Answers finally...almost.

For our visit with the cancer specialist I was on pins and needles.  Finally we should get answers.  While I prayed for God's will, I hoped the doctor would tell us that it was certainly just an infection needing antibiotics or a harmless cyst that we could ignore unless it developed problems.  Instead he told us it was most likely cancer.  Surgery to remove it would be set for Monday, followed by a week of waiting for the pathology reports.

In preparing for the surgery I cried as I spoke to the few close friends/family that I had trusted to talk to.  My close friend recommended that I read Philippians 4 and meditate on it.  I needed that guidance.  There were several verses in Philippians that spoke to my heart.  The first was verse 4: "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, rejoice!"  You're probably confused that this was the verse that first touched my heart.  It was a reminder that God was in control of this situation.  God had already known this was coming and prepared the way for me and my family to get through whatever happened.  I could rejoice in having such a great God to rely on and trust.

The next verse was verses 6-7: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."  This passage gave me guidance on how to pray and promised that God's unexplainable peace would guard me and my family.  I began to pray giving thanks that God was here loving me and my family.  I gave thanks that God had a plan for us and would provide everything we needed through it all.  I gave thanks that he would guide the doctor's hands and care for my husband when I couldn't...in giving God specific thanks, I was reminding myself of his love and that he was trustworthy.  I was giving God the glory for all that was happening in our lives.  I was filled with a peace that removed my fears.  I prepared for the day of surgery as if it were just another special occasion.  I prepared my husband's things and loved on him.  I prepared for my children who would be taken care of by other family members, and I set up the house for his homecoming from the hospital.  Everyone around me who knew what I was going through seemed more concerned than I was.  I asked for prayer that I would be a witness to the family who were going to be there to support me.  I asked that God would be glorified and obviously present because I was more concerned for others than myself.  Only God could have done that for me.  My natural tendency is to internalize my pain and withdraw.  What an awesome God he is!