, but the things I have a say in, I like to depend on myself. I think I'm overcoming that big lesson learned. At least it doesn't seem to be coming up as often. God tends to do that. He allows things to happen in your life to help you learn important lessons to strengthen your walk with him. Life circumstances also have other results and influences in our lives, but learning and growing is always part of it.
Right now I am realizing that I need to spend more time in prayer. More time communicating with God. I don't like to communicate period. I do what is necessary, but it is a social skill that I just have always avoided my entire life. Going through this journey in my personal life, it is really bringing that to my attention for the moment. The Bible says to "pray without ceasing". I'm more of the type to pray when I'm in a bind and when something really good happens. The in-between times I just don't have that ongoing connection. With God's help and your prayers I can learn this lesson too. Not just the head knowledge, but to the point where it becomes ingrained in my daily life as part of my normal behavior.
As you can read, my emotions are much more stable today. I had myself a good cry and we were able to make more plans for our upcoming surgery. Sometimes the emotions just need to get out. It doesn't mean I'm not trusting God. It is just part of living through a hard journey in life.
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