My Trial and Tribulation

My husband was recently diagnosed with cancer.  Cancer created a whole new lifestyle for my family.  All of the sudden instead of planning for the future of our family with hopes and dreams...we were preparing for death.  Not intentionally, but something about that word, 'cancer', does that to you.

I am so glad that I had already been focused on getting to know God because I have heavily relied on him to get me through this.  Having faith and trust in him, has brought a peace to my mind in the midst of this roller-coaster ride of cancer.

In the first few weeks before we knew the lump was cancer for sure, I played out the "Why me, why us, why now?" scenario in my head.  I was questioning and trying to understand this sudden change in my life.  Again, a subtle and gentle answer popped into my mind, "For Such a Time as This" (a song by Wayne Watson) came.  I could only recall the chorus lines, but they deeply impacted me.

For such a time as this, I was placed upon the earth
To hear the voice of God and do His will, whatever it is.

God had brought me to this place for his purposes.  There wasn't a reason that I would be able to understand...he was asking me to trust him that he had a purpose for me and my family.  I knew God had the whole jigsaw puzzle of my life in his hands and I only saw the few pieces that had been put together so far.  I was to seek him, to seek his will, and do it...whatever it was.  I had to completely surrender the what-ifs to him.  I had to completely surrender my life to him and the people I loved most dearly.  If I had not surrendered to him, I would have lost my sanity in the stress of worrying about the future and the why's.

From trusting in Him and being confident in his promises to provide for all my needs and carry me through this journey, he filled me with his peace that passes all understanding.  Yes, I still deal with immense sadness and some of my fears still rise up and get to me at times.  With that peace and confidence in Him, I am able to be the wife my husband needs and the mother my children need as our family travels this new road called Cancer.