This past weekend before the surgery I have been working like mad to get the house ready and the children's things ready to be cared for by others. Family came over to help out and provided us with a big home cooked meal. The help was wonderful, but at the end of the day I was stressing out a lot.
I thought I was stressed about the surgery because it was a big surgery. But as I discover more about my emotions in looking at why in the world I was stressed after the family help, I realized I am not as worried about the surgery as I am in the fact that this surgery will separate my family and I will not be able to be in two places at once.
It kills me that my husband will be in the hospital while my children will be cared for by family. I can be with one or the other, but not both. I will not be able to meet the needs of my whole family and must trust others. I also know that I won't be able to care for my children if I don't first know that my husband is safely through this surgery. Now that I know what is bothering me, I can pray better and prepare better...I just feel like time is running short and I don't want to over prepare and neglect the time I have with my family whole...I'm a worry-wart. Even though I trust God with the outcome, I want to do my part the best I can. I wonder if sometimes I take that too far. I probably do.
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