Yesterday was a rough day. Nothing specific happened, but I think it may have been a combination of things. I have let everyone at work know the generic information of the journey my family is on with cancer. A lot of people give me sympathetic looks and I'm getting a lot of extra "How are you's" walking down the hall. That doesn't really bother me that bad because I know they care...but they don't need to feel sorry for me either. I explained it to a friend in this way:
I've been living with cancer over a month now. I've gotten past the initial fears of death and despair. I'm now trying to deal with the daily life and the enormity of each next step. Don't feel sorry for me and try to bring me back to square one of the journey, pray for me and help me along with the here and now.
Also, I did expect that type of reaction from people. It's only human. I am thankful for my friends and family who are simply available to lend an ear or lift up a prayer. The other things that may have lent themselves to my difficult day was that I read a particularly sad story on the cancer support forum and the simple process of waiting for my hubby to decide what he wants to do for cancer treatment. No answer is a "good" answer. No answer is easy or obvious.
It is hard to work full time because my heart and a good portion of my mind is at home. When I am home caring for my family I have the most peace of mind and sense of stability. It was a beautiful day yesterday and the children were finally able to play outdoors and they had a wonderful time. Bath-time filled the tub with dirt from their hair, but it was all worth it. My coworkers have started a meal delivery system and it is a blessing to not have to worry about what's for dinner each day.
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